


Ferret Mage: Adventures in Wonderland

by hestiaandhercat



Category: Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/F, F/M, Journey, Lesbians, Magic, Queer Character, Queer Themes, author is failing, author is trying to be funny, basically the mad hatter in a book, but less depp and more queer people, but then again the duchess and cook are canon lesbians imo, dramatic happenings, dramatic people, queer mcs, very weird and intricate magic system i have not fully understood myself yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-06-09 13:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 48,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15268683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hestiaandhercat/pseuds/hestiaandhercat
Summary: The first in a series of fanfiction novellas, each taking place in a different fandom, and following our main character Cayris on their quest to becoming a proper mage despite not being destined to be one at all. After starting off on the wrong foot with local mage Xarenius and accidentally turning him into a ferret, they have to bond together with Etta, who is all tragic backstory and anxiety, and Eric, who is too gay to function, to find a way to transform him back into a human. Plus, this Time guy seems to have a real thing for Etta, and Cayris is not gonna let some Phantom of the Opera shit happen to her (again).Note: This does in my opinion qualify as fanfiction, but the main characters and plot are mine. The fanfiction part mostly comes into play by way of setting (obviously), side characters and an amount of easter eggs I'm not proud of.





	1. ferrets, mothers, and other inconveniences

Cayris wakes up on the Eighth Day of Season and decides that a week of moping is enough. They make their way downstairs, skirts not totally in order yet, because who has time to worry about proper clothing, when there is all of the world to see (and so much more to do still)?  
Their plan to slip out of the door unseen and be all the way up on the Hill before someone thinks to inquire after their location slips away into the land of undreamed dreams, and instead they face Mother in the kitchen, flour on her hands, their skirts in their hand as they frantically try to find the zipper for the second to top one.  
“You’re up then”, Mother says. She sounds disapproving, which, considering, she isn’t even disapproving of the being up part, is quite a feat. It’s more, Cayris thinks upon finally managing to close up the zipper all the way, a sense of general disapprovement: of the world, Cayris, the people, Cayris, magic, and especially Cayris.  
“I’m gonna go up the hill today.“ Cayris decides that if they already have to make awkward conversation, they might as well get some food for it, and slips behind the counter to prepare a sandwich. Mother is baking again. Mother is always baking when she’s unhappy, and more often than not, when she is unhappy, she is unhappy with Cayris.  
“To the Mage then?“ Even that sounds disapproving.  
Cayris ducks their head and searches for the jam a bit more thoroughly than would strictly be necessary. “I have a right to do that“, they say, not meaning to sound defensive, and sounding all the more defensive for it. “I’m Chaotic, after all.“  
“No need to remind me of that.“ Mother sighs as if she is bemoaning the greatest tragedy that this mere mortal world has to offer. “I think we all remember the First Day of Season, do we not?“  
Cayris, at least, remembers, and won’t forget in the near future. After all, they have hidden out in their room for a whole week because of it.  
“And, are you planning on doing any more wild and reckless things today, or was that a one time exception?“  
“That was an accident. And it won’t happen again.“  
Cayris bites into their sandwich, hard, and is just thinking that they should be eating it on their way up the Hill, when Mother says: “You know, a normal person would just leave it be. With what happened on First Day, and all, and what the Elders said… a normal person would just accept that they aren’t born for all this magicky stuff.“  
Cayris stares at her in disbelief, because, oh, they knew that Mother was gonna say this, but also, how could she?  
“Chaotics can become mages! Exceptional ones, even.“  
“Yeah, they can. Some of them. Very few, to be precise. A strictly limited number.“ Mother’s voice is grimmer than her face, her old-young looking face framed by brown curls, that doesn’t look anything like Cayris’.  
“I’m gonna go now“, Cayris says, having their sandwich on the go after all, as it seems. “I’m gonna go up there, and Xarenius is gonna be so excited to have me, and he’s gonna make me his novice on the spot, and you’re gonna feel so stupid after this.“ They tuck some strands of blue hair, that must’ve escaped from somewhere behind their head (because that is the only place that they have blue hair, as far as they can remember) behind their left ear, and then, because the strands, tricky little things, seem to be inclined to fall right in front of their face again, they take a flower out of the dough on the table, and pierce the hair with one of the thorns.  
Mother hums disapprovingly, not a melodious hum, but a little short buzz sound, meaning about “touch my dough again, and I will slowly murder you with tulip stems“, and Cayris makes their way to the door, fast.  
“Have fun, child“, Mother says, and if her voice was just a little bit nicer, and her eyes were fixed on Cayris for a change, and not on her dough, it would sound genuine, and not like one of those phrases you’ve picked up somewhere along the way and keep saying because your mind feels like you need to say them.  
Cayris makes their way out of the kitchen, picks up their favourite, four-layered coat from the wardrobe and is almost out of the door, when Mother calls: “And don’t let yourself get turned into a Mailbox, for the sake of Spring. I’d hate to go up there and tell your metallic self how I told you so beforehand.“  
Cayris does not deem that worthy of a response, and so they slip out of the door and onto the street without a comment, being so caught up in the process of slipping into their coat (it is a quite a big coat, and needs careful layering and arranging to look its finest) that they nearly stumble into one of the workers taking down the decorations from last week's gathering.  
Cayris slides to the left and meets the wall quite a bit too fast, then they take a second look at the intruder of their personal space and blanch. The intruder, mercifully unaware, steps past them and is so caught up in folding some giant colourful poster that he very, very nearly doesn’t recognize them. Nearly, as it turns out yet again, is not enough.  
“Well, if it isn’t our all time favourite Chaotic“, Damier says.  
“Damier“, Cayris says, mostly in way of greeting, but also as a short, heavy reproach at whatever kind of magic is making them meet people today. Meeting people, of whatever kind, is emotionally draining, and meeting people that don’t even like you is especially unwelcome to Cayris, today even more than on a normal day.  
“And, turned anyone into a sunflower yet?“  
“It wasn’t a sunflower!“, Cayris says, because that is true and also the most they have to say for themselves. Damier, who of course is a perfect little Elemental, and quite a good one at that, smiles gleefully, because he knows them to be a victim now, a weak, reproachful little thing that can’t help but be tormented by him, and steps even closer.  
“What are you up to, then?“, he asks, grabbing their arm. Cayris shifts away from him.  
“I’m going up the Hill.“  
Damier laughs about that, and then he laughs some more, and then he calls on a friend who is currently doing some actual work on the other side of the street, and they have a good laugh about the whole situation altogether as well.  
“You’re actually thinking you can be a real mage, aren’t you.“  
“Lots of Chaotics grow up to be mages“, they say, which is only a slight exaggeration.  
“I think the poor little freak is confused.“ Damier grins. “Let me help explain to you why you’re such a loser. Elementals are freaking cool. Users are freaking useful. Magicians are freaking powerful. Chaotics are… well, I’m not sure they ever did anything of importance. What do you think, Jonah?“, he calls on his buddy from across the street, but the buddy doesn't know either, and then they both turn to Cayris, and Cayris wishes, with a burning and sudden passion that they knew how to make themselves disappear, or actually, how to make Damier disappear, him and his stupid Elemental friends, and oh my, look how he is actually contributing to society, even though he had his First Day of Season Ritual the same day Cayris had, and now here he is, helping his older and wiser friends, and here they are, chaotic and useless and definitely not about to burst into tears, because that is something that they never do and they are sure as heck not gonna start doing that now.  
Cayris thinks of some unkind words to say, and then says all of them slowly, in their head, trying to decide if the beating they’d surely get after would be worth it.  
“Are you gonna cry?“, Damier asks, which is the most cliched thing anyone has ever had the dishonor of saying to Cayris, and now Cayris knows for sure that they are not gonna cry.  
They shove past Damier, not politely, but also not in a way that could be laid out as an offense later - Elementals, after all, are an actual important part of society, and Cayris, as nobody seems to get tired to stress, is not.  
They make their way out of the Village quickly. The Hill is right in front of them, with the trademark crooked house on top of it like a hat on a mage’s head. A very old, very funny hat, Cayris thinks while they climb the Hill.  
It’s sunny today, a good day to be out and about, and with just a hint of sadness, Cayris thinks of what they would’ve done in this weather a season ago, before any stupid First Day of Seasons rituals they needed to partake in. That is over now, though. They were quite happy about that before the actual First Day, because it meant - as they did not tire of telling anyone who would even pretend to listen - that their childhood days were finally over, and they’d grow up to become a mage. That was, of course, when they still thought that they had Magic magic, the kind of magic that means you’re meant to be a mage when you grow up. Mother, after the horrific day that shall not be spoken of, has offered Cayris a position in the shop. That is nice of her, for sure, and Cayris is trying to appreciate the offer. The only problem with the whole thing is that working in Mother’s shop is about the last thing they can see themselves doing.  
Well. All hope is not lost just yet.  
They make their way up the Hill in the time it takes the sun to reach the Village under their feet. They think about Mother, who’ll be opening up the shop by now, maybe running back into the kitchen to get a good look at her newest baking creation that has surely been crammed into the oven by now.  
Cayris doesn’t understand the procedure of making food. In their opinion, the most kinds of food are perfectly suitable for eating without doing any of all the work that Mother puts in. That, on top of everything else, makes Cayris quite unsuited for working in the shop. Mother must’ve known that, they think upon reaching the fence. Maybe she didn’t care.  
Xarenius’ house, which is right in front of them now, basking in the early morning light, and shining in all its glory, looks even more crooked from up close. To say that the house is simply swaying to the left of right side would be a huge understatement. It seems to be crooked in and on itself, in such a way that every time you look at it, you’ll find new ways in which it is wrong, and its sheer existence starts to give you a headache if you think about it for too long.  
It is five or maybe six or maybe seven stories high, but that concerns only parts of it. There are other buildings built into it, which are way smaller (or bigger), and also painted in a different colour each, and then there are also at least three watchtowers for some reason and something that looks like a stable, yet Cayris has never seen any horses in the area before, and there is an incredulous amount of lace curtains in a certain area in the first floor that Cayris doesn’t even want an explanation for.  
Between Cayris and the house, of course, are the mailboxes.  
The mailboxes.  
Oh, what a day indeed.  
Cayris has been up the Hill many times before, even though Children are normally not meant to be up here, but then again, that rule has seldomly kept Cayris from doing anything. Yet even they have never dared to venture this close to the house before, mainly because there are several legends about where all of those mailboxes actually come from, and none of them are old enough to be smiled upon as campfire stories.  
Maybe, Cayris reasons, Mage Xarenius just really likes getting mail. Maybe Damier actually told the truth and he is an ill-tempered swine who’ll turn everyone with the audacity to turn up on his front porch into a mailbox. Cayris has a feeling that they are bound to find out.  
Still. Xarenius is the only mage in residence, and since Cayris’s magic is chaotic, and not magical, they will never be allowed to leave the Village and travel to some far away mage to learn from them. Xarenius is their only shot at becoming a mage, and they are not gonna blow this. They are not.  
Cayris tells themselves that a couple more times before they step up to the fence post and open the gate. Just when they catch their breath and prepare to dramatically wander through the sea of mailboxes, they catch a movement in the house. In one of the windows of the first floor, a hooded figure rearranges the aforementioned lace curtains. The figure is not looking down on Cayris in any way, even though they must clearly see them, and yet Cayris is feeling watched. They do not like the feeling.  
Cayris draws a new breath and then, finally, makes their way through the heap of mailboxes. That does take a while, since they feel compelled to stop and tell every single one hello. They are, after all, maybe-quite-possibly-most-certainly people, or have been people once (since they are mailboxes now, and therefore can’t be people), and it is only nice to say hello upon meeting someone.  
Cayris thinks that if for some reason they ended up being a mailbox on Xarenius’ lawn, they’d like being told hello by passer-byes. Maybe they are old-fashioned after all.  
Finally, after the twenty-first mailbox (and a hello of an equal number), they leave the realm of mailboxes behind and reach the front porch. Cayris makes their way up the three, differently coloured and all slightly tinted steps and searches for a doorbell (which they do not find) or some kind of door knocker (which they do not find either), and then they have a moment of existential crisis, because they have just discovered that on top of his 21 mailboxes, Xarenius has an actual mail slot, right there in the doorbell-less door, and they are just in the midst of wondering if that mail slot might’ve also been a person once, and if therefore they should say hello, when the door is being opened from the inside.  
The person on the other side is, Cayris is quite certain of that, the hooded figure from just a moment ago. They are still, well, hooded and a figure, but their hands, which are not drawn into their cloak sleeves now, are young and elegant and covered in what looks to be runes.  
“Can I help you with anything?“, the hooded figure, who must be Xarenius, asks. Only that it isn’t a real offer, more like someone screaming “Go away or I’m gonna turn you into my twenty second mailbox“ while lighting your entire family on fire, and somehow that is all contained in a polite question.  
“Well, um“, Cayris says, prepared speech quite forgotten as they try to sneak a glance at what exactly is under the hood. “I’m… I’m from the Village. You know, the one down the hill you’re living on.“ They leave a little bit of silence here, to see if there are any violent protests. There aren’t.  
The figure simply nods. “I’m familiar.“  
“Well, it was First Day of the new season just a few days ago, and I actually had my ritual this year, and I was wondering if-“  
Cayris is abruptly cut of. “You’re a novice?!“, the figure asks hurriedly.  
“Well, actually, I was hoping to become a-“  
“You need to go. Now. He’s in a real foul mood today, and I doubt he’ll even listen to your pledge before he turns you into one of those.“ The figure nods in the direction of the mailboxes.  
“He?“, Cayris asks.  
“Xarenius, of course!“  
“So you’re not Xarenius?“ There is a moment of horror when Cayris thinks that everything they have ever believed might be wrong, and then realizes that merely the last moments of their life have been lived under this particular false pretense.  
“Obviously not!“  
This outrageous new information calls for a course of action to be taken, and Cayris is not about to disappoint.  
“Impostor!“, they cry out indignantly, and then they shove their whole body weight at said impostor, a move that might’ve worked out in their favour if they’d have a bit more body weight to speak of. As it is, the impostor merely tumbles, and then both of them make acquaintance with the wall, and somewhere something falls down, and the impostor yells something explicit, and Cayris might or might not yell something back, and then a new voice drowns out the both of them.  
“What in the Love of the Seventeen Monkeys is going on in here?!“  
Cayris lets go of the impostor and squints into the darkness of the house, just barely making out a person on the far end of the hall. As if sensing their discomfort at the darkness in the house, the mysterious intruder sighs and then snips their fingers. The lights come on, and Cayris is staring at a man bigger than Mother’s oven (and Mother’s oven, you should know, is one of those fairytale ovens that fits entire scrawny little runaway kids), with a dotted purple hat on his egg shaped head, and an expression on his red face that can only be described as miserable.  
“It’s early in the day“, the man says.  
“Are you Xarenius?“, Cayris asks, because you can never be sure enough.  
“Indeed.“ Xarenius leans into the wall, and for a second it looks like the wall is leaning back into him to give him a hug, but that is surely just Cayris’ eyes seeing things.  
“And, I feel like I’ve said this before, but it’s early. So what is all this…“ He moves his hands in a decidedly indelicate gesture. “Commotion?“  
“I found an impostor!“, Cayris explains in a volume that befits the gravity of the situation, and makes Xarenius wince yet again. “This person here was posing as you.“  
Xarenius squints at Cayris, and then at their finger pointing at the impostor, and then at said pointed at impostor.  
“That is Etta, my assistant“, Xarenius says.  
“I’m not your assistant-“  
“Well, she was pretending to be an impostor then“, Cayris cuts her off. “And even evil-er crime, if you thoroughly consider it.“  
Xarenius sighs. “I’m sure. Be so kind and unhand her, child.“  
“I’m not a child“, Cayris says, unhanding the impostor-imposing impostor. “I just did my ritual last First Day, actually. That’s why I’m here.“  
“Just run, idiot“, the maybe not impostor, also known as Etta, whispers.  
“I’m not an idiot either“, Cayris replies.  
“Could’ve fooled me.“ Etta straightens her robe, which Cayris is now sure she is only wearing for dramatic effect, and then rushes out of the hall.  
“You must forgive my assistant. She’s been under the weather for a few days now.“ Xarenius, who suddenly seems a lot more awake than before, makes his way to the front door himself. “Come in, child, come in.“  
Cayris does come in. The hall, they discover, is even longer than anticipated, since it seems to be going around several corners. There are several big wardrobes just kinda standing about, and then there is a giant pile of shoes, all of which have the trademark bell of a mage on the left shoe, and the trademark second left shoe instead of a right shoe (this one does, however, not have a bell), and there are some beautiful aetherial images on the positively horrid beige walls, which Cayris thinks is a double bonus since the pictures aren’t actually that bad, and everything that hides even a tiny smidgen of that wallpaper is a blessing to the world.  
Xarenius closes the door behind them, and suddenly, even with the lights on, it’s quite dark, but Cayris tells themselves that that is simply atmosphere and aesthetics, and not at all kinda creepy, and follows Xarenius down the long, long hallway, until they reach a brown door. Xarenius pushes it open with a swirl of his little finger, without ever even touching the handle, and Cayris is aware that he is probably showing off, but they can’t help but be impressed either way.  
They are even more impressed by the room behind the door.  
It’s a salon, or at least they are pretty sure that’s what it’s supposed to be, yet they can’t really say for sure, since the room is so full of stuff. Cayris counts three differents sets of tea porcelain, five grandfather clocks all ticking in a slightly different rhythm, two writing desks overflowing with papers so that there is no space to do actual writing on them anymore, an indefinite number of weird, colourful rocks, two more of the paintings from outside (one that seems to simply be a splatter of colour, and one that shows some kind of horned animal riding a horse), and finally, amidst the chaos, one Etta, staring at the both of them.  
“What are you doing?“, she asks Xarenius.  
“The young enby here wanted to tell me why they’re here, and I was inclined to listen.“  
“You know why they’re here.“ Etta cocks her head (still robed) in a way that makes her look like a very sad ghost. A judgemental, sad ghost, of course.  
“I’d like to become a novice“, Cayris says. Etta and Xarenius ignore them, locked in a battle of wills that Cayris doesn’t understand. With a loud, loud sigh, and an evenly loud murmur about people that should know better, and people that honestly disgust her, Etta carefully places two colourful rocks on a heavenly damaged piano and flutters out of the room.  
“Why doesn’t she show her face?“, Cayris asks, perfectly aware that it isn’t a very polite question to ask, yet still too interested not to ask.  
“Skin problems“, Xarenius says. It does not sound truthful, but Cayris suddenly remembers that there is more important things to discuss right now, and does not push the issue. Xarenius seems to be of the same mind.  
“As you were saying before, you completed your ritual. And I guess now you want to become a mage, because you’re so convinced that your magical ability does make you a special little snowflake that is gonna rule the world someday. Is that correct?“  
“Well, actually“, Cayris starts, and then realizes that they have no idea which part of the sentence they want to rebuff first.  
I don’t wanna rule the world, that seems way too boring?  
I am a special snowflake, thank you very much?  
Or, maybe, truthfully: Actually, I don’t even have Magic magic.  
Thankfully, Xarenius is not waiting for an answer anyway.  
“Well, you’re not the first to ask for a position as a novice. I’m quite famous, you know? We had people coming over from as far as three villages away, a few years back.“ He seems quite content with that. Cayris is wondering if that is the correct moment to throw in a word of praise, but is too slow, and once they have actually thought of what they could be saying, Xarenius has already moved on.  
“Well, with each of the people that come to me, I make a kind of wager, you might call it. You see, Nerissa-“  
“Cayris“, Cayris corrects.  
“What is that?“  
“I. I am Cayris.“  
There is a moment of silence, and then Xarenius continues on in his monologue. “As I said, Kaito, I’m sure you’ll agree that I can’t take everyone under my wing who comes crawling onto my front porch. There are just too many contestants!“  
“So there are other people who want to be your novice, this year, too?“ Cayris has hoped to be the only one - after all, there is nobody in their Village who has been assigned Magic, only a bunch of Elementals, and then some Users. And one Chaotic, of course. Never to forget.  
“Well, no.“  
Their heart skipps a beat at that.  
“So I am the only contestant.“  
“Right now you’re mostly contesting with my patience.“  
Cayris finds it best not to reply, and is rewarded with some more monologue. “As I was saying, I make a wager with everyone who comes along. You don’t have to make it if you don’t want to, but I’ll only take you under my wing if you win the wager. And if you lose…“ He smiles a smile that for some reason, contains way more teeth than should be able to fit in a mouth of that size. Cayris has a strange, but distinct feeling that they should not ever make a wager with mages. Then again, they have remarkably few options.  
“So if I don’t make the wager, I’ll have to go down to the Village again.“ They taste the line on their tongue while saying it, waiting, testing, wearing it like a new dress you’re not quite sure about yet. It tastes like defeat.  
“But you don’t want that, do you?“  
Obviously they don’t. Xarenius knows. They know. Yet Etta, who they don’t even know specifically said that they should leave this place before Xarenius ever turned up, and somehow Cayris has a feeling that that might’ve been a great idea.  
“Can you tell me what the wager is about, beforehand?“  
“Well, I could. But where would be the fun in that, Amaris?“ The mage smiles.  
All those teeth look way too sharp to have never been used. The sensible thing, the adult thing, would be to leave this place, right this instant, go back down the Hill, return to the Village and to Mother and her shop.  
And yet.  
“If I lose the wager, will I be turned into a mailbox?“, Cayris asks.  
“I will not turn you into a mailbox because you lost the wager.“  
“And if I win, you’ll teach me.“  
“That I promise.“ He presents them with his hand to shake.  
Cayris shakes it.  
“Well, now comes the fun part.“ Xarenius strokes his non existent moustache, which makes for quite a remarkable image.  
“What is the wager about, then?“ Cayris feels like they’re made out of bees.  
“I’m gonna transform you into a mailbox. If you withstand, you win the wager.“  
Cayris is outraged. “You specifically said no mailboxes“, they remind the oathbreaker.  
“Well.“ Xarenius smiles yet again. Cayris wishes he’d stop doing that. “I only said that I wouldn’t turn you into a mailbox for losing the wager. And I won’t since you’ll only lose the wager if I turned you into a mailbox, so there is no way I could turn you into a mailbox again afterwards, anyway.“  
“But… I don’t want to be a mailbox!“  
“Should’ve thought about that before, Kaytlyn.“  
“It’s Cayris!“  
“Now come on, I understand that the situation is upsetting to you but there is no reason to use such vile words.“  
“Vile words?“  
“It means foul.“  
“I know that.“  
“Then don’t ask, stupid.“  
“I meant, which vile words?“  
“Well, whatever you said.“ Xarenius coughs. “Anyway. Prepare to be turned into a mailbox! Tell all your friends about it so they don’t come nagging me as well.“  
“How am I supposed to do that once I’m a mailbox?“  
“You’ll figure something out. I believe in you.“ Xarenius raises his arms.  
“But I don’t even know any magic That’s not a fair fight!“  
“That’s the beauty in it, Catharina.“  
“Cayris.“  
“Would you stop using that wor-“, he says, magic (real, mage magic) already flowing out of his fingertips.  
There is a short scream, abruptly cut off by an explosion, and then -  
Silence. And the beginning of a story.


	2. the dramatic conversation

When Etta finds them, it’s already way past midday. Cayris is in Mother’s kitchen, scraping various dough snippets off the counter, while Mother is in the room to the right, the one where she sells her food through a little window to the street.  
It’s been quite a lot of sunlight and dough scraping and silence since Cayris has returned from the Hill. Mother has not asked them how it went, simply handed them a towel and told them to get to work, and Cayris has not corrected Mother in her assumption that Xarenius simply decided he didn’t want them as a novice. If only that was the truth, they think, chancing a hasty look over their shoulder, and after having made sure that Mother is currently entertaining a customer, devouring some of the dough scraps. Mother hates it when Cayris eats left-overs, which is the main reason why Cayris does it.  
The dough they taste now, which must’ve been the one that Mother worked on this morning, has hyacinths in it and smells of Spring. Standing here, in the sunlight flooded kitchen, dough in their mouth and towel in their hand and flowers in their hair, Cayris tries to come to terms with the fact that this is gonna be their whole life. It’s not as bad as it could be, they suppose. It’s also not as good as it could be, but whose fault is that again? Not Mother’s, that is for sure.  
The quiet is helping them calm down, but not enough as that they might allow themselves to think about what happened on the Hill. They will not think of it, they will not speak of it. It has simply never happened.  
Cayris, this resolution fresh and firm in mind, is just about to go back to their dough scraping business, when there is a sharp knock on the door. It’s short, yet enough to send them into a mind flailing panic, since anyone from the Village would’ve surely used the doorbell, and there is only one person they know who is not from the Village.  
Cayris quite literally throws the towel. They try to navigate their way up the stairs, and maybe out of a window, before the ominous door-knocker can enter the house and ruin what is left of their life, but Mother has already brushed past them, and upon seeing that Cayris has deserted her spot at the kitchen counter, throws them a look that is nearly as bad as what’s on the either side of the front door, and so they stay where they are, one foot on the first step of the stairs, skirts and mind in a frenzy. They try to assure themselves that it might just be a traveller passing through. Or maybe a really small person that couldn’t reach the doorbell.  
Mother opens the door. “The shop is on the other side“, she explains. “Or can I help you with something else?“  
“Yes, actually“, says a voice that is definitely Etta’s. “I was searching for an enby, about that annoying, with a hint of an adventurous mind.“  
“Cayris!“, Mother’s voice says, and also “Whatever you did this time, I’m gonna find you and kill you at least thrice for this“, although the latter part obviously isn’t said aloud.  
Cayris decides that making a run for it isn’t getting them anywhere, and so makes their way to the door. There, on the doorstep, still in her black robe, but now also equipped with what looks like an extremely unfashionable lace shawl and matching fingerless gloves, is Etta.  
“You“, she says.  
“I’m me“, Cayris sees fit to explain.  
Mother is watching the both of them intently. “Is this some kind of courtship, Cayris? I really wish you’d tell me about these things.“  
“It is not a courtship.“  
Mother only smiles knowingly. It’s been, Cayris realizes, quite a long time since she last did that.  
“We have matters of grave importance to discuss“, Etta says, with a voice that is as uncourtship-ful as possible.  
“Well, come in then, my dear.“ Mother has obviously decided that Etta is in fact, here for a joined meal, dished up with pleasant conversation, and seems intent to deliver both. She is, Cayris realizes with growing exasperation, thinking this is some kind of date.  
They enter the kitchen, where Cayris tries to duck into a corner, while Mother fixes up the counter in a manner of seconds.  
“I think I heard a customer“, she says then, even though Cayris is fairly sure that that is a lie, and leaves the both of them alone. As soon as Mother leaves the room, Etta drops all pretense.  
“What have you done?“ The words are delivered in a dangerous kind of half whisper. Her robe is billowing around her in a dramatic gust of wind that definitely doesn’t have any right to be inside a house, and Cayris is really trying not to be scared, but oh well, as it turns out, they are a failure at a lot of things.  
“It was an accident“, they try to explain.  
“An accident. You turned a fully grown mage into a ferret. By accident.“  
“He was trying to transform me into a mailbox!“  
“Well, if you were a mailbox now, I’d be a lot happier, to be honest! I specifically told you to get lost as soon as I opened the door, but oh no, you had to come in and turn an unsuspecting, innocent man-“  
“He started it!“  
“-into a ferret of all things. Why a ferret?“  
That does stop Cayris dead in their tracks for a second, because of all the questions they asked themselves on their way down the Hill, that wasn’t one of them. Then again, they had been kinda busy with sneaking out of the house unseen and panicking, so they hadn’t gotten a good look at Xarenius before.  
They do now, when Etta pulls a grey and black ferret out of her sleeves and lets it dangle between them. Cayris has a moment of panic that supersedes all previously had moments of panic.  
“Did I kill him?!“  
“No, you- what?“ Etta pulls the ferret back and inspects it more closely. “He’s just sleeping.“  
“Oh.“ They stare at the ferret for a second, lost for words. Etta is less surplused.  
“Well, I’m sure this has all been quite entertaining for you, but now that you’ve had your fun, do what any sensible person would’ve done in the first place and turn him back.“  
Cayris stares at Etta wide-eyed.  
“What?“  
“Turn him back into a person.“  
“But… he’s a magician. He can do that himself, right?“  
“He obviously can’t, idiot. Do you think he's hanging out as a ferret for fun?“  
There is considerably more panic in their head now. Obviously, they were scared that Xarenius would turn up at the house and turn them into a mailbox after all, which, well, would’ve sucked for them, but at least it would’ve put an end to this commotion. Yet it seems the events unfolding now are gonna be a lot more complicated. Cayris finds that they do not like complicated things.  
“But I'm not-“  
“Well, whatever you are or aren't, please just turn him back.“ The words are almost polite now, as if Etta has carefully considered her options and decided that being nice might pay off better. She has considered wrongly, and Cayris does not want her to find out, yet they see no other way.  
“I can’t turn him back“, they say, shoulders slumped. “I don’t know how.“  
“Well, it can’t be that hard, right? You have Magic magic after all, it should seem intuitive to you if you just concentrate for a second…“ There is more than a slight tint of panic in Etta’s voice when she trails off. “Wait. I passed this boy on the street who was talking about- You aren’t even- You are-“  
She seems to be choking on her words.  
“I’m Chaotic“, Cayris says since Etta seems to already know anyway. “And I don’t have any idea what I did.“  
There is a moment of silence, and then Etta grabs the ferret and jumps back, almost tripping when she gets caught in her robes. Her laced up hands emergy from of her sleeves, pointing at Cayris accusingly. The ferret has somehow mysteriously disappeared into her robe again.  
“Chaotics.“ Etta’s voice is a cold whisper. “Always stupid Chaotics.“  
“He tried to turn me into a mailbox!“ Etta seems to be focusing entirely on the wrong things. “I just tried to deflect his curse.“  
“And now you’re seriously telling me that you can’t even undo it. Are you crazy?“  
“Well, obviously“, Cayris says. “I don’t understand what that has to do with anything, though.“  
In this moment, when Etta seems to be on the verge of burning down the house, Mother reenters the kitchen.  
“You two getting along?“ There are some bowls of new dough carefully balanced in her arms, and she sets to work, rolling out pies and putting them into the oven one after the other, seemingly completely unaware of the battleground she has just stumbled upon.  
“I shall be going“, Etta says.  
“You do that, sweetie. That robe must be awfully warm this time of year, you sure you don’t want to borrow one of Cayris’ coats?“  
“Mother!“.  
“I’ll be just fine. I’m gonna find a way to deal with this on my own.“  
And with that she is out of the kitchen. Mother and Cayris listen to the front door being shoved open and then close again, a bit harder than strictly necessary.  
“Well, she sure has a lot of heated opinions about coats“, Mother says. Cayris does not tell her what Etta was really talking about. They don’t see a need to, and on top of that, Mother has been friendlier with Etta than she has been with Cayris in a long while, and that is just plain out impolite.  
Yet Cayris can’t help but feel… relieved, they think. Relieved is the word they’re looking for, even though that doesn’t explain the sinking feeling they have in their stomach. They are not gonna die. Or be turned into a mailbox. Etta will manage on her own, just like she said. Xarenius is not gonna come looking for them.  
“I’m gonna clean that up“, Cayris says, nodding to the counter that has bits of ferret fur on it, and some flour that surely wasn’t there just a moment before. Mother nods almost approvingly and then steps into the shop again.  
Everything is gonna go back to the way it is.  
Cayris tries to figure out why they don’t like that thought for nearly the entire remainder of the afternoon, before they suddenly realize: they hate the way it is.


	3. the crazy stalker incident

It’s been half a week, and Cayris is bored to death. Nothing is happening. It’s even worse now than it was before, since they don’t have the thought of growing up and becoming a mage to help them through endless hours of work. They have grown up. They have not become a mage, and will continue to exist in a state of non-mageness for their entire life.  
It is almost a happy disturbance when Etta knocks down the front door on day four. Almost.  
“My dear, that is really no way to go about things“, says Mother, who has had the common stupidity to run towards the loud sound, and is now looking at what Cayris strongly suspects once was their front door.  
Cayris themselves has been a smidge less stupid in their actions, and instead made their way half way up the stairs upon hearing the explosion, where they are currently sitting and waiting for the situation below to unfold.  
“I need to speak to Cayris“, says a voice that can only be Etta’s. Cayris notes that she is using their name. The situation must truly be severe.  
“I understand that all that teenage romance can be a tad… powerful sometimes, but look at what you did to the porch, sweetheart! I’ll have to get a User to look at this, I can’t even fix it myself-“  
Mother’s flabbergastingly nice chatter is abruptly cut off. Cayris chances a glance around the corner and sees Etta brushing past Mother. She spots Cayris, and her and her ridiculous robe march into their direction in a surprisingly fast manner.  
Cayris makes a smart decision and takes off running. They’re up the stairs and in their room before Mother even recovers from being so violently pushed aside. When they hear Mother’s voice droning out any other sound from downstairs, they are already sitting on the windowsill, dangle their legs, count one two three, and jump.  
They nearly fly across the small street, find sure footing on the seamstresses roof right across their window, and make their way across this roof and then the next. They are quite surprised at how good they are doing, at least before something takes them out with a sudden burst of pain in the stomach.  
Later, they’ll try to understand the situation, and then realize that Etta, as an Elemental, was probably able to fly. Right now, they mostly understand pain.  
Cayris falls onto the roof hands outstretched, trying to cling on to something and failing, almost finding their footing, but then having to let go again, because Etta is still sitting on them, and either that robe of hers is heavier than anticipated, or she is really, really trying to make Cayris fall of the roof.  
Cayris does not, in fact, fall of the roof; at least strictly speaking.  
They reach the ledge of the roof, find a drainpipe, hold on to said drainpipe while silently mouthing a short, but heartfelt thanks to the inventor of drainpipes, and then, about one silently mouthed prayer later, realize that whatever the inventor of drainpipes was going for, being able to use them as a handhold was not on the agenda.  
Cayris lets go because otherwise, the drainpipe will let go. They fall-land on the ground, mutter a curse, and are in the midst of getting up when something decides to fall on top of them, of all places.  
The something, as it turns out some seconds of darkness and ensuing confusion later, is Etta, and the darkness is her robes which just so happened to wrap themselves all around Cayris’ head.  
Nobody is having much of a good time.  
After they have untangled themselves from each other and Etta has gotten her robes back to a state of semi-order, she raises a single, yet somehow very accusatory finger and points it at (no surprises here) Cayris.  
“You“, she says, as if that alone is reason enough to be angry.  
“You“, Cayris replies, feeling like if someone has a right to be angry with someone here, then that is not the person who just made them jump out of their own window, fall of a roof and - most importantly - demolished their front door. It is, or was, a very nice door, with flowers painted onto it and a silver handle that twinkles in the sunlight.  
“What are you doing here?“ Cayris tries to gets a hold of their skirts and fails.  
“I… You…“ That is, as it seems, not the question that Etta expected. “You need to turn Xarenius back“, she manages after about five seconds of breathlessness.  
“I told you I can’t. And any way, you said you were going to take care of it.“  
Etta is looking at Cayris like they just committed a public offense.  
“Come with me.“  
“No.“  
“That was not a question.“ And with that Etta grabs their hand and pulls them up in the air again. Cayris tries to kick her, and does not succeed. It is shaping up to be quite a long day.


	4. the beginning of a wonderful adventure

“You said you’d figure it out“, Cayris reminds their abductor for the tenth time or so. The abductor, formerly knowns as Etta the Annoyance, does not deem that worthy of a response. Instead she is staring intently at Xarenius who is currently, still a ferret, still done with the world, and still sleeping, taking a little nap on his writing desk.  
The room around is them is, if that is possible, even more of a mess than it was during Cayris’ previous visit. Books, parchments with notes in crude handwriting and an awful lot of tea cups have taken over the floor. Even more parchments, some of them ripped into little snippets, have found early retirement in the trashcan.  
“I told you, I can’t turn him back. I don’t even know what I’d have to do, let alone be able to do it.“  
When Etta finally acknowledges Cayris’ presence by moving her head in their general direction, Cayris starts to feel like not being acknowledged maybe was in fact the better option here.  
“Well, let’s just very, very slowly go through what exactly you did when you attacked him, yes?“  
“I did not attack-“  
“Simply tell me what you did.“  
“Well.“ Cayris decides that it's easier to comply than be burned alive by a madman. “I was kinda standing like… over here, and he went “You’re gonna be a mailbox because of your bad life choices muhahaha“ and-“  
“He did not say that.“  
“My point is, he raised his arms like this“, Cayris raises their arms, “and I screamed, and then there was this kind of loud noise, and then he kind of… well.“  
“Turned into a ferret.“  
“Yeah.“  
“So your retelling of the events that transpired here is that there was a noise and then he was a ferret.“  
“Well, I told you I don’t know what happened. I normally don’t go around attacking people. Maybe if your mage friend here didn’t do that, we’d all be living happily ever after right now.“  
Etta huffs. Then she starts to undress.  
Cayris has seen a lot of (well, okay, some) weird things in their lifetime, but this situation tops all of them.  
“What are you doing?“, they ask Etta, or moreso what they can see of Etta who is currently trying to unwrap her robes.  
“I’ll need to look into your mind myself.“ Her voice does sound a lot less menacing when there’s three layers of black cotton between her and the world, but her words are still not fit to make Cayris more comfortable.  
“What?“  
“Oh relax, I’ll just quickly dip in and-“  
“Hell no.“ Cayris tries to take a step back and finds that the air has somehow grown a lot denser than it is supposed to, and that they are, for the loss of a better word, frozen to the spot.  
Etta emerges from the heap of robe and throws it to the floor. She is wearing an equally black dress underneath. Lace seems to be a general theme since it’s also used in the sleeves of the dress, as is the colour black, which is apparent, well, everywhere: the gloves, the dress, the tights, and the mask that rests on Etta’s nose, going all the way up to her forehead.  
“I just need to see what kind of incantation you used.“ Etta drops her gloves to the floor and moves smoothly right into Cayris’ personal space.  
“I did not use an inclination“, Cayris protests.  
Etta's mouth quirks up for about as long as it takes her to realize that she is smiling. “I’m inclined to believe that.“  
And then, before Cayris can say one of the many things they had prepared about free will and consent, and keep your creepy hands out of my freaking face, Etta is right in front of them.  
“I promise it won’t hurt“, she says, which for some reason doesn’t sound that trustworthy. “And I’ll leave you alone once I know how to retransform Xarenius. So if we could just get this over with ... “  
“Fine.“ Cayris is not, in fact, fine, but there don't seem to be many options to politely decline here.  
Spindly long skeleton fingers abandon the comfort of her sleeves and position themselves at Cayris’ temples. Etta’s hands are cold.  
Cayris is staring at the mask and tries to figure out what is wrong with it, but is quickly sidetracked when they are actually feeling Etta invade their mind. It doesn’t exactly hurt, but it’s not a pleasant feeling either. They can actually feel Etta in their mind, and a sense of wrongness overtakes them. The world starts to spin faster than is healthy.  
“I think I’m gonna pass out“, Cayris says and then proceeds to pass out.  
They wake up on the floor, with Etta’s robe tucked over them, and a headache that is gonna outlive them.  
“Urg“, they offer up. Etta, who is standing over them, blocking out the light, winces.  
“Out of all the sensible things to say, that was entirely unsensible.“  
“I am unsensible.“  
“And unhelpful as always.“  
“Well, I’m sorry that I passed out while you were invading my head, I’ll be sure to not do that in the future.“ They’d have some other comments to over up as well, but are cut short when Etta suddenly slinks down next to them, a knee on their stomach.  
“You actually don’t know what you did. Like you actually do not know how you transformed him.“  
“That’s what I was trying to tell you!“  
“But don’t you understand what that means? If I don’t know the exact course of magic you took, then I can’t revert it! You doomed us all!“  
Cayris is pretty sure that they just heard a dramatic three tone orchestra theme in the background. Probably a side-effect of passing out.  
“There’s gotta be some way to-“  
“Well, there isn’t.“  
Etta slumps back, and Cayris takes the chance to sit up. Both of them stare at the ferret for a second. Etta seems to have lost her drive for the time being and Cayris themselves is perfectly happy with having a bit of a lull after all this tiring action. The ferret seems to share their views on the subject.  
“Why is he so tired?“, Cayris asks.  
“Ferrets sleep a lot. Like, a serious lot.“ Etta gets up from the floor, retrieves her robe out of Cayris’ hands and somehow manages to put it back on again while still looking as graceful as always.  
“And what is your plan of action now?“  
Cayris has the heartfelt wish that there is gonna be a next step. They can’t say that they’re too sorry for Xarenius who has seemingly turned people into mailboxes for years, but they’re also not not sorry.  
“I don’t know what to do.“ Etta picks up one of the books she must’ve read before, and looks at the page it is opened up to for a mere five seconds, then huffs indignantly and throws the poor book onto a different pile.  
“This is all your fault.“  
Cayris feels the desire to retreat, now more than ever, but also they don’t want to return to Mother and her pie shop, with nothing to do but scraping the counters. They gather their skirts and stand a bit taller.  
“Well, if it’s my fault, then I should be the one to fix it.“  
“And how exactly do you propose you’re gonna do that? You don’t even know with what you hit him!“  
“I’ll find out then.“ They're trying very hard not to let their voice crack, to not demolish any of the moment's awesomeness. It would be a shame, they think, if future historians remembered this conversation mostly by the line “but then their voice squeaked, and the adventure was called off“.  
“I’m gonna go on a Big Epic Quest to find a way to help Xarenius. I will neither rest nor waver until I’ve found a cure to his condition.“  
“The condition being that he is a ferret.“  
“Obviously. I do have one condition here myself though.“  
Etta stares at them. “No. No, Xarenius has the condition, you were going on about how you might save him from being a ferret for the rest of his life, remember?“  
“My condition“, Cayris declares, their voice ringing, “is that upon fulfilling my quest, I will be allowed to become Xarenius’ novice, and no one will get turned into a mailbox ever again.“  
There is a moment of silence and then Etta laughs.  
“You. You to become his novice. After everything that you did.“  
“I am already his novice, if we’re being precise here.“  
“Oh, yes, please let’s be precise!“  
“He told me that if he failed to turn me into a mailbox, I’d be allowed to become his novice“, Cayris reproaches. “And he did indeed fail to do that, so I am his novice now.“  
“The novice of a ferret that sleeps eighteen hours a day.“  
“That is why I’ll be going on my epic magical quest to find a cure. But he will make me his novice afterwards, and he’ll not try to turn me or anyone else into a mailbox. You’ll have to promise that beforehand.“  
“And what exactly is my promise gonna be worth if he breaks it?“  
Cayris has not thought about that before, but quickly makes do with what is at hand. “You are his assistant, right? So you can take an oath for him, if need be.“  
Etta thinks about that for a while.  
“And why exactly would I need your help? I can go on a Big Epic Quest of my own, and probably be done with the whole matter come lunchtime. It seems an epic waste of ressources to bring you along.“  
“Trick question. You obviously think that I can help you since I am the one who transformed him, otherwise I wouldn’t even be here right now. And“, they add hastily, because you can never be careful enough with these things, “the Big Epic Quest was my idea. You can’t just steal that!“  
Etta actually laughs. “That is not how this works.“  
Cayris whisks that aside. “Are you, Etta of the Black and Insanely Big Robes, standing in for Xarenius, the Sleepy Ferret, Bringer of Mailboxes and Deceiver of Fair Wagers, willing to take this Oath?“  
Etta considers again, then stretches out her hand. “It can’t get much worse either way, can it?“  
Cayris spits on her hand, and Etta exclaims that she is not touching that, so then they have to go and get a towel and wipe it off, and then they actually do make an oath, with Xarenius the ferret sitting on the table between them, eyes way too smart for an animal in a really unsettling way.  
And Cayris can’t help but feel… excited, they think. Maybe the future does indeed have something to offer. And if that something includes magical ferrets and masked home demolishers, well, all of that sounds a deal more like actual stuff happening than working in the shop with Mother. It does also sound a deal more dangerous, but Cayris is able to not think about that particular part for now.  
There is much to plan. After all, they have a quest to go on.


	5. the epic quest beginneth

The thing Cayris has not thought about in their plan of the epic quest, or moreso, the thing that real heroes never seem to have much problems with, is, of course, Mother.  
Mother, as it turns out, has had a rather annoying morning, with having to find someone willing to fix the door, and then realizing that Cayris and the nefarious girl they are apparently dating (Cayris thinks that if Etta ever hears about that particular part of the story, she’ll kill everyone involved) had disappeared through the window, which leads Mother to stiffly prompt that Etta seems to be having a problem with getting in and out of places in general.  
Cayris does think it best to not mention the quest. They simply tell Mother that Etta is the mage’s apprentice, and that they are to go with Etta this instant. Even with that family friendly version of the story, Mother is not happy.  
“You, to go with the mage? Does he actually think you are gonna become a mage?“, she asks while kneading something that looks like pizza dough. Cayris, who is in the midst of packing for the epic quest, does not appreciate Mother’s questions.  
“I am gonna be a real mage. I told you“, they say while throwing a bourret they found in the wardrobe onto the pile of stuff they might need.   
“But you are Chaotic, Cayris! Chaotics are, well…“  
“Not cut out for magic?“ That is just plain out wrong, and Mother knows it. And yet she doesn’t reply, as if she is almost happy that Cayris has said it, so that she doesn’t have to.  
“Do you honestly believe that?“  
When Mother doesn’t answer, Cayris shoves past her. Their coat, the nice one with four layers in seven different colours, is waiting downstairs, and Cayris has never been more glad to slip into it. They pass Mother on the stairs, she on the way down, while they are already on their way up again.  
“Child, wait!“  
Mother tries to grab their arm, but Mother is old and has dough in her hands, and Cayris isn’t a child anymore, but young still, and angry and reckless and wearing a fancy coat. They reach their room and lock the door behind them, and now Mother is on the other side of the door, which suits them just right, and she is talking about honor and family and dangers and life, but Cayris is too busy preparing their coat to listen.  
Good coats, as everyone will know, are the ones that have multiple pockets for multiple things to keep in. Great coats are the ones that manage to make their pockets bigger on the inside, to safekeep bigger things. Excellent coats, however, have so many pockets of so many sizes that an entire life might fit into them.   
Cayris’ coat is just shy of being a truly excellent coat, and falls somewhere into the region of better than mediocre great coats. Still, it manages to accomodate quite a lot of stuff, and when Cayris emerges from the room a few minutes later, their coat is filled to the brim with all kinds of useful things, and they feel like they are truly and actually ready for their heroic quest. They have, of course, completely forgotten about Mother.  
“You can’t just go travel the world with a mage!“, she says, enraged. “They’re crazy. You’re crazy.“  
“All the best people are.“ They both turn around, one of them silently clutching the dough, one of them flailing and nearly falling down the stairs in panic. Etta is standing at the bottom of the steps, looking up. Or at least, Cayris assumes that she is looking up. With the robe and the mask and the pit of darkness that seems to encircle her face, it’s kinda hard to tell.  
“There you are again, sweetheart.“ The fact that Mother, after everything that has happened today, is still more polite to Etta than she ever was to Cayris is a tad annoying. More than a tad, actually, but Cayris tells themselves that they are way too mature to be bothered by such things.  
Instead, they fix their coat in a way that says “Look at me, I’m mature“, and then make their way down the stairs.  
“I shall be going now“, they tell Mother.   
“Take the door this time, if the two of you would be so kind“, she replies. Cayris cannot help but feel like it should’ve been harder. They are glad that Mother is just letting them go now, as it seems, but also they want Mother to wail and scream in despair upon being parted, and then maybe rip her dress for good measure. They want to feel like they are needed, and yet they are not.  
Xarenius does need them, though. Xarenius and Etta.  
Etta and Cayris leave the house through the front door, which looks a bit more charred than Cayris remembers, but otherwise fine. Etta clutches a small satchel that, they muse, probably includes more robes, just in case she needs a spare, and Xarenius the ferret is sleeping on her shoulder.  
“Where exactly are we going?“, Cayris asks.  
“Well, this is your epic quest.“  
“I thought you came prepared.“  
“I would never dare.“  
“Okay then.“ They make their way through the Village. Cayris spies Damier in one of the streets hillside. He makes a face at them, but quickly stops once he sees Etta, and, upon closer inspection, seems to decide that he really doesn’t have time to spare for a nice little jab at them today.  
And then they are suddenly out of the Village that Cayris has grown up in, and following a path through a field of flowers, and Cayris realizes that they have never been farther away from home than this. History is about to be made.  
Right into this Important Moment stumbles a frog. It is not, by any means, an extra-ordinary frog: its skin is of a yellowish green, which makes for a nice contrast with its red uniform. Its eyes are quite big for its head, and it is carrying a little trumpet under one arm. Taking a second glance, Cayris decides that the trumpet is kinda fishy.  
“And who are you?“, Etta asks when they are only a few feet apart from each other. The frog, who has been studying a parchment that looks like it has seen better days, is suddenly made aware of them, squeaks and tries to hide behind the parchment. His trumpet very nearly falls to the muddy ground, and if Cayris hadn’t caught him, the frog might’ve fallen as well.  
“Unhand me!“, he squeaks at once. “I am a messenger of the Queen!“  
Cayris dutifully unhands him, and then also hands him the trumpet back.   
“The Queen?“, they ask. They don’t know any queen, although they are aware of the fact that there is a queen, or possibly more than one, but the Court is quite a journey away and therefore unimportant. The frog clears his throat with a remarkably wet sound. “The Red Queen, of the Keep and the Castle, She of the Big Forehead, the Untarnished, the Card-Bringerin, the Dawn Prin-“  
“Yes, we’re familiar“, Etta interrupts, which both the frog and Cayris think is quite impolite of her - at least Cayris thinks that, the frog just grows very red in the face, which aside from being their main hint that he might be of the same opinion, doesn’t mix entirely well with his skin colour.  
“But what are you doing here?“, Cayris wants to know. It is, after all, quite a long way to the Court, and even more so if you have very small legs.  
“I am here as an official messenger to the Red Queen, of the Keep and the Caste, She of the Big Forehead, the Untarnished, the Card-Bringerin…“ He runs out of breath for a second, and Etta uses that moment to remind him: “You’ve already said that. Get to the important part already.“  
“The message of the Red Queen is as following.“ He clears his throat again and unrolls the parchment. “Any and all mages named Xarenius are to appear in front of the Court for a ruling. Please bring your own rulers.“  
“Xarenius?“, Cayris asks incredulous. “And why should he do that?“  
“I am only the messenger“, says the messenger frog. “But…“ And here he looks up at them, and his big eyes suddenly hold quite a lot of malice. “If any or both of you know any or more than one mages named Xarenius, it is of the uttermost importance that you tell me immediately.“  
“We don’t know any mages by that name“, Etta says, and Cayris wants to point out that lying is bad, but also they can’t really fault Etta for not handing out Xarenius to this highly suspicious frog.  
“But maybe you yourself are mages called Xarenius?“, the frog asks, seemingly sure that he has outwitted the both of them. Cayris looks at Etta.  
“Are you a mage named Xarenius?“, they ask.  
“Don’t think so. You?“  
“Nah.“ Cayris turns back to the frog. “Neither of us are Xarenius, as it seems.“  
“Well, what a pity. It seems that I’ll have to carry on with my search then.“ He folds the parchment and tucks it into his trumpet.  
“How long have you been searching?“, Cayris asks.   
“Oh, a long time.“ The frog shrugs. “I have lost track of it, to be honest.“  
“A thing you should never do with time“, Etta muses. Somehow the Time sounds like it’s spelled with a capital letter.  
“Indeed.“ The frog shudders. “But we all make mistakes sometimes, don’t we? Now hop along, kids, and I’ll be damned if I don’t reach the next village before night falls.“  
“What would you do if you didn’t?“  
“Sleep outside.“ It seems to be quite a terrible thing to imagine, since he tones his voice down to a whisper. “And with this being near the Castle of Cats as well, you’ve gotta be extra careful, I tell you. Yesterday evening, I was almost eaten by a stork. Can you imagine.“  
“Vividly.“ Etta seems keen to get going again, but Cayris is too intrigued to simply let that go.  
“How did you escape?“  
“He made the mistake of trying to swallow my trumpet first, and while he was busy choking on it, I made a run for it. Even got back the trumpet later, although it’s a bit crooked here now, see?“   
Cayris does see, and wishes him and the trumpet all the best, and then he says his goodbyes and continues walking towards the Village they have just left.  
“Why is Xarenius wanted for a ruling?“, Cayris asks after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, when they are sure that the frog is out of hearing distance.  
“I don’t know. He probably offended someone, like, twenty years ago.“  
“And they are only having the hearing now?“  
“That is how the judicial system works in this land.“  
“What a wonderful hot mess of a land that is“, Cayris says. They have never actually thought about the whole land as a thing before, because it was a term that didn’t make sense to them. The Villages are like little kingdoms themselves, and the Red Queen is nothing but a far away fairytale.  
“Where exactly are we going to spend the night?“, they ask now, remembering that particular part of the conversation with the frog. Etta seems to be caught on the wrong foot.  
“I don’t know. The woods, probably.“  
The sun isn’t setting yet, and they still have hours of walking ahead of them, yet the idea of sleeping in the woods does already sound appealing to Cayris midday, and surely will only be better once it’s actually dark and spooky in there.  
“Yes!“, they exclaim, since that seems like the reckless thing to do. Etta throws them an eye-less look that is somewhere between bemused and annoyed, but doesn’t say anything, and so they continue on their way through the fields.  
It’s a nice warm day today, one of the first this Season, and Cayris is glad that they aren’t the one wearing a thick black robe. If Etta feels that the heat is a problem though, she doesn’t say, which means that she is either insanely powerful, or insanely proud, or maybe just insanely into gothic fashion.  
They spend hours in what might nearly be a companionable silence. Cayris on their part is too busy seeing all of the world around them to talk, and Etta is probably already annoyed with them again. Xarenius wakes up shortly before sunset, yawns, and then climbs into Etta’s bag, presumabely to take another nap.  
“I could put that into my coat if you want me to“, Cayris says since it’s the polite thing to say. Etta looks as horror-struck as if she has her firstborn child in there (she sure must be passionate about these robes, Cayris thinks) and doesn’t even reply to the offer.  
The sun is starting to set now, and Cayris is just about to propose marching into the direction of the woods that have emerged to their left side, to find some cover and a place to stay for the night, when they see the house.  
To call it a mere house does not do the structure justice. It is a palace, more like, even though quite a small one at that, colourful and juvenile and somehow feline in its appearance - the two towers to the sides of the entrance gate house huge cotton nests for seating, and a number of ropes and similiar decorum are nearly exploding out of the top windows, dangling to the ground as if they are meant for climbing up the towers with, and there is a serious lot of catnip growing right in front of the gate in orderly lines.  
“This seems to be the house of the cat that the messenger frog warned us about“, Etta suggests.  
“You want to go inside?“  
“The frog specifically told us not to.“   
“I‘m just saying, he was a frog and all. Maybe he didn‘t think about the fact that we aren‘t frogs before telling not to go there.“  
“I suspect it might be warmer in there over night“, Etta says, doubt creeping into her voice. “And I could use some food as well.“  
“I‘ve brought some.“ Cayris rummages through their coat and offers Etta a box of hyacinths. Etta wrinkles her nose.  
“You eat those?“  
“Obviously.“ Cayris opens the box, looks at the six flowers resting on a bed of stems that are inside, carefully picks one and plucks it into their mouth. “They‘re delicious.“  
“I‘m personally more of a real food kind of person.“  
“Flowers are real food.“ The sentence comes out kinda mushed together, since Cayris is currently eating the very real food, but as everyone knows, flowers only taste good if you eat them in one bite, and never mind what Mother says about manners and all of that.  
“We should pay the cat a visit“, Etta says after another moment of consideration. “Maybe she knows something that might help Xarenius.“  
“I propose“, Cayris interjects while carefully tucking away the remaining five flowers, “that we refer to Xarenius by a code name henceforth, so that nobody may know that we know him.“  
“And why would we do that?“  
“Because of the Red Queen, of course. He cannot answer to her summons while he is busy being a ferret! How is he to defend himself?“  
“That does make sense“, says Etta. “My question was more along the lines of: why would we use code names, when it‘s literally just the two of us and Xarenius standing in an open field, with nobody else to hear us for miles?“  
“Well, I heard you!“ They both jump, and then turn to find the source of the sound. There is, however, nobody there.  
“Down here!“ Down on the path, there is a spectacularly big bee, staring up at them.  
“And who are you supposed to be, tiny form of intelligence?“, asks Etta.  
“I‘m Bernd the Bee“, says the Bee, who is allegedly named Bernd.  
“This“, Etta says, “is exactly the reason why I don‘t leave the house if I can manage. You can‘t even have a nice afternoon out without running into countless life forms trying to make conversation.“  
“I don‘t mind conservation. I‘m Cayris, by the way, and this is Etta, who is about as gloomy and emotional as her outside appearance might suggest.“ Cayris goes to one knee, and outstretches their hand. Bernd carefully takes their pinky and shakes it with four of his arms.  
“And what are you doing in these lands?“, he inquires.  
“Just a nice little afternoon stroll, just as Etta here said.“ Cayris prides themselves on being able to act quickly under pressure, and then outdoes themselves by adding: “Say, we were discussing this earlier, but haven‘t yet found an answer to our problem. How would you go about transforming someone, purely hypothetical of course, back into a human? You must surely know, since you are a talking animal yourself.“  
“That doesn‘t even make sens-“, Etta starts, but it outdroned by Bernd, who apparently is way too busy being happy that he was asked to help them than actually wondering what the question is about. “Well, I‘d ask the caster of the original spell with what they hit the person, of course.“  
“Let‘s say, purely hypothetical of course, that they didn‘t know“, says Etta, whose tongue is as biting as ever, and who, Cayris thinks, might not have used the word stupid, but most definitely have thought it at least thrice while forming that sentence.  
“Well, that would‘ve been quite a stupid Caster, excuse me“, says Bernd, who in his defense doesn‘t know who they are talking about.  
“But what would you do?“  
“I‘d probably ask another mage for help.“ Bernd looks up at the sun, which is not that high up in the sky anymore at all, to be precise, and adds: “I really gotta go now. I‘ve lost the honeycombs again, and if I can‘t trace my way back there before sunset, they‘re gonna close the gate again, and then I‘ll have to spend another night outside.“ He shudders even thinking about it. “Have fun with your riddle though, and tell me if you ever solve it.“  
“We‘ll be sure to do just that.“  
“And beware of the cat!“ And then Bernd the Bee is gone. There is a moment of silence, and then-  
“I can‘t believe we didn‘t think about finding another mage ourselves before. That is so the obvious thing to do.“  
“I think we really shouldn‘t go meet the cat.“  
They look at each other in confusion for a second, and then both reply to the other‘s statement at the same time.  
“We have to go to the cat now. It‘s way too exciting not to!“  
“I definitely thought about the mage thing.“ Etta looks very smug upon delivering those words.  
“Why didn‘t you tell me then?“  
“Well, I obviously thought that you had figured that out yourself as well. It isn‘t an exactly hard thing to think of, is it now.“  
Cayris does not respond to that. Instead they rewrap their coat around themselves, and then make their way in the rough direction of the alleged cat house.  
“I can‘t believe you still want to go there.“ Etta trails after them, very obviously torn between the immediate danger of encountering dangerous cats, and the also apparent danger of freezing to death in the woods. The cats do seem to win, since she simply sighs and then catches up to Cayris so fast that Cayris could‘ve sworn that she‘d flown across the ground.  
“By the way, you do not have permission to simply ask anyone for a cure when it strikes your fancy.“  
That does get an answer out of Cayris. “Permission? I wasn‘t aware that I needed permission to talk.“  
“Xarenius is my responsibility. You‘re just here to fix what you‘ve done, and you‘re not gonna goof this up any further.“ Her voice is suddenly a lot colder, and Cayris does feel like responding in an equally harsh manner, but then thinks better of it. On of them has to be the bigger person, after all, and at least they know that they did the right thing asking Bernd for his advice.  
The both of them spend the rest of the walk in quite a cool silence, the sun setting on the horizon, and the cat house growing nearer and nearer.


	6. the epic quest continueth

Just when Cayris thinks about maybe breaking the silence, a cat steps out on the road in front of them.  
“And what are you two doing here?“, it asks in a voice that is not really unfriendly, but also surely not friendly either.  
“We are looking for a place to stay over the night“, Cayris responds.  
“Well, well. Surely you two aren’t chicken thieves then?“  
“Chicken thieves?“ The amusement is thick in Etta’s voice. “And why would we steal chicken?“  
“You smell of ferret.“ The cat doesn’t actually hiss, but it’s pretty damn close.  
“Well, that’s a simple misunderstanding. We happen to have a ferret with us, but-“  
“A ferret?!“ The cat turns back to Cayris so fast that its form isn’t clearly visible for a second. “You dare to bring a ferret into my holy halls?“  
“We aren’t actually in your house“, Cayris can’t help but point out.  
“The land is mine all the same!“ If the cat had seemed outraged before, it has reached a whole new level of anger now. “You can’t just bring dangerous predators in here! I should get the two of you and your little pet ferret dragged to the Court right now.“  
“For a ruling?“  
“Obviously.“  
“But we don’t have rulers.“  
“That can be helped!“ The cat’s furr is thrice as big as it was in the beginning now, and Cayris begins to think that maybe they made a mistake coming this way, when Etta steps in.  
“Why are you worried about the chickens? I can promise that the ferret we carry will not harm them. It’s not a normal ferret. And if you let us stay in the house this night, then I’m sure I’ll be able to help with some problem or another you’re experiencing. A hole in the roof, a magic well that doesn’t work anymore, that sort of thing.“  
That is a very good idea, and Cayris feels kinda useless for not having thought about it themselves. They have, so far, not made any contributions to this quest at all, besides pointless banter, and even though they are aware that Etta has more expertise that can be used in this situation, and they have just started on their quest, and things are gonna turn out just fine in a while, they do feel kinda bad about it.  
“Work, you say.“ The cat is clearly interested now. “And you are a User then?“  
“An Elemental, actually.“ Etta’s voice is sweet as honey. “But I’m sure that I’ll be able to help with one thing or other.“  
“Well, there is one thing, actually.“ The cat doesn’t elaborate on what exactly they’ll need to do. “Well, I suppose I could clear out some space in the left tower“, it says after thinking about if for a little while. “And you’ll be gone in the morning?“  
“Sure thing.“  
“Good. We shall lick on it.“  
“You mean, spit on it?“, Cayris asks.  
“I meant what I said.. Not all species are as undignified as humans. Cats don’t spit on things.“  
And instead, the cat licks its paw once, and then holds it out to Etta.  
“I, Dinah the Cat, offer you my everlasting acquaintanceship and a one-time stay in my castle, in exchange for the completion of a task that I will bestow upon you.“  
“I, Etta the Mage’s Apprentice, offer the completion of one, singular task, which will not put me or any of mine in danger of physical harm or an ambush, in exchange for shelter during the next night.“  
Etta licks her hand as well, which is quite a feat considering she is still wearing her robe, and the mask underneath it. Dinah the Cat purrs approvingly of the ceremonial aspect, though. They shake hands, or paws, or whatever you’d call it.  
“Do you want me to say some words too, or are we all done here?“, Cayris asks, feeling kind of unnecessary.  
“I think we’re good.“ Etta and Dinah fall in line next to each other, already making conversation, and Cayris trudges along, suddenly very tired and weary and all in all done with this shit.  
“I wasn’t too worried when the first chickens disappeared. After all, we live in a house of cats, and the kittens especially need to be reminded of their obligations from time to time. So I got everyone together after the second time that it happened, which is nearly three weeks ago now, and had a serious talk with them.“  
“But chickens kept disappearing?“  
“Indeed they did. I honestly don’t think that it’s one of the cats anymore, they all get paid for the work they put in, and even though they do sometimes step out of line, they would never go that far; and none of our size could eat two entire chicks every night anyway.“  
“So you want us to find the chicken thief.“  
“Exactly. I’ll lock you in the stall that has been under attack for the last three days, and see if you manage to find something. The attacks normally happen shortly after sunset, this much we know, even though we haven’t been able to spot the attacker yet. But you guys are a lot bigger than cats, and you have magic as well, so I think you’re better cut out for the job either way.“  
“And what about the cat being a natural predator?“, Cayris asks, trying desperately to catch up both with Etta and Dinah, and the conversation they are having.  
“Well, to be honest that was kind of an overconfident statement on the cat’s part who made that assertion.“  
And with that the conversation turns to thief-proof windows, and everlasting fire and other things that Cayris doesn’t understand, and so they hang back and concentrate on their surroundings instead.  
The house is right in front of them now, only a few minutes of walking away, and it looks even more pretentious and weird from up close.  
The roofs on the towers are made up of pink and lilac tiles, and the gate has some magenta writing on it that Cayris can’t read - either because they have not learned all the letters of the alphabet after all (they always suspected that Mother hadn’t taught them all of it) or because cats use a special language to write on gates, or maybe it is an ancient ritual summoning Satan, and no one is supposed to understand it, anyway.  
Someone on one of the towers must’ve spotted them, since what sounds like a huge gong is rung, and the gate opens up. Cats are spilling out of it in enormous numbers, such huge numbers, actually, that Cayris begins to wonder how they all managed to fit inside the castle before.  
They reach the gate and the gathering of cats waiting in front of it, and Dinah starts to go around and make introductions.  
“This is Tabby, and his brother Nabby, and here are the triplets: Rosy, Sweetie, and One Little Telekinetic Antichrist; and then obviously the White Kitten and the Black Kitten, who for once in their life could take care of their own fur, for the love of the cat lord above. This gentleman with the monocle over here is Sir Smartypants, my good uncle, and the lady to his right is Queen of the Underlands, my godmother. The rest of them are my cousins, mostly, but since cousins are not of that much importance, we don’t need to introduce them by name.“  
Etta and Cayris say their hellos and are then escorted inside the castle and straight across a big yard that features more pink and magenta tiles that clash together in a way that nearly makes Cayris sick.  
“And this is the barn, where you will be staying tonight.“ Dinah opens up a door that reaches up to their waists. Etta and Cayris share a moment of uncomfortable silence.  
“How are we supposed to fit in there, exactly?“, Cayris asks after a while, since Etta does not seem to be keen on doing that.  
“Well, simply squish yourself together for the time being, kid. I’m sure you’ll manage. See you outside, once you’ve caught the thief.“  
She lets them take a look inside the shack, where the chickens are already sleeping in their nests, and explains that the thief seems to simply open the door and grab whatever chicken he can find, so if they wait directly behind the door, they should have a good shot at catching the intruder.  
And with that, Dinah is gone, and Cayris and Etta are left in front of a wooden barn, with the sound of soft chicken snores coming out of it. Finally, Etta shrugs, and gracefully ducks into the shack. Cayris follows remarkably less gracefully.  
“And what are we to do now?“, they ask. Etta is busy trying to stuff herself into a corner of the room, and does only respond after a good amount of shuffling about.  
“We wait for the thief, of course. Then we catch him and get to sleep in the Tower, plus hopefully find out more about magic from the cats, if we‘re lucky. That‘s how quests go, isn‘t it?“  
“That does sound like a good idea.“ Cayris is not so sure it‘s gonna go that way, though. They have a certain tendency to fuck things up (see, for example, the ritual on the First Day of Season, the transformation of Xarenius, or their relationship with Mother).  
Etta seems to have similar concerns.  
“Right. Which is why you will stay right where you are and let me handle this. No Chaotic magic tricks or any of that sort.“  
“I wouldn‘t dare.“ To think that Etta doesn‘t even trust them far enough to do that, is kinda disheartening. Although obviously they don‘t care about Etta anyway, and she can do whatever the hell she wants and Cayris is not even gonna be bothered by it because Etta is simply not important enough to bother them. Ah, yes.  
Cayris tries to find a spot in the straw that looks at least mildly comfortable. The hens around them are all snoring peacefully (Cayris had no idea that chickens can snore, but apparently they are not only able to do that in alarming dynamics, but also look insanely cute while doing it), and Cayris starts to feel quite tired as well. The bad part about having to go on a quest is the going part, they think, desperately trying to keep their eyes open.  
They are, after all, on a mission, and Cayris is desperate to prove to Etta that they are able to behave like a fully grown and functioning adult. Hell, they would probably be able to catch the chicken thief on their own if they wished to! It‘s really about time that Etta stops looking down on them quite as much. Have they not battled an actual mage and come out on top? Granted, that exact situation is why they are now in this barn, trying not to take a nap, but they still feel like they deserve some credit for it.  
How did they manage to do that, actually?  
Now that Cayris thinks about it, it‘s a damn good question, and they voice it to Etta. She, as always, has some depressing insides to offer.  
“That‘s the thing with Chaotics. They are powerful, just not good at handling the power. Which is exactly why you will not use your powers, are we clear on that?“  
“But...“ Cayris tries to sit up, and nearly headbumps into a hen. “But why didn‘t they tell us that?“  
“Well, I don‘t know. Village Education isn‘t that good, as it seems.“  
“But Chaotics are not meant to do magic. That is what they always say.“  
“Well, they aren‘t wrong. If you don‘t have absolute control over what you're doing it's highly dangerous and should not be encouraged.“  
“But I‘ll still be able to become a mage, right?“  
“Well. You‘ll be able to try, at least. With a good instructor, who you will not turn into a ferret again.“  
“I solemnly swear that any ferret transforming activities will only be used to reciprocate anything that he throws at me.“  
“Well, that is a small hope, at least. Now be a darling and stop the bickering, we have a job to do.“  
And with that, they fall into silence again. Cayris is still thinking about the whole Chaotic thing. It is entirely unfair, they decide after a while of thinking, that people are just assigned a certain aspect of magic, like, here you go, this is your future now, have a nice day.Cayris is not gonna let their life go that way. They have decided that before, but now, with the added knowledge of the true powers that Chaotics hold, they make the same choice again, and promise themselves that on top of that, they will try to uproot the entire magic system in the process.  
It is quite a big decision to make, and Cayris can‘t help but feel like it should be accompanied by roaring thunder or lightning bolts (or both), but the gods of the sky seem to be busy doing something else today, and Cayris can‘t really fault them for that. It is turning out to be quite a boring evening, after all.  
They have successfully drowsed off and then woken up again for three times, and so far have not been reprimanded by Etta, when something changes. Cayris isn't sure when it happens exactly, but suddenly the hens have stopped snoring.  
“The thief is near“, Etta whispers. She almost sounds excited, but that can‘t be right, since Cayris is sure that Etta hates any kind of commotion, catching whirlwind thieves most of all.  
Cayris tries to get into a position that is slightly less awkward and slightly more posed to jump onto someone. They have promised Etta to not use their powers, which to be honest, is not a big promise to make, since they don‘t have control over them anyway. They have, however, not promised to stay clear of the whole thing. And since Etta seems to be the brain of the quest, it is only fair that they get to be the muscle.  
The door opens up suddenly. Cayris has no time to even look at the person standing on the other side, just barely recognizes that it‘s a robed figure, and definitely not a cat checking up on them, and then they jump.  
“Ah!“ The voice sounds male, and younger than expected.  
The intruder and Cayris hit the ground, hard, Cayris on top. There is a lot of scratching and biting, and the impolite use of fingernails. The intruder tries to deal them a blow, but does not manage to unwirl himself from his own robes. Cayris hits his head to the ground, maybe a bit harder than absolutely necessary, but who uses their fingernails in an ambush, and then the body beneath them goes actually limp for a second.  
“I give up!“, the boy shouts.  
Cayris gets up and kicks him lightly for good measure.  
“What the f-“ He rolls to the side, finally manages to get out of his robes, and looks like he might not be a man of his word and make a run for it, however, is quickly held back by the sight of Etta leaving the barn.  
“And who are you supposed to be?“ His skin is lighter than Cayris‘ by quite a bit, and probably a bit greyer than usual, on account of experiencing a recent ambush.  
He has dark curls that are mussed up from all the ambush-ing, and eyes the colour of grass that switch back and forth between the two of them.  
“We are justice!“, Cayris intones, because it seems fitting. Something that sounds like badly suppressed laughter emerges out of Etta‘s hood.  
“You are the chicken thief! I name you by the law of the land as an intruder and a thief, and now you will serve justice for your crimes.“  
“Oh, come on.“ The boy does get up from the ground now.  
“What do you need all those innocent hens for anyway?“, they ask.  
Etta cocks her head to the side. “I don‘t think it‘s important to know why he did it, moreso to know that he did it.“  
“You, my dear, are entirely unimaginative“, the boy says. “Aren‘t you gonna lay awake at night now, wondering what I did with all those hens? Aren‘t you gonna come up with chicken conspiracies, or henhouse talk? Is the fact that the riddle will never be answered not gonna scratch you til the end of days?“  
“I‘m pretty sure I‘m gonna be fine“, Etta says, and then she cries out: “Dinah! We got him, Dinah!“  
“You‘re gonna call the cats on me? Not fair!“  
“What is not fair is that you're stealing all those poor hens. I am simply readjusting the game board.“  
“Actually, I readjusted it“, Cayris deigns fit to mention. “Remember my clever ambush?“  
“Clever is not the word I‘d use to describe it, but sure, honey.“  
There is something in his voice, coated under layers of quirkiness and whatever that honey part was about, that speaks to Cayris.  
“What is your name?“ , they ask.  
“Eric.“  
Well, that is a name. It doesn‘t speak to them at all, and neither does his easy smile, or the way he outstretches his hand for them to shake. Maybe they were wrong, they think; yet there is something about him that they recognize, that is theirs as well, and they can‘t help but feel a tiny bit sorry to be giving this stranger over to Dinah the Cat‘s wrath.  
But quests aren‘t supposed to be easy, they remind themselves, and either way, Eric the Chicken Thief got himself into this mess.  
One moment later, they have to reevaluate their decision, when Dinah the Cat descends upon them, and her wrath is even bigger than expected.  
“The thief is here! The thief is caught!“, she yells, and a freaking horde of cats answers the call. Eric is beginning to look a bit panicked around the edges.  
“Listen, I‘m sure we‘ll figure something out“, he starts to say into Etta‘s general direction, but then Dinah is standing right in front of him, and she does not look happy at all. Cayris decides to take note on this and never ever anger a speaking cat. They might not lead the happiest life so far, but they do prefer it to death, especially death by angry cats.  
“You are the thief!“  
“Well, that makes it sound entirely too dangerous. It‘s not like I stole the entire world or something.“  
“You might as well have! All my poor, precious hens, murdered to suit the appetite of a crime-loving sociopath!“  
“Well, I- what?“  
“You ate them, admit it now! More than thirty chickens in as many days. It‘s a miracle you still fit through the barn door.“  
“I did not eat them, thank you very much! I‘m vegan.“  
“You‘re what now?“, Cayris asks. Etta sighs in exasperation.  
“You never ask a vegan anything, especially not anything that is connected to veganism. In the name of the Queen, where have you been all your life?“ She is too late though, since Eric is already droning on.  
“Well, other people will tell you this differently, but for me, veganism is all about-“  
“That is quite enough of that“, Dinah the cat cuts him off before Cayris can actually be informed about the many pros of adapting a vegan lifestyle, which is a shame, since everything that annoys Etta is probably worth a try.  
“And what exactly have you done to all those chickens if you haven‘t eaten them?“  
“Why, for my magic tricks, of course! Doves would obviously be preferred, but there weren‘t any in the area.“  
“And so you decided to steal my hens instead.“ Dinah, if that is even possible, seems to be growing even bigger. Cayris has other concerns.  
“Magic tricks? What kind of magic?“  
“Well, disappearing, transforming, virgin in the box. All kinds, really.“  
“You‘re a magician!“ A real life magician, someone who will surely know what to do about the whole Xarenius situation, and right in front of them, too! Cayris can‘t believe their luck, but Etta is quick enough to ruin it.  
“He is not a magician“, she states with a certain tinge of disdain in her voice. “He is… a street artist, at best.“  
“But he does magic.“  
“Nothing but trickery. He does not have a shimmer of true magic in him, let alone magic magic.“  
“All of this talk is quite bothersome“, Dinah interrupts, which is probably for the best, since Eric seems to be thinking about jumping onto Etta and saving his reputation by way of fist fight.  
“The two of you have helped us splendidly and will forever be remembered as friends of Dinah and her folks. We will be able to take the situation into our own paws from here on out, since the thief is not a magician and therefore will pose no harm to us. One Little Telekinetic Antichrist!“  
“Beg your pardon, Miss Cat, but I‘d really wish you adress me as Eric, if it‘s not bother.“  
“I was talking to my niece, you utter idiot.“  
One Little Telekinetic Antichrist emerges from the crowd of gathered siblings.  
“Aunt Dinah?“  
“You‘ll be showing our two brave friends and their pet ferret to the rooms we have prepared in the Western Tower. You know the ones, dear?“  
“Obviously.“  
“Purr-fect. Then be on your way.“  
“Come on.“ Etta tugs on Cayris‘ sleeve.  
“But what is gonna happen to Eric?“, Cayris asks while being pulled along.  
“My aunt will take care of him“, One Little Telekinetic Antichrist promises.  
“Good night, unfriendly people!“, Eric shouts after them.  
“But he didn‘t kill the birds. Maybe if he was to simply bring them back-“  
“He stole all the same. And I‘m sure that he doesn‘t have all the birds neatly stacked for his convenience somewhere. He probably lost them, that‘s why he kept coming back.“  
They leave the circle of cats behind them, and make their way to the Western Tower, where warm beds and a surprisingly good meal awaits them. Still, Cayris cannot go back to sleep. Maybe because the thought of anyone getting harmed bugs them, or maybe because they are sure that Eric knows something that might help them.  
Or maybe they simply don‘t want Eric to get harmed, because he is Eric, and somehow means something to them. There is a certain look in his eyes, wild and free and absolutely crazy, that they recognize. It is the hunger for an adventure.


	7. shenanigans and campfires

About ten minutes have passed, and Etta is already sound asleep, or at least really good at pretending. Cayris can hear voices ringing up from the courtyard, and what seems to be an evilish cackle coming from Dinah the Cat herself.  
They do finally get up when the cats light the freaking fire. There are, after all, limits.  
Cayris makes their way downstairs, leaving the snoring Etta behind on the bed. The tower is bigger than they remembered, and the steps are a lot longer, and they get lost once or twice, but finally make their way to a door that leads straight to the courtyard.  
They do need a few seconds to realize what is going on down here, that’s how absurd the situation is. The cats have indeed lighted up a fire. Eric has been bound at his hands and ankles, and is currently in the midst of trying not to get set on fire. He is only mildly successful.  
“There you are again”, Dinah remarks upon seeing Cayris. She does not seem to be terribly upset about them being here, which, Cayris suspects, is gonna change drastically once they start to intervene.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Oh well, we were just getting the campfire started, and now we’re getting right into offering this thief up to Mother Cat.”  
“You mean, like sacrificing?”  
Dinah nods. People who have never seen a cat nod cannot understand how scary it looks. People who have seen a cat nod cannot understand how scary it looks in the middle of the night, with a fire burning in the background and Eric’s screams making for a nice auditive representation of the whole situation.  
He sounds, Cayris thinks, pretty much like they are feeling inside all of the time.  
“You can’t be seriously wanting to burn him! He isn’t even a man grown yet!”  
The screams are abruptly cut off. “Excuse me?”, Eric says in their general direction.  
“He is a thief. And people who don’t respect my rules are gonna get burned.” Dinah the Cat resumes her position in the circle of cats that has formed itself around the fire. “You.” She nods into the direction of the Black Kitten. “It’s your turn to start, if I’m not mistaken.”  
“The Black Kitten started the last time”, says the White Kitten. “It’s my turn.”  
“It’s my bloody turn”, the Black Kitten says in response, and then there is a full fledged word war going on, with everybody and their cat staking a claim to beginning the burning. Cayris is not sure what they are supposed to do - go back to bed and forget about this? Join in on the burning discussion? Call Etta for help?  
They make their way to Eric, who is standing inside the circle, as far away from the fire as possible. It does look a little bit too small to actually burn an entire person, Cayris thinks, but then again, they don’t have that much knowledge about burning people, and it might do just fine.  
“And here comes the cavalry.” Eric almost manages a smile. There is a twinkle in his eyes, that is not at all as despaired as he should be right now.  
Cayris gets immediately down to business. “Listen, do you have a plan to make a big escape or is it my turn to do something?”  
“Well, I certainly wouldn’t mind having a big escape plan right about now. But I guess a regular one will have to do.”  
“So you do have a plan.”  
“Oh honey, I would never dare to plan ahead. Where would all the fun go?”  
“The burning shall commence!”, Dinah announces with a voice so sharp that it cuts through the bickering going on. The Black Kitten steps forward and locks eyes with Eric.  
“Your coat looks like you already wore it when you popped out of the womb”, it announces cheerfully.  
The White Kitten takes over. “Your nose so big it doesn’t fit in your face anymore.”  
“The only reason why we haven’t caught you before is that all the chickens you stole fell unconscious upon seeing the monstrosity you call your face.”  
“What the hell are they doing?”, Cayris asks.  
“They are burning me.” Eric’s shoulders slump.  
“Oh.” Cayris laughs. “I thought they were actually gonna burn you. Like, in the fire.”  
“Oh, that is happening as well. They’re just getting a good roast in beforehand.”  
“So what is your plan to not die tonight?”  
“We’ll see.”  
The bickering continues. Just when Cayris’ personal favourite so far (“Your magic is so bad, when you try to perform it, the magic is afraid”) is called out, Etta enters the scene.  
“And what are you doing here?”  
“I am watching Eric get burned. It’s quite fun, actually.”  
“And here I thought you were on my side.” The trickster does look actually hurt.  
“I am on your side concerning the whole real burning. I do feel like you kind of earned this, though, to be honest. You stole from them, after all.”  
“That is nothing”, Eric agrees. “In my Village, we would’ve gotten turned into an apple tree for like, two years or something.”  
Cayris cocks their head. “Considering they do want to burn you later, I would not say that your sentence is to weak.”  
“Let me rephrase my question”, Etta cuts in. “Why exactly are you still up and about, mingling with the common folk?”  
“I am the common folk”, Cayris reminds her. Etta’s lips quirk up a bit.  
“Well, knowing the problem is the first step on your journey to overcome it, I suppose.”  
“And honey, not to rain on your parade or anything, but you are currently awake and mingling with me as well”, Eric adds. “So I could ask you the same thing.”  
“I was just looking for Cayris. Lord knows one can’t leave them alone without something terrible happening, and I’ve just about had my fair share of terrible things happening today.”  
“Oh, yeah? What happened? Someone not giving you enough praise and worship? Try being burned to death, dear.”  
Etta’s face is an unreadable mask when she turns away from Eric without even answering him.  
“Cayris, we're leaving.”  
“We can’t just go now!”, they protest. Etta grabs their arm, and Cayris grabs her arm, because two can play that game, and somehow they end up holding hands, and Eric has about one second to laugh about that before they are interrupted by a wild horde of cats.  
“It is time to burn the thief and offer his charred remains up to the Holy Cat Above!”, Dinah cries, and the cats follow her lead with a lot of additional shouting and banging on pots, and generally making a lot of noise.  
Eric cringes, and holds his still shackled hands out to Cayris.  
“Since you were nice enough to offer your help, would you be so kind?”  
“Cayris, don’t you even think about-”, Etta starts, but Cayris has already unbound the rope. Etta pushes them backwards, behind her.  
“Can’t you not to stupid stuff for five minutes? Five minutes, that’s all I’m asking here”, she grumbles. The cats, meanwhile, are in confusion.  
“Who has unbound the thief?!”, Dinah the Cat demands. Her voice is so angry and just and right that Cayris almost steps up and admits the whole thing, but then thinks better of it after all.  
Eric is openly laughing now.  
“Bind him again! And then burn him! Or burn him first and then bind him, I don’t care. Mainly, do something!”  
And with that, the cats leap into their direction. They are gonna get overrun, Cayris thinks, or maybe overjumped, just when Eric clears his throat and pulls a rainbow coloured sheet from his coat.  
“May I ask for your attention, please?”  
The cats stop dead in their tracks.  
“Do something!”, Dinah screams again.  
Eric obeys with a smile. He raises the sheet up over his head until it covers him completely and then lets go of it. The sheet falls to the ground. Eric has disappeared.


	8. an unnecessary workout

There is a moment of silence, and then a terrible commotion. Etta however, does not wait around for anything else to happen. She pulls Cayris to her side, grabs their arm way too hard, and starts to fly.  
That might sound like a fancy thing now, but flying really isn’t all that great, especially when you yourself have no control over the air and have not been previously informed that you were gonna leave the ground.  
Cayris screams, a tiny bit. Maybe a bit longer than a tiny bit.  
Etta murmurs something about terrible manners, and navigates tham high up in the air, and right over the castle walls. Cayris knows this despite desperately trying not to look down.  
“What are you doing?”, they ask.  
“Getting us to safety, obviously. It would have only been a matter of minutes before they found out that you have unbound the thief.”  
“His name is Eric.”  
“His name is trouble, and if I’d known that you’d be such a pain in the ass, I wouldn’t have let you come along in the first place.”  
“You, letting me come along? That’s not how I remember it!”  
Etta does not respond to that, instead she nearly flings them over the wall, and then lets them drop to the ground unceremoniously.  
“Run”, is all she says, which is a tall order, since Cayris seems to have misplaced their lungs somewhere. Yet an especially loud cry of outrage from inside the castle walls sets them afoot well enough.  
Etta is already on the run, her robes trailing behind her and in the darkness looking more like a phantom than ever. Cayris grabs their stomach and follows suit.  
Etta, they discover quickly, is not running all too fast, which is a huge relief, since they are not good at any form of fast movement, either.  
“Couldn’t you just float us away”, they gasp between breaths.  
“Too much energy needed. No more talking”, Etta gasps back. They run off the road and into the high grass. Etta is aiming for the forest, Cayris realizes.  
“I hope you’re aware of the fact that you just ruined the beginning of a great new connection to the Circle of Cats forever”, Etta says a few minutes later despite her earlier comment on not talking.  
“Not my intention.” They have nearly reached the forest now, and Cayris has the revelation that it really doesn’t look like that much of a nice time at night. Their coat seems to be accumulating more and more weight.  
The two of them reach the woods and are about to enter when Etta abruptly stops.  
“Someone is here.”  
“Run?”, Cayris asks because it seems like a good idea. Etta raises her arms and sends a surge of flames into the woods, which considering the woods are made out of wood, does not seem like a particularly good idea. Luckily, a second gush of water balances it out again.  
“Show yourself!”, Etta screams.  
“Oh my god, guys, find your freaking chill”, a voice answers from behind the freshly burned bushes.  
“Eric?”  
The trickster appears from the woods looking only mildly scorched. “Was that really necessary?”, he asks Etta. “I have made all the acquaintance with fire I need in this life already.”  
“You.” Etta seems to be not far away from actually flipping him off, which, Cayris thinks, is definitely not normal behaviour for her, and maybe she should be checked on. “Of course we have to run into you.”  
“Maybe we could continue this conversation on the go”, Cayris proposes, since one of them has to be considerate after all.  
“I am not going wherever he is going.”  
“Well, you’re in luck since I’m just going into the woods, so if you take any other direction, you’ll be fine.”  
“This is it.” Cayris grabs both of their arms and leads them into the forest like it’s a daytrip for preschoolers. Etta wiggles free of them after about ten steps, but at least they're all walking in the same direction now.  
“So, how did you do the whole disappearing thing?”, they ask.  
“Oh, that’s a standard trick. Pretty easily done, actually, and the effects are always spectacular.”  
“But how did you do it?”  
“I’m sorry, can’t tell. That would be against the codex.”  
“Oh, come on.” Disdain is dripping out of Etta’s words in such an amount that she rightfully shouldn’t have any of it left for at least two seasons. “It’s not like travelling tricksters have an actual codex. Although if there was one, you could maybe make a law that says that you shouldn’t steal, or disturb important quests.”  
“You guys are on an important quest?”  
“Yes. And you are disturbing it.”  
“Could you maybe stop the bickering?” Cayris feels like they are not even a part of the conversation anymore, and also, having stupid arguments with Etta is their thing. Eric nods approvingly and holds out his hand to Etta.  
“Sweetie, I’m sure we just got off on the wrong foot. Let’s try again.”  
“We will not indeed do that.” Etta nearly runs into his arm, simply because she is so focused on not grabbing his hand.  
“Maybe Eric could help us”, Cayris proposes. “He’s a travelling magician after all.”  
“He’s a trickster! If there’s one thing that’s worse than a Chaotic, it’s one of the people who don’t even have any magic. And then pretend!”  
“I’m sure he could-”  
Etta whirls around and Cayris stops dead in their tracks. When she speaks, her voice is colder than the night air.  
“He will not help us. He will not hang out with us. He will, in fact, leave now.” And then she resumes walking as if nothing has happened.  
“Is your girlfriend always this intense?”  
“She’s not my girlfriend.”  
“Well, she sure is intense.” Eric wiggles his eyebrows in a way that almost makes Cayris laugh, and they do feel a bit better after that.  
“So what are you gonna do now?”  
“This is a free country.” He coughs. “Well, this is a mediocrely democratic-” He coughs again. “Well, this is a country where sometimes people do what they like to do and don’t get sentenced to death for it. So I’ll just tag along for a bit, I guess.”  
That does sound promising, but Cayris is not sure they want to see Etta’s face when she hears about this decision. Then again, do they ever see her face?  
“You don’t have anything else to do?”  
“Honey, I’m not really swamped with work right now. And since I’ve just lost my chicken supply, I can’t even practice my tricks. So really, going on a magical quest seems to be the best thing to do right now.”  
“You’re not invited!”, Etta calls from about twenty feet away.  
Eric smiles. “Ah, what a nice group dynamic we already have.”


	9. campfire stories or the lack thereof

They make camp in the woods that night, and the whole thing turns out to be far less awesome than Cayris has imagined. For one thing, the woods are cold and somehow not as inviting and mysterious as they looked from afar. Secondly, there is a distinct smell of Pepper covering the whole area, and thirdly, Eric and Etta simply can’t seem to stop their stupid bickering.  
“I did not agree to him coming with us”, Etta announces for what feels like the five hundredth time. Cayris is seriously thinking about starting up a counter or something.  
They huddle closer to the miserably small fire that Etta has conjured, and say nothing. Eric has brought out some pre-cooked rice he carries around in plastic bags, but Etta, too busy being angry, has not accepted his offer, and Cayris has resumed eating flowers instead.  
“I’m not coming with you”, Eric explains again. “I simply happen to be taking the same way.”  
Etta turns to Cayris. “Listen, I have been trying to keep my calm until now-”  
“Really, I couldn’t tell”, Eric interjects.  
“-but if your boyfriend threatens to ruin this quest-”  
Eric chokes on a spoon of five minute campfire rice.  
“My boyfriend?” Cayris is outraged. “He is not my boyfriend.”  
There is a moment of silence. “He is not?”  
“I’m gay”, Cayris and Eric say at the same time.  
“You’re gay?”, Etta echoes, for once obviously not as quick of tongue as per use.  
“Well, I’m obviously gay.” Eric laughs. “I have used the word honey ten times in the past twenty minutes. How did you not catch up on that?”  
“He is what we might call flamboyantly gay”, Cayris explains. Etta turns to them.  
“And you are also gay.”  
“Well, I think it’s more of a variant of bisexuality, actually, but I’m using the term gay for now. And either way, I sure don’t have a thing for boys.”  
Eric and Cayris highfive. Etta seems to be at a loss for words.  
“But…”  
“Need a bit of help with the whole queer thing, sister?” Eric seems to be happy to help out.  
“I am very well versed on the matter, actually. I just don’t understand how you two can be such annoying little brats together without being a couple.”  
“Well, one can be an annoying little brat and single.” Eric raises a spoon full of rice as if it was a piece of chalk, and he himself a professor at the Court University. “For instance, I remember some interesting examples portraying this phenomenon, most outstanding a very recent incident in a cat castl-”  
Cayris coughs very loudly and pretends to choke on a flower, and after Eric has punched their back about ten times, and Etta has done nothing besides sitting on the ground, surely raising her eyebrows behind the mask, the topic has been forgotten.  
Etta begrudgingly agrees that Eric can stay with them for a while, under the condition that he doesn’t make any trouble, and accepts a bowl of rice he offers her, noting prickly that someone packed nothing but flowers, entirely inconsiderate of other people’s needs.  
About ten minutes later, Eric is already snoring happily under his coat, and it’s only Cayris and Etta left - and of course, Xarenius, whom Etta pulls out of her robe sleeves the very instant that Eric closes his eyes.  
“You will not tell him why we are travelling”, she says into Cayris’ general direction. Cayris is about to respond something quite explicit, but then bites on their tongue and thinks differently of it.  
“I’ve been thinking”, they start.  
“What a plot twist.”  
“I think we need to start trying to work together, at least. Otherwise we’re never gonna get anywhere.”  
“And why exactly would I need your help? I am better at magic than you, which, to be honest, isn’t that hard. I am better at talking to people than you are. I am better at knowing things that might help us move along.”  
“That’s true”, Cayris agrees, mainly to get a bit more time to structure their argument. “But you’re not the hero.”  
There is a split second of silence. “What?”  
“I’m the hero. You’re obviously the wise old mage.”  
“And what is he, then?” Etta points to the bump on the ground that is Eric.  
“The trusting sidekick. And we even have a comic relief character”, they finish, pointing to Xarenius.  
“So let me get this straight.”  
“Don’t even think about that”, Cayris interjects, but Etta pays them no mind.  
“You are saying that I need you, because following storybook logic, you are gonna solve this mystery and beat the bad guys, even though I am by all means more qualified to do that.”  
“Yes.”  
“And therefore we should be friends.”  
“Yes.”  
There is a longer stretch of silence this time. “Seems fair”, Etta says finally.  
Cayris holds out their hand, and after a moment of consideration, Etta’s spindly fingers unwrap themselves from inside her sleeves, and she clasps Cayris’ hand in both of her own.  
“I promise not to have any ill intent against you, if it isn’t logically come by, listen to your ideas, if they make sense and we are not in a life threatening situation working under a time limit, and trust you, unless I find a good reason not to.”  
“I promise to try to be nicer”, Cayris says, because they don’t think they can repeat all of those words.  
Etta nods solemnly. “And that.”  
“Great. Now that we’re friends, can I ask a question?”  
“Ask and see if I’ll answer.”  
“What is that mask for?”  
Etta pulls down the hood of her robe even further. “We do not talk about that.”  
“It was worth a try.”  
“We do have a problem, though”, Etta says after a while. Cayris, who has not noticed they were staring at her, nearly jumps.  
“Which is?”  
“Well, if this is a storybook and we are the good guys … where are the bad guys?”  
The problem with Etta, Cayris thinks a bit later, while trying to get to sleep, is that sometimes she says things that are better left unsaid.


	10. your average forest stroll (comes with prophecy attached)

When Cayris wakes up in the morning, Etta is already up and about, and is busy nearly dropping a kettle into the fire when Cayris sits up.  
“You alright?”, they ask.  
“Yes.” Cayris gets up fully and looks at the kettle, and the way too much water inside.  
“One thing I’m better at than you: living”, they say, grab the kettle and move to pour at least half of the water out.  
“Wait.” Etta points at Eric. “I’ve been trying to get him up for a while, and it just comes to me that I haven’t tried water yet.” Her voice sounds almost mischievous, and if Cayris isn’t mistaken, the corners of her mouth (or at least what Cayris can see of her mouth) are a little bit more tucked up than usual, although it objectively couldn’t be called a smile.  
“Eric?”, they say. Eric doesn’t even stir.   
“Eric.” They make their way over to the trickster and kick him lightly in the shins.  
“Water it is, then.” Cayris shrugs and empties a bit more water than strictly necessary out over Eric’s head. The action is successful: he gets up with a jump and cries out, hair wet, and not at all that amused.  
“Can you even imagine how much time it took to get that hair on point?”, he asks miserably.  
“You just slept on the ground. You would’ve had to do it anew anyway”, Cayris reproaches, while carefully balancing the kettle to hang from a tree trunk conveniently placed next to the fire.  
“Not with this product. It makes your hair look good for an entire season without needing to be retouched at all.”  
“Cayris could use some of that, then”, Etta proposes, and Cayris shoots her a dirty look, but it’s all good-natured banter today and feels a lot better than yesterday evening.  
While the water is heating, they talk about their plans.  
Eric wants to continue straight ahead and just see where they‘ll end up. Etta reminds him that this is not his quest. She wants to track their way back to the road they left in the haste of not getting caught by murderous cats, and take that to see where it‘ll get them. Cayris does not get a say. They try to be annoyed by that, but since they don‘t have a real plan, either, they can‘t really fault Etta for not listening to them.  
In the end, however, they are the swing vote in an improtu election that is held to decide if the three of them are gonna continue into the forest, or go back to the road. Deciding that the forest sounds way more exciting, and that Etta can suck it, they vote for Eric‘s plan (or lack thereof) and are promptly rewarded with Etta hissing at them, a sound that is equal parts terrifying and freaking hilarious.  
Then the three of them sit down for a nice breakfast of hot water, mixed with oatmeal for Eric and Etta, and freshly picked poison ivy for Cayris.  
“You are gonna ruing all my Autumn planning“, Eric says, although he doesn‘t seem too bothered by it.  
“Spring has barely started“, Cayris reminds him. “You can‘t possibly have enough food in stock to last until Autumn.“  
“Well, I had before you and the food annihalating monster crossed my way. Shouldn‘t you have brought your own food?“  
“I wasn‘t aware that Cayris would only bring flowers, like they are some kind of fairy.“  
“I am not a fairy!“ Cayris is shocked, and has to take an especially big bite out of the posion ivy to recover.  
Etta shrugs, and spoons another mouthful of oatmeal in her mouth. “Fairies are quite nice, actually.“  
“It‘s a good thing you‘ve got me with you“, Eric says into the ensuing awkward silence. “A travelling circus always comes prepared.“  
“You are not part of a travelling circus“, Cayris points out.  
“I am my own one man circus.“  
“Oh well.“  
Eric smirks.  
The three of them (and, not to forget, Xarenius the ferret) make their way through the woods not quite as easily as all the adventure stories of their childhood would have Cayris believe. For once, there is no clear path (yellow-stoned or otherwise) to walk upon, and they have to take “shortcuts” straight through bushes several times because Etta needs to feel in control of something at least, Cayris guesses. Sometimes they have to climb across huge oaks fallen in some thunderstorm, and other times, Cayris recognizes dangerous plants and they have to take yet another way around those spots as well.  
Etta, for one, is quite surprised about the plant thing.  
“I literally eat plants all the time, plus my mum sells baked goods for a living”, Cayris reproaches when Etta asks about it. “I’m kinda bound to pick something up now and then.”  
The better half of the day goes by without them finding anything (or anyone) that might help them, and they are still deep in the woods when Etta proposes to have lunch. Cayris, who has been thinking about nothing but lunch for a greater amount of time than is morally acceptable, agrees at once, and they sit down on the next fallen tree that blocks their way.  
Cayris has hoped to pick some fresh flowers along the way, but to their great dismay found out that most flowers are not yet in bloom. In the village, there is always fresh flowers, since the Users (and the odd Elemental here or there) who take care of the Temple’s gardens have learned to cast wards against the weather.  
Yet nobody has ever cast wards on this forest, and it shows. It’s a wild forest, full of sounds and smells and movement, and Cayris feels strangely at home, yet at the same time completely cut off from their environment. It feels like, they muse, coming home from a very long day and suddenly realizing that your house has been completely redacorated while you were gone.   
Maybe they truly are a bit more fae than is good for a person.   
They are interrupted from these thoughts abruptly, when Eric raises his voice to ask the dreaded question.  
“So what exactly are you guys doing?”  
“We’re on a mission”, Cayris answers vaguely, an effort which is completely destroyed by Etta adding “A secret mission” at once, in a tone of voice that simply cannot be described as polite anymore.  
“Ah.” Eric draws out that one syllable to sheer unbelievable lengths. He waits. Nobody speaks.  
“So you’re not gonna tell me then?”  
“Definitely not.”  
“Oh come on, people! I’ve given you my food. I’ve shared my jokes with you. I’m part of the team!”  
“Maybe we should tell him”, Cayris says. “Maybe he knows how-”  
“We are not gonna tell him.” Etta’s voice is sharp, and she must realize that all their talk about friendship yesterday has gone straight into the both metaphorical and literal bushes today, because she lays a soothing hand on Cayris’ arm. “You know that it’s too dangerous.”  
Cayris thinks that they catch Etta’s drift. Xarenius, after all, cannot defend himself, and the Red Queen, for whatever reason, is already looking for them.  
Yet not telling Eric, who is so clearly trying to belong with them, seems unnecessarily cruel.  
“We’ll tell you as soon as it’s not dangerous anymore”, Cayris promises.  
“I guess I can live with that. As long as you promise that it’s not anything evil you’re doing.”  
“That depends on the definition of evil.”  
“Etta!”  
Etta seems to be enjoying herself greatly, at least until Cayris gives her a shove that pushes her off the tree trunk. She falls, arms flailing almost comically, and as her mask rides up for a second, Cayris gets a look at-  
Etta manages to catch herself mid-air, and slides elegantly to her feet, while almost nonchalantly straightening out her robe. Cayris stares at her, and then quickly stops when Etta turns to them and cocks her head. She looks almost curious.  
I did not see whatever is under that mask, Cayris says out loud in their mind, just for the slim chance that Etta can actually read their thoughts or something. Nope. Totally clueless. Haven’t got the faintest idea.  
“Are we ready to go again, then?” Eric is either completely oblivious to what just happened or very good at pretending.  
“Sure”, says Cayris, who is less well versed in being an actor, a tad too fast and a tad too loud, and about three tads too cheerful. Yet Etta does not ask them if they have seen - which they haven’t, not really - but simply turns away and picks up Xarenius who has been sleeping on a tree trunk.  
Before Eric has a chance to ask why exactly she is bringing her pet ferret on this mission, Etta has already hidden the mage in her long sleeves again, steps over the tree and continues on her way without waiting for Eric and Cayris to follow.  
“You look shook”, Eric comments in a whisper while he quickly wraps the sad remainder of his rice in a quite dirty looking handkerchief.   
“I am shook”, Cayris replies simply, and then jumps over the tree trunk themselves, lands on a wet spot of grass. They slither and nearly fall, but gather up their skirts and their dignity and continue on their way. They are not ready to talk about what they saw, and even though they have already developed quite a fondness for Eric, he knows nothing about Etta or why they are really here, and cannot be trusted to discuss such things with.  
Cayris realizes then and there that they themselves know nothing about Etta. It isn’t only the weird thing with the mask and the emo robes and whatever Etta is covering with them, but it’s like Etta is hiding a whole person inside, and Cayris isn’t even sure if they have ever met her.  
“Why are you wearing skirts, by the way?”, Eric asks while crossing over the trunk himself. It seems that everyone in this party has the gift of gracefully jumping over things bestowed upon them. Everyone but Cayris, of course.  
“Are you saying that I as an enby shouldn’t wear skirts?” They get ready to punch him in the stomach, just in case.  
“No, I’m commenting on the fact that we are currently on a dangerous and secretive mission, in a cold forest; and furthermore the number of your skirts is more than I deemed necessary.”  
“And who deems necessary how many skirts are, in fact needed?“, Cayris inquires.  
“Well, the general consensus seems to be that you need to wear but one skirt, actually.“  
“One skirt?“ Cayris shudders. “That sounds truly horrible, and I wish you had not told me about it.“  
“I beg your pardon.“  
“You do not get it. One skirt!“ Cayris pats down on their skirts to assure them that something as horrible as that is never gonna happen to them.  
“And why exactly, if not the number of skirts, are you wearing skirts at all?“  
“I like wearing skirts. They leave room for your legs, which is important since your legs might decide to suddenly grow, and where would they go if there wasn‘t any space?“  
There is a moment of silence. “I do not think I agree with that logic.“  
“It is a good logic nevertheless.“  
“Most definitely.“  
Talking, they catch up to Etta, who is trudging along looking more weary than she was before. Her shoulders need to find a freaking chill, Cayris thinks when they see her tense up even more upon their arrival.  
But all Etta says is “there you are“, and then they continue on their way.  
Nothing interesting happens, despite various attempts of Eric‘s to make the whole being on the road thing (“We aren‘t on a road“, Cayris interjects. “It‘s barely even a path.“) a bit more fun. They include: singing, strumming a hideously small guitar he has somehow pulled out of his coat, naming trees, guessing the age of trees, throwing rocks at trees, singing songs about trees, and even more singing.  
That would be, of course, entirely acceptable if Eric‘s voice sounded a bit less like the dying breath of a very old, very sick crow. Cayris joins in on the refrain if they know the song (like Where Would You Go When You Wouldn‘t Go Where, Springly Springs The Season‘s Start, I Have A Hat And A Glove, But No Pocketwatch, and - their personal favourite - The Mad Hatter Makes Mad Hats (Mad Hats Makes The Mad Hatter)), and that makes the singing slightly more endurable, since they don‘t hear Eric quite as loudly. Etta, for her part, has apparently decided to be gloomy and silent today (today?), and plays that role quite well.  
At least, she is silent until they unearth a talking mushroom.  
The three of them are just kind of tagging along, not minding their way as much anymore as long as they are going somewhere (which is, of course, the best way of getting anywhere), and at least two of them are having right a good time while going into the third capo of These Days Of Slumber, when suddenly, the forest speaks.  
“And what exactly are you supposed to be?“  
Eric shrieks and prepares to strike anyone who dares approach them with his ukulele. Etta‘s hands are out of her robes faster than you can count to… anything, really, and she is doing this thing where she stands completely still, but seems to know where the enemy is either way.  
Cayris, for their part, has already found the enemy, but it less prepared than both of their colleguages. Craning their neck, trying to understand what they are seeing, Cayris for the first time that they can remember meets a new species, which makes their list of currently known species go up to five.  
This one, however, is quite different. Cayris sees a long, long body, something that looks like a pipe, another thing that is definitely a pipe (or on fire, since it‘s currently smoking), and all in all more than they need to see to determine they don‘t like the creature's appearance.  
“What?“, they say.  
“That was my question.“ The giant worm leans down, its head brushing against the leaves around them. “What are you?“ When nobody answers, he continues: “Normally I‘d ask who you are, but I‘m not entirely sure you know yourself, and even if you thought you did, how would I know that it‘s the truth?“  
“I‘m Cayris“, Cayris replies, mentally swatting the last line away quickly in order to not get a headache.  
“As I thought. You are completely wrong.“  
“I am not!“  
The creature sighs. “And what are you?“  
“I‘m on a mission, and you are in our way. So who are you?“  
“I‘m Absolem, of course. Haven‘t you heard of me?“  
“Why would we have heard of the thing?“, Eric wants to know in a whisper that does not escape Absolem‘s ears.  
“Well, why indeed. I‘m only the greatest fortune teller this side of the Court. Actually both sides of the Court, if I think about it, since the seer on the other side has died years and years ago.“  
“A seer? What was her name?“  
“She is dead, child. And she never figured out quite who she was, so I can‘t really tell you her name. It was pretty much of an A, and a nice portion of L, and even quite a good amount of I, but the C was always critical, and the E was far from okay.“  
Eric begins to cough with an alarming severity.  
“Are you alright?“  
“Sure. What the hell is that guy smoking, though?“  
Absolem looks down on them (literally and figuratively) and blows some smoke right into their faces for good measure. Now all three of them are coughing.  
“So, what have you come to ask me?“  
“Err… We‘re just kind of on our way through the area. Actually, we‘re not here to ask you anything at all. Hell, this is awkward, isn‘t it? I should really stop talking.“ Cayris shuts up.  
“What would you want us to ask you?“, Etta asks quickly.  
“Well, that is a question, and a good one too, if I do say so myself.“ Absolem puffs out more smoke, which Cayris is now convinced, he is just doing for the aesthetic, and of course, to annoy visitors.  
“You don‘t happen to have any problems you need help with? An evil prophecy, something like that?“ He seems to be very happy to lend a hand, and Cayris suspects that he does not get visitors that often.  
“Well, actually“, they start up, but are interrupted by Etta.  
“Why don‘t you and Eric go somewhere else for a while?“, she asks sweetly.  
“Come on, just bloody tell me what your big secret is“, Eric says from behind. “Honey“, he adds quickly, when Absolem mouths something at him that sounds like “Language, you utter fool, or I will hold you and only you responsible for denying this sacred place of my being the certain authority it deserves, and you burn in a pit of flame for all eternity for it“ - Cayris might be wrong on the last part though, they are not that good at reading lips.  
“I am not gonna tell you. Just go ahead with Cayris and… I don‘t know, sing another song or something.“ Cayris and Absolem talk at the same time.  
“I‘d rather prefer it to talk to them, if you don‘t mind.“  
“Actually, you should go ahead“, Cayris says, only to look at Absolem in shock. “What?“  
Eric laughs. Etta - or what little part of her Cayris can actually see - looks furious.  
“This is really not a time for complications“, she starts up, but Absolem who Cayris comes to like more and more, interrupts her.  
“Exactly. It is very clear to me that this completely unattentive, way too thin and probably not even talented enby over there is the hero of the story.“  
“Why?“  
“Because they all are like that. You, my dear, have both too much intelligence and too much anxiety to be a hero, and he …“ Absolem trails of looking at Eric, who is currently trying to untangle himself from his ukulele strap. “Let‘s not even get started on him.“ He clears his throat, which sends Cayris into a mental crisis trying to understand how exactly a creature of his appearance can have a throat to clear.  
“I‘d very much appreciate it if I could just talk to your hero alone, and we‘ll all be done here soon.“  
“Do not even think about blowing this“, Etta tells Cayris.  
“His pipe? I don‘t even smoke!“  
“The mission“, Eric, still trapped in his instrument, helpfully supplies. “She is trying to say you shouldn‘t fuck up your very important mission which I still know nothing about, and yes, I am absolutely disheartened that you guys don‘t trust me. What is it? The hair?“  
“It‘s your nose“, Etta says, grabbing his arm. “It looks stupid, especially in combination with your stupid face. Now let‘s go so that the almighty flubberworm can tell Cayris what we need to do.“  
And with that, she drags him off into the forest. Cayris watches them disappear between the woods, not completely sure how they should be feeling.  
They turn to Absolem and cough. “You were saying?“  
Absolem is looking straight at Cayris again, and his eyes are too serious for their liking by quite a bit.  
“You are quite an unlikely hero, do you know that?“  
“I‘ve been told so. Mainly by myself.“  
“You need to be careful of the female one.“  
“Etta? What a great tip.“  
Absolem shakes his head, seemingly lost deep in thought. “No, you do not understand. She will try to make this adventure her own, and by doing so, she might ruin everything. She has too many shadows to step into the light.“  
Cayris grabs their heart. “That was deeply poetic, I feel so well-read and cool right now, thank you for that.“  
“Do not make fun of my warning. Heed it or leave it be, but have the common courtesy to at least pretend you believe me.“  
The voice is so stern that Cayris simply nods in return.  
“So how exactly is this gonna go?“, they ask after an appropiate amount of silence has passed. “Am I gonna get a prophecy or something?“  
“A prophecy.“ Absolem cringes visibly. “Why do you kids always want prophecies these days? What happened to the good old times when you could shout out ominous warnings, smoke some, and then be done with the whole business.“  
“Yeah well, the thing about the past is that is has already passed. You shouldn‘t lose track of time like that.“  
“Do not dare to accuse me of losing track of time“, Absolem reproaches, looking scornful. “It only happened once or twice, and will never happen again. And all in all, with the mess that you‘re in, I would not speak about time at all.“  
“I will not speak about time“, Cayris vows, because it seems like that is gonna be the gist of all the wisdom they are gonna get here tonight. Yet their oath makes Absolem light up, and suddenly very interested, he asks them to tell him about their problem. They do so, too, and afterwards he nibbles on his pipe for a little while, and thinks.  
“It is decided then”, he says finally. “I, the great Absolem, shall assist you, Kaito, with your problem.”  
“It’s Cayris, actually.”  
“It’s nice of you to say that.”  
“No, I meant-”  
“And I shall give you a prophecy to help you find the right way.”  
“What? Now you’re giving me a prophecy after all?”  
“You wanted one, didn’t you? So stop complaining, and better get out a pencil, because I sure as hell won’t recite all of this bullshit more than once.”  
“Is it like a real prophecy?”  
“Well, it’s true. Hopefully.”  
“But I mean, is it pretentious and dark and nobody understands it, and then, in the end, we have this huge moment where suddenly the prophecy makes sense, and everything turns out good?”  
Cayris grabs a pen and a piece of parchment out of their coat, because people with fancy ass big coats always come prepared for every eventuality.  
“Well.” Absolem thinks about their question for a while as well. “It might be one of those, but you’ll have to make all things end good yourself. I can only do so much.”  
“Oh.” Cayris tries not to sound too disappointed.  
“Yes. Now beware.and listen to the thirty first prophecy of Absolem the Wise, First and Foremost of his name, on this day of Spring in the Twentieth Season that marks the rule of the Red Queen.”  
Cayris raises their eyes from the paper. “Do I need to write that part down?”  
“Absolutely”, Absolem says, so they write it down. He waits for a bit.   
“Are you done yet?”  
“Nearly.”  
“Then I shall continue.” And he speaks his prophecy:  
 _“Between all these worlds with their stories and whispers,_  
Lies the answer to a secret that might have been missed  
If not three young people of quite low abode  
Had come to the wisest of many wise worm’,   
And if they do have quite a fight with the whiskers,   
They need only follow the will-o’-wisp,   
And not on destiny that long they bode,   
They might not be right, but they sure will be firm

_In fulfilling what they take to be their whole mission,_  
They might indeed see that they’re only beginning,   
And a ferret stays a ferret for year after year,   
If not for a shortcut through their forest friends;  
The second is firstmost in fear and ambition,   
The third one is firstmost at tricksing and grinning,   
The first one is nothing, until you appear,   
But that is just right when the whole story ends. 

_And yet they might find that if they turn the page,  
Stuff is gonna happen.” ___

__Cayris lowers their pen and stares at him expectantly, yet nothing more comes. They sigh.  
“Stuff is gonna happen? That is one horrible ending!”_ _


	11. a dramatic reveal

“And that was all he said?”  
“I already told you, he was enraged that I made a comment about the prophecy, and then he poked his pipe at me and told me to get off his lawn, which quite frankly didn’t even make sense since we’re currently in the middle of a bloody forest-”  
They nearly stumble over a tree trunk and cut themselves off. Their audience, being quite caught up in moving through the forest themselves, pays them no attention either way.  
“Okay.” Etta, who, upon returning has immediately confiscated Cayris' notes, is now looking at the piece of parchment in her hand, obviously trying to decide if it makes any sense. Cayris isn't sure either.  
“Let’s just go through it one by one”, Eric suggests. He makes a grab for the paper, but Etta keeps it well out of his reach, and when Cayris moves to take a look at it themselves, they realize that Etta has written over it, not in normal letters, but instead in what seems to be weird movements and lines and dots that somehow are above the paper and not imprinted upon it.  
“What is that?”, they ask. Etta ignores them, and moves her finger over the first line.  
“Between all these worlds .. “ She stops. “See, what is that supposed to mean, already? Is there more worlds than this one. Are we between the worlds? Is this a world at all?”  
“Woah, take it easy on the existential despair, okay, buddy?”, Eric says.  
“But I want to understand! How can there be many worlds?”  
“Well, that is really quite easy”, says a voice from the ground.  
“What?” They look down and find themselves in the company of a rabbit. It is wearing what seems to be a very, very colourful vest made up of blue and red and beige and more blue and darker blue and then some creme blue fabrics, and in that vest, it has a pocket watch, which it is currently busy getting out of said vest and looking at pointedly.  
“You’re late”, it says by way of introduction, and then it moves behind a tree.  
Eric and Cayris share a look full of raised eyebrows and “pocket watches? Really?”. But then they duck behind the tree anyway, where they find the rabbit waiting.  
“Who are you?”, Etta asks at once.  
“I am the rabbit, of course! Surely, you’ve been out here looking for me!”  
“Well, actually”, Cayris starts up, but Etta interrupts.  
“The forest friends! Truly!”  
They all lean in as she recites the corresponding line of the prophecy yet again:  
“If not for a shortcut through their forest friends.”  
“So you are the forest friend?”, Eric wants to know.  
“I might indeed be the forest friend.” The rabbit looks around, as if to make sure they are not being watched, and then hastily adds: “But I am of course not the friend of outlaws. I would never dare. I live my life in justice.”  
“Really. Well, we are also living our life in justice, so I think we might all be getting along pretty well.”  
“Oh, you have not heard yet?” The rabbit seems to grow even smaller.  
“What?” Etta’s voice is sharp.  
“Dinah the Cat has sent her fastest cats to the Red Queen’s Court. She expects reimbursement for a trick that was played on her by a chicken thief and his accomplices.”  
“We are not his accomplices!”  
“And then I also happen to know that you carry a magician named Xarenius in your pocket, good girl, and even though both of you specifically know about the ruling that is to be held as soon as possible, I don’t see you hurrying off in the direction of the court. Even worse, you don’t even have a ruler on your person!”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Etta’s voice is surprisingly cold.  
“But you know… oh you do know. You might not remember me, but I remember you well, Carolyn. And I for one did know where you ended up after… after-”  
“After what?”, Cayris asks.  
“It makes no matter.” Etta’s voice is hard as steel.  
“But what about-”  
“I said it makes no matter! Now, does anyone else have anything stupid to say, or can we move on, with this conversation, and our lives in general?”  
“Well, actually…” Eric raises his hand. “I do have a question.” He takes a deep breath. “Carolyn?”  
“What about it?”  
“You are actually named Carolyn?”  
“There’s nothing wrong with that name”, Cayris says.  
“That is the freaking funniest-”  
“Eric.”  
Eric cuts himself off in a fit of abrupt laughter. While he doubles down, choking and wheezing and muttering Carolyn under his breath, the two reasonable parts of their party turn back to the rabbit.  
“So I take it you have like secret information for us or something?”, Cayris wants to know.  
“Well, actually-”  
“Is it in a folder? An orange folder that says top secret on the front cover?”  
“I’m afraid there are no folders involved.”  
“What a drag.”  
“There is no drag involved either.”  
“Now”, Eric says, slowly getting to his feet again, “if there’s no orange folders or drag queens, then you already know the party is gonna suck.”  
“There is no party!”, Etta screams, and everyone else falls silent and looks at her. She is breathing heavily, and looks like she is either gonna kill everyone in a ten mile radius, or (even worse) suddenly break down crying. Cayris pats Etta on the back woodenly.  
“I’m sorry. I do take this situation serious.”  
“I want to know what exactly you have to tell us, right now.” Etta’s voice is raw. “And I don’t want any funny comments or banter or jazz hands to go with it. Or any more mentions of the name Carolyn.”  
The rabbit, which has shrunken down so much it is nothing more but a white (and blue and red and beige and way more blue) blob on the ground gets to its hind legs again, looks at the pocket watch for another time, and finally says: “I am here to tell you what you need to know to fulfill the prophecy.”  
“Shouldn’t the prophecy have already told us tha-”, Cayris starts up, but Etta grabs their hand, hard, and they decide that it is really not the right time to split hairs right now.  
“There is, in fact, more than one world. And as it seems - although nobody is truly sure about this - you will have to travel between worlds to fulfill your quest.”  
“But… but how can we do that?”, Etta asks. Cayris, meanwhile, is considering other matters entirely.  
“You mean, this quest is gonna be longer than one world? Awesome! I love series!”  
“But I don’t have enough clothes on me to last that long”, Eric interjects.  
“You could wash them.”  
“And wear them again? Oh honey, I can’t cramp my style that much, or I’m gonna have to go and live in the woods. I beg your pardon, Mr. Rabbit.”  
“You do not get my pardon.” The rabbit looks on its pocket watch again, then it sighs and says: “Well, I guess this is everything, then. These quests sure are getting less and less fulfilling, aren’t they.” And with that, it turns around and makes to go.  
“Wait!” Etta nearly makes a grab for it, and Cayris barely manages to catch her arm.  
“You can’t just leave us like that! Surely you know how to get into these other worlds?”  
“Obviously I do. It’s very simple.” The rabbit looks left and right and up, and then left again. “But I really, really can’t tell you. My official position as prophecy advisor does give me the right to tell you about the other worlds, but I can’t help you moving worlds without the official okay of the Red Queen. And I’m pretty sure you don’t have that.”  
“Of course we do”, Cayris improvises. Etta is so caught on the wrong foot that she stops struggling against their arms.  
“Really?” The rabbit turns around again, and gets a pair of silver lined glasses from somewhere in his waistcoat. “Well, that seems to be okay, then.”  
Cayris is a freaking genius, and anyone who says otherwise needs to be told of this moment.  
“I’ll just need to see the admission slip for myself, and straight after we’ve got the paperwork out of the way, I’ll show you how to jump between worlds.” The rabbit points down to his hind legs.  
Cayris decides that they aren’t a genius after all.  
“Well, actually .. “  
“What’s the matter? Surely if you’ve already been at the Court, without my knowledge which is highly unlikely since I happen to be at the Court most of the time, and if you’ve already asked for an admission slip to jump between worlds, which I cannot imagine why you might have done that since you didn’t even know about other worlds since a minute ago, and if after all of that, the Red Queen would’ve decided to grant you said admission, which is so utterly illogical that I cannot even put it into words… if all of that would’ve actually happened, surely you would’ve kept the Very Important Paper that was bestowed upon you?”  
“Of course we would have… we have, I meant to say … it is right here, somewhere in my coat, just give me some time and I’ll try to find-”  
“I can’t give you time, stupid enby.” The rabbit’s voice is suddenly way more hushed, and it turns back to Etta, almost as if Cayris doesn’t exist at all.  
“You have made a grave mistake in leaving your village, child. The Court is a dangerous place on the best days, but now I hear that the Red Queen might be keeping worrying company. It is rumours only, whispers still … but I have learned to take whispers seriously before they turn into shouts.”  
Etta lets go of Cayris arms quite suddenly, and instead grabs the rabbit, lifting it up in the air almost half a metre and holding it out in front of her face like a washcloth.  
“You don’t mean … “  
“I fear I do, Caro-” The rabbit stops itself and coughs hastily. “That is the reason she has been looking for Xarenius, of course. They hope to find you.”  
Etta drops the rabbit so suddenly that is squeaks. Cayris catches is and deposits it safely on the ground. The rabbit pats their hand in thanks and then rearranges its waistcoat.  
“Did you tell them where I am?”, she inquires.  
“I would never.” The rabbit seems to be actually outraged at the thought. “But it was not a very well kept mystery from the get-go, child, and people talk. People at Court happen to talk thrice as much as everyone else, too.”  
“Is everything alright?”, Cayris asks.  
“No, it’s not. And it’s all your fault again, so congratulations.”  
Etta turns back to the rabbit. “I need to go to the Court. Xarenius can hardly stay a ferret.”  
“He will not thank you if you do that! Think before you act.”  
“I tell her that all the time as well.” Etta doesn’t even try to hit Cayris, and that is when they know that something is seriously wrong.  
“But what else can we do?”, Eric asks, who seems to be entirely unsure of where this conversation is going as well, but at least tries to join in.  
“We can do nothing.” The rabbit sighs. “I am truly sorry about not being able to help, but you do need to admission slip. That’s how formalities work in this land.”  
“That is underworldly!”, Cayris complains.  
There is an uncomfortable silence.  
“I really wish you wouldn’t have said that”, the rabbit says finally, and then turns. “I need to go. I cannot be seen with you, or the Red Queen will invite me to a Ruling, and then I will be legally bound to tell her everything I know about you.”  
“You wouldn’t lie for us in front of the law?”, Eric inquires.  
“What I’m saying is, I will be legally bound.”  
“These two have never been to Court before”, Etta explains matter of factly, as if she herself had been to court a dozen times already, and maybe she indeed has, and it irks Cayris that they know so little about her.  
“What the rabbit means when it says it’ll be legally bound is that it’ll literally be bound. To a truth chair, as it happens.”  
“Do I want to know what a truth chair is?”  
“I know”, Eric responds when Etta doesn’t answer right away, “and you really, really don’t.”  
“And with these wise words, I shall leave you.” The rabbit shakes Etta’s hand, nods into Cayris direction, ignores Eric completely, and is gone before either one of them can say another word.  
“Well.” Eric turns to Etta. “I think it is time you tell us what exactly is going on here, don’t you think?”  
“I actually don’t”, she replies, and then continues on with her way through the forest, almost as if they haven’t just been stopped by a paranoid rabbit that seems to be about five minutes away from wearing a tin foil hat - in matching colours with his waist coat, of course.  
Eric and Cayris share a look.  
“You were the one who said that we should all try to appreciate each other more”, Cayris calls after her,  
“I said that you and I should try to get along better. Not a single word, nor thought, was lost upon the speaking monstrosity to your left.”  
“Etta.” Cayris makes a few fast steps, catches up to Etta, grabs her sleeve and whisks her around. Etta tumbles, and has to cling on to their arm for balance.  
“I completely understand that you have a dark, mysterious past and you don’t want to talk about it right now, so let’s not talk about it.”  
“Great.”  
“What we do need to talk about, though, is anything that conflicts with our mission. Etta, you are keeping information from us-”  
“I’m keeping information from you, you mean. The sentient monkey has no right to it anyway.”  
“-that might actually make or break the deal here! You have told us nothing about the Court, even though we are trying to go there right now, and neither have you mentioned all of that backstory you have with all these characters popping up.”  
“All these characters? The rabbit is but one single person, and if we’re being petty, more like one third of a person, really.”  
“I am talking about the Red Queen, whom you obviously know, as well as the mysterious other party the rabbit talked about, you seem to be quite familiar with that as well, and to be honest, I’m not even sure you didn’t know Absolem beforehand! How are we supposed to trust you when you treat us like a bunch of first graders on an epic fantasy adventure? I am the main character of this story-”  
“Someone here is pretty confident, honey”, Eric interjects.  
“-and you are supposed to talk to the main character, not just have everything kind of happen and let’s see where that gets us. I am sick of it, sick, do you hear me?!”  
Silence settles onto them like a coat. It’s not a comfortable coat, scratchy and old and full of lice.  
“And that was that”, Eric says finally, in what has to be the most awkward tone of voice ever.  
“Oh you know what, I am done with all of this! I’m gonna fulfill this quest on my own.” And Cayris stomps off into the woods, for about ten steps, before someone catches their arm. They turn around, expecting to see Eric, but he is still standing quite a way behind, watching carefully as events transpire.  
“Listen.” Etta’s voice sounds actually emotional, and Cayris is not sure how to handle that.  
“I am listening.”  
“I’m sorry, okay? I’ve got this whole tragic backstory, and it makes me angry sometimes, and I can’t tell people about it.”  
“You could tell us about it, you simply don’t want to.” Cayris didn't mean to sound accusing, but does anyway.  
“No, I can’t. You wouldn’t be able to understand.”  
“Try.”  
Etta turns her head as if to look at Cayris, only that Cayris still can’t see her eyes. Then, very slowly, she raises her arms, and the ground comes to life around them.  
It isn’t all that scary if you’re prepared for it. Cayris is not prepared, and makes a high pitched noise that surely ruins the mood of the whole scene.  
The earth forms a cocoon around them, effectively cutting them out of Eric’s and anyone else’s view. Then Etta does something curious: she reaches up and pushes the hood of her robe back. The black mask underneath it shines in the midday light, and Etta reaches up, arms heavy with robe, and begins to untie it.  
“You don’t have to do that”, Cayris says hastily.  
“And yet I am gonna do it, and afterwards you’re gonna shut up.”  
She makes to take off the mask, but her fingers falter. Cayris waits for her to regain her composure, but she doesn’t, and so Cayris reaches up and lays their fingers on Etta’s. Etta nods absent-mindedly, and then she takes a deep breath and pulls off the mask.  
Cayris is not sure where to look first.  
Etta’s eyes are by far the worst part. There are no eyes anymore, and with a sudden shudder, Cayris realizes that this is what looked off about the mask: there were no slits for the eyes, since clearly, Etta doesn’t need them. Yet all the way behind the scarring tissue covering her eyes, there seems to be a faint glimmer of something - magic - that unsettles Cayris even more than if there had just been nothing.  
Her face, as if to compete with the eyes for most gruesome detail, is covered in something that looks like runes - not tattooed like thieves wear them, or magically spelled on the skin like you’d do with the name of a lover, but burned into her skin with a flamethrower. The scarring is tamer here, but existent all the same.  
“What happened?”, Cayris asks finally, because it's the only thing they can think of.  
Etta takes a deep breath as if to steel herself.  
“I don’t know.”


	12. turtles

“How can you not know?”  
Etta shrugs. “It’s complicated.”  
“I consider myself intellectual enough to understand even complicated things.”  
“I’m also intellectual”, Eric’s voice informs them from outside the earthern globe. “So, I don’t know, if you want me to come in, I could probably-”  
“Eric, just give us a minute here”, Cayris says, but it’s already too late - Etta disperses the earth around them, and is somehow already wearing both her mask and her robe hood again before it falls to the ground.  
Eric, who is standing right on the other side, and does now have a bit more dirt in the face than before, looks at them with raised eyebrows.  
“So, you guys kissed or what happened?”  
“We did not kiss.” Etta sounds almost outraged.  
“Indeed.” Cayris tries to sounds equally outraged.  
“Well, what did you do, then?”  
“Something private, which you are not a part of.”  
“Oh, don’t worry, honey, I’m as gay as they come, and as much as I like the two of you, I wouldn’t want to be a part of that.”  
There is a bit of silence.  
“Why is this important again?”, Etta asks.  
“Just ignore him.” Cayris tries to decide which way to go from here on, both literal and figuratively.  
“Woah, since when are you on her side?”  
“I’m not.”  
“Yes, you are.”  
“I would like to exit this conversation now, if possible.”  
“It most certainly is not possible-”  
“Guys”, Etta interrupts. “We need a plan, and we need it fast.”  
“Are you waiting for our suggestions?”  
“Well, if you have any. You might wanna get them out today, though.”  
“But… you never ask for our ideas.”  
“Well, I am asking now, but since it seems that none of you do have any good ideas, or ideas at all, for that matter, I’ll just have to plan all by myself again.”  
“And Etta is back.”  
“I do not catch your meaning“, she says, and Cayris can just imagine her eyebrows quirking up with that, only that Etta does not have eyebrows.  
“Well, to translate what Eric said into Etta-speak, it seemed like you were having a total character change, and now he is both delighted and annoyed that you are back to being your normal self.“  
“Quite“, says Eric, who does still have eyebrows, and raises them as well.  
“Okay, let‘s brainstorm.“ Etta searches the way, finds it, retrieves it, and continues onwards with it, Cayris and Eric trudging along. Eric is clearly still curious about the whole “What‘s with her face“ situation, which Cayris gathers from him asking them that question thrice before shutting up.  
“We need to go to court and get a permission slip“, Etta says. “That does seem to be the only way.“  
“Not necessarily. We might be able to bully the rabbit into helping us without a slip“, Eric argues at once.  
Etta shakes her head. “The rabbit is not allowed to leave us through, and even if it wanted to, it couldn‘t. It may only open the holes with a permission slip.“  
“How do you know that? It might‘ve been lying.“  
“I know the rabbit, and it wasn‘t lying.“  
“Ha!“ Cayris makes a grab for Etta‘s arm and misses. “But you just told us a minute ago that you don‘t remember what happened to you.“  
“Did you now?“, Eric inquires.  
“I told the both of you no such thing. I might‘ve mentioned it to one singular person, who would be well advised to keep quiet about it.“  
Cayris closes their mouth and does keep quiet about it.  
“And either way, that was not the entire truth. I remember figments, like dreams and pieces of long forgotten memories. I don‘t really remember much about the rabbit itself, but I did know about the holes. I just didn‘t think we‘d find the answer in another world.“  
“But it does make sense“, Cayris says at once. “The prophecy stated that we will find help through our forest friends. And the line ‚a ferret stays a ferret for many a year, if not for the help‘ and so on kind of sounds to me like we might find another way to transform Xarenius in this world, but it would take longer.“  
Eric stops dead in his tracks. “That is what we‘re doing here?!“  
Etta sighs. “Of course, Cayris. Congratulations, you are by far the most stupid specimen.“  
“He was gonna find out anyway.“  
“How long exactly is many a year?“, Eric asks.  
“Wait, you‘re not gonna ask about how he became a ferret in the first place?“  
“That sounds like a private thing, and I really don‘t want to know. It has this vibe of something went wrong during kinky sex to it.“  
“There was no kinky sex involved“, Cayris states for future reference. “And thank you for that mental image.“  
“You‘re welcome. So, how long is many a year?“  
“I‘m not sure.“ Cayris bites on their lips. “But I‘m guessing too long to at least consider it.“  
“You‘re right“, Etta agrees at once. “We cannot wait.“  
“Okay, I totally get that it sucks for the guy to be a ferret and everything, but let‘s think this through“, Eric interjects. “If we find a different way than literally ripping a hole in the time-space-continuum-“  
“What is the time-space-continuum?“ It sounds to Cayris like a fancy foodstuff. Etta ignores them.  
“The hole already exists, so it doesn‘t count anyway.“  
“If we find a different way“, Eric repeats, “it might take longer, but it‘ll surely lead to success, and be safer for everyone. I get that you guys wanna go for the fast option, but should we really take that risk?“  
“I normally wouldn‘t, either“, Etta admits, shoulders slumping slightly. “But… there is something else that I should maybe tell you.“  
“Oh, please, go ahead.“  
“The person that the rabbit talked about…. that‘s really serious business. I‘m afraid I cannot wait any longer than necessary to transform Xarenius back, or he and I will both be in grave danger.“  
“Danger of what kind?“ Cayris raises their fists, ready to fight off any sudden attackers that don‘t surpass the size of a weasel, or maybe even a very thin cat.  
“Very dangerous danger. Magical danger.“  
“Chaotic magical.“ Suddenly, the pieces seem to fall into place.  
Etta sighs. “Exactly, although that is not the worst part of it.“  
“Well, what is the worst part, then?“  
“I can‘t tell, I‘m sorry. You wouldn‘t want to hear about it anyway, believe me.“  
“And does this something have anything to do with the fact that you can‘t remember your life?“, Eric wants to know.  
“It has everything to do with it. But as I said, the only thing you need to to know is that we need to take the fast option if we want to have any hope at suceeding at all. Also, and that might be my paranoia speaking-“  
“Paranoia“, Cayris interrupts. “Surely a logical, sane-minded person like you wouldn‘t have any paranoia.“  
“-But it might be a good thing if Xarenius and I get out of here for a while, anyway. Another world would be perfect.“  
“But the danger, can‘t it follow us there?“  
Etta seems to think about this for a while, but then decidedly shakes her head.  
“I am pretty sure h- it won‘t be able to. It is drawn to the magics of our world in a way that even normal chaotics aren‘t, and it has existed for so long that it has become a part of the world itself. It cannot step outside of its own self. At least that is what I believe.“  
“So, let me summarzie this.“ Eric catches up to them, wheezing. He takes another breath, and then says, in a voice that almost sounds delighted at their bad odds: “We do not have any idea how to get the permission slip, but because you are being hunted by a dangerous power, we will need to go where said mysterious power is currently residing, and we will have to acquire a document we have no hope of getting, and then we will try to escape the place that the aforementioned power is currently at, and leave not only the country, but the whole freaking world behind us on pursuit of a magical secret we don‘t know we will find the solution to in another world, and oh, did I mention the part where we literally rip a hole in the world-“  
“The hole is already there!“  
“-and go to a different world, like it‘s a sunday potlock in the park?“  
“You don‘t have to go“, Etta says. Her voice isn‘t as cold as it would‘ve been saying the same sentence yesterday, and somehow that does warm Cayris‘ heart a little bit.  
“Oh yes, I do. Someone needs to keep you two lovebirds in order, after all.“  
“We are not in love.“  
“And very much in order.“  
“Anyway. It is clear to me that I‘ll need to go. After all, the heroic quest is always undergone by a trio.“  
“We already are a trio“, Cayris can‘t help to point out, even though they would very much like to have Eric on board. “We have Xarenius.“  
“Pets don‘t count.“  
“He is not a pet“, Etta starts up, but all of them are interrupted by a voice that emerges from near the ground.  
“It is really not nice to call all animals pets simply because they aren‘t humans, boy.“  
“It is really not nice to call me boy simply because I look like a-“ And then Eric looks down to who has spoken and shrieks.  
It is a turtle, or moreso, what is left of a turtle.  
She seems to be about to die of old age alone, but there is also a literal hole gnawed into her shield, like someone tried to take a bit out of her and then decided that they weren‘t in the mood for turtle that day.  
The turtle does not seem to mind the disfiguration, but simply wobbles along on her three still functioning legs, the fourth one, which is limping slightly because of a huge part of the claw missing, points into the air like a flag pole, and there is a literal flag hanging from its paw.  
Etta, Cayris and Eric stare at the turtle in amazement, and even Xarenius deems the moment worthy to make an appearance, or moreso, he slips out of Etta‘s sleeve. Cayri hastily bends down and picks ip the ferret.  
“We are very sorry for what the boy said“, Etta says at once. “He is young and does not know better.“  
Those seem to be the right words, the turtle manages a small smile, which shows that even her teeth a misconfigured somehow, like someone tried to rip them out once, but did not succeed.  
“Oh, that is quite allright. Young children never know what to say and what not to say.“  
“I am not a young child.“  
“Oh, but you are. You all are to me, since, after all …“ She leanes closer. “You might not have noticed this about me, but I am quite old.“  
They stare at the turtle for a split second too long, and then all break out into a chorus of “Really“s and “I had no idea“s and “You sure don‘t look like it!“s.  
The turtle sighs. “Bless your hearts. I am aware of my looks.”  
“What… what do you mean?”, Cayris tries to ask politely.  
“I look horrible! Horrible, I tell you.”  
There is quite a bit of awkward silence while the turtle waits for them to speak up. Nobody does.  
„Oh, kids“, she says finally, and then she looks like she is about to start crying.  
„Can we help you with anything?“, Cayris asks, because it seems like the right thing to do.  
„Well, actually.“ The turtle sniffles once. „You know, I was bound to visit the Duchess for tea, but it seems like I have underestimated the way, and I am not quite sure I can make it there on time.“  
„The Duchess? Like a Queen?“ Cayris raises their fists again.  
„Oh, dear, no. Never say that to her face, dearie. The Duchess hates the Queen, and the Queen is no better. I had once hoped that Farway could ease their relationship, but it seems to me now that that will not be possible.“  
„Who is Farway?“, Eric asks.  
„Oh, you must have heard of her. She is called Farway, because she came from far away.“  
„And from where exactly?“  
„Oh, nobody knows that. She called herself Alice of course, and had some arguments with the Old Poof about that, but he accepted her name in the end.“  
Cayris smiles awkwardly. „The Old Poof being…?“  
„Absolem, of course. You must‘ve heard of him, he lives not a mile from here!“  
„Yes, we are familiar.“  
„Anyway, it‘s not like any of this matter. Absolem has grown even older and madder, and Farway is far away once again.“  
„Where did you say she was?“, Eric asks.  
„Far away, just like I said. Boy, you should really clean out your ears.“  
Etta actually, positively snorts about that one. Cayris, who has never heard Etta snort before decides that it‘s a sound they need in their life.  
„Where does the Duchess live?“, they ask the turtle.  
„Down the road and then left for a while.“  
„That doesn‘t sound like that far.“  
„It‘s not far away far, and it‘s not Queen far, but it‘s also not treestump near.“  
„A mediocre amount of far, then.“ Eric nods.  
„We could take your there“, Cayris says after looking at Etta for approval, not getting it and then deciding that actually, they don‘t need it, either. „I guess it‘s in our direction anyway.“  
Etta sighs, louder this time, but does not say anything else.  
„That would be most formidable of you, children.“ The turtle lets formidable roll of her tongue like she can taste the word. „If it‘s no worry to any of you, I‘d quite like a little helping along by you fair gents.“  
„Since Eric is the only gent in this conversation, he will have the honour of helping you“, Etta decides, and makes a grab for Cayris‘ arm, probably to rush ahead and get straight back into planning and possibly overthrowing the Queen and saving the world before Eric even has time to reproach that statement.  
„So you think that because I‘m not a boy, I can‘t carry this turtle?“, Cayris asks indignantly.  
„I did not say that. I was under the impression that the turtle itself-“  
„Herself“, the turtle throws in.  
„the turtle herself wanted to be carried by a gentlema-”  
„That is no excuse.“ Cayris flexes to make sure everyone is aware of their muscles. They do not, in fact, have that many muscles, but it‘s the sentiment that counts.  
„I“, the announce, „will be carrying this turtle, and if it is the last thing I do.“  
„Is it really necessary to show off?“  
„I am not showing off. I am merely showing that I am a proud, tall and strong enby-“  
„You‘re like five feet“, Eric says with a frown.  
„I am a proud and strong enby then.“  
„This morning you complained that the bedding of this forest did not suit your needs, and then you made a joke about your low self esteem by saying that it was still better than resting on your own mind. Which, to be honest, wasn‘t even a good joke, but I laughed anyway because I was feeling sorry for you.“  
There is a moment of silence, and then another moment, and then Cayris simply marches over to the turtle, picks her up, nearly falls to their knees because damn, turtles are heavier than commonly expected, and makes their way down the forest path.  
Eric and Etta follow them shortly after, which they know because they can hear their footfalls in the few moments before the blood in their ears becomes too loud.  
The turtle, seems to be comfortable, at least.  
„Well, this is nice“, she says, stretching her legs to far that they bump into Cayris# chin. Cayris does not have enough breath left to complain. They feel like they have been walking the whole afternoon. They have indeed been walking for about five steps.  
„And how exactly is your relationship with this Duchess?“, Etta asks, quickly striding to Cayris' side.  
The turtle takes a good deal of time to think about this, stretching a bit more, and nearly falling out of Cayris already limp-growing arms twice along the way.  
Finally, about seven breaths and one existential crisis,later (as well as two separate mental promises to work on their muscles when they come back from this quest), the turtle does respond: „We have a common enemy in the Queen, you must know. We have never done anything illegal“, she hastily adds, as if someone was listening in on them from through the woods. „But, you know, she has not always been the nicest herself, if I might say that.“  
„You might.“ Eric catches up to Cayris as well.  
„She tried to sell me once, can you imagine? And then she had me locked up in a petting zoo for years! She even took visitors to show me to them all the time.“  
„Outrageous“, Cayris huffs, and then wishes that they hadn‘t said that, because now Eric is looking at them kinda worriedly.  
„Are you sure you‘re okay?“, he asks.  
Cayris, not trusting their voice to not betray them, nods.  
„I could carry her if you want me to.“  
Cayris shakes their head, but the turtle is faster at responding than them anyway.  
„Oh, boy, don‘t get your manliness in a twist now. The enby can carry me just as well. And anyhow, and I am not that much of a weight.“  
Cayris wants to disagree, but decides that that would be entirely too impolite.  
It is not, they think hurriedly to sooth their own ego, the fact that enbies cannot carry as much as boys. Or girls, for that matter. It is simply that they themselves cannot do it because they are freakingly bad at any kind of sport.  
Unfortunately, Etta seems to come to the same conclusion.  
„Let me take care of that“, she says, and a moment later, a gust of wind picks the turtle right out of Cayris‘ arms, and deposits her safely somewhere in the air, about a metre above the ground, on what seems to be a pillow made out of air.  
„That would not have been necessary“, says Cayris, who feels that it has indeed been very necessary.  
They move onwards. There would be a bit of an awkward silence, but thankfully, the turtle is there, and quickly turns the silence into a one-sided, even more awkward conversation, telling them about this and that and even more, while they make their way through the forest.


	13. a family dinner

Night has nearly fallen when they finally reach the edge of the woods, and it is probably out of that reason entirely that Cayris nearly steps on something.  
„Now that is just awful manners“, a voice from down below informs them. Cayris squints downwards and sees nothing.  
„My eyes are up here“, the voice says, now from a point slightly above them, and Cayris looks up to find a cat.  
It‘s not a normal cat, mind you, since nothing in this land seems to be normal, but a cat nonetheless. It has quite an array of teeth that seem to all be encompassed in its giant grin, and then it is also somehow able to fly, and most importantly, has a tail that is way bigger than any cat‘s tail has the right to be.  
It also, of course, has eyes. Actually, the whole rest of the body just slowly emerges from invisibility after Cayris has had time to stare at the eyes, giant blue green grey ish pools of stories untold, with just a hint of a smile in them, as if the cat has just told a joke and nobody got it.  
„And whom are you?“  
„It‘s not pronounced whom, Cayris.“  
„But it sounds fancier.“  
„This is, of course, Cat“, the turtle interrupts before Etta can reply anything to that.  
„A cat.“ Eric coughs. „You are not by any way familiar or acquainted with Dinah the Cat, are you now?“  
„Obviously not.“ The cat smiles another one of those wide smiles that kind of make Cayris regret having had three orchidees for lunch today. „I hate that little bitch.“  
„Oh.“ Eric breathes in deeply. „Funny story, me too.“  
„I am Cheshire Cat“, the cat goes on without waiting for him to finish. „You may call me Mx. Cat now, since we are not acquainted yet, and if we happen to get closer you can call me Cheshire, since that is my first name. Whatever else you do, however, never, under any circumstances, call me Chesh.“  
The turtle shudders. „I saw someone use that nickname on Cheshire once, and it was not funny, believe me.“  
„So, just to get this straight.“  
„I don‘t wanna get anything straight“, Cayris replies, hastily backing away from Etta. Etta has a truly admirable hold on herself and does not slap them right in the face.  
„You are called Cheshire Cat.“  
„Obviously. It‘s two names, one short, one long, one last, one first. Not that hard to remember, is it?“  
„It‘s just...“  
„Well, I don‘t even want to know what your name is, then.“  
„Etta did not mean any insult“, Cayris says.  
„Etta?“ The cat - Mx. Cat - takes a second look at Etta, and then shakes its head slowly. „I‘m sorry. I had not recognized you before. My deepest apologies.“  
„You know her as well?“, Eric starts up. „Is this about the deep secret backstory shit these two are not telling me about?“  
„I assume it is.“ Mx. Cat raises its eyebrows - yes, the cat does have eyebrows, and yes, it is a gruesome sight that Cayris will never be able to forget. „And yet - backstory, Etta? I would‘ve never taken you for one of those people.“  
„It happened, okay? And I don‘t remember it, anyhow.“  
„You…. You don‘t remember me?“ Cat is taken aback visibly, its tail swishing back and forth. „But… we were …. good friends. Don‘t you remember that at all?“  
„I‘m sorry.“ Etta‘s voice, stiff and formal, and not at all the voice of a person you know seems to hurt the cat only further. “I just can’t remember. I feel like I’ve known you, maybe, so that is a plus.”  
“That is a plus?!”  
Eric used the following commotion to grab Cayris’ arm. “Okay, I know that Etta does not want me to know about any of this”, he says in a mere whisper, “but I feel like I have a right to know at this point. It’s obviously a huge thing and-”  
“Nah.” Cayris brushes his arm off.  
“What?”  
“Listen, I really like you because you’re crazy and weird and also gay and attractive enough to be part of this extremely gay and attractive group of people.”  
“Gee, thanks.”  
“But the thing Etta told me was not something she would’ve had to tell me in any way, which I realized even before she did it, and that was why I told her she shouldn’t do it, but she still did, and it was amazing.”  
“We’re still talking about the secret, right?”  
Cayris elbows him in the stomach lightly - or, to judge by his groan, not as lightly as they would’ve thought.  
“What I am trying to tell you is, I barely know you, I barely know Etta. It is not my business to go around and tell her secrets to other people. Ask her yourself.”  
“Well, I’m gonna have no luck there.”  
“You're right about that at least”, Etta’s voice flows over to them, and they turn around, Cayris feeling somehow caught (maybe because they have indeed been caught). Mx Cat is turning its back to the group, and Etta is still standing at the exact same place, not moving, not trying to comfort the cat in any way.  
“It’s still a far way to the Duchess, and the dark is coming already”, she says, emotionless. “I’d like to reach her house before nightfall, and ask for a cover and some food. Unless anyone else has any other ideas.”  
Noone does, and so they start marching again, the turtle now being carried by Eric after all.  
Cayris uses this moment to catch up to Etta.  
They think about what to say, and then decide that thinking about that beforehand makes it sound less geniune.  
„Can I help you with anything?“, they ask, and decide that yes, thinking about that would‘ve definitely been the better option anyway.  
Etta laughs, a breathless, hopeless laugh. It sounds like someone remembering a joke that was funny to them years ago, while drowning.  
„Get me my life back?“  
„I‘m gonna do that“, Cayris promises at once. „I‘m gonna punch the evil dude responsible for this, and then I‘m gonna get it back.“  
„That was a rethorical question. But…. Thanks.“  
Cayris decides that this is the right moment to reach for Etta‘s arm, and then, when she shrugs away, realizes belatedly that they might have misread the signs.  
„You are doing great, you know.“ They are surprised about the words coming out of their mouth themself. „You know“, they try to elaborate, „if all of this happened to me, I wouldn‘t be so calm about it. Especially if I couldn‘t even remember who did this.“  
Etta‘s step falter for a second.  
„You are being surprisingly nice today“, she says.  
„You‘ve known me for like a week. Maybe I‘m always this nice.“  
„Somehow, I doubt it.“  
Cayrus tajes the hit, since Etta seems to really need this right now. Is this the reason that she has hid in the house for so long? Has she never gone out before, worried that people might remember her?  
„What exactly did happen? The part you remember, I mean.“ They don‘t expect an answer, but they get one anyway.  
„Someone fucked up my timeline. It‘s not a big deal, really. I just… I can‘t remember the timeline I originally had, since it‘s been completely warped.“  
„But the rabbit, this cat - they do remember the original you. How is that possible?“  
„They don‘t remember anything, either. But because the timeline is so fucked up, it doesn‘t match up in all the places.“ Etta shrugs. „They remember the old me, because they have never spent time with the new me, and therefore they don‘t have any memories to overwrite their old memories with. That is what typically happens when someone alters a specific life, but doesn‘t think to change everyone else‘s lives impacted by that one life as well.“  
„Woah.“ Cayris walks in silence for a few minutes, trying to wrap their mind around this concept, and failing.  
„But“, the finally start up again. „If the rabbit and the cat and god knows who else have kept their old memories because they do now know the new you… doesn‘t that mean that by meeting them, you will erase their old memories?“  
„That might happen.“  
„But then… they have to tell us all they know before that happens!“ Suddenly, Cayris feels like they might need to punch someone after all. „Otherwise that life will be lost, your life, you-“  
„That life is already lost, Cayris.“  
Her voice is calm, nearly steady. A day ago, it might‘ve fooled Cayris.  
„I will never be able to remember that life, do you understand? And I don‘t want to. That life is not my life anymore, and that sucks, because it was meant to be that way, I was meant to be that way, and all of that kind of just feels like a dream to me now.“ She takes a breath, shivering, and Cayris has to keep themself from reaching out for her again.  
„But I won‘t get that back, ever. Most certainly not by listening to other people tell some of their half-forgotten memories of the person that they knew. It‘s just gonna show me what I‘ve lost, and I don‘t want that.“  
They walk in silence for a while, and finally, Cayris slips their hand into Etta‘s. They just mean to give a gentle sqeeze, a reassuring confirmation of them being there and listening, but Etta suddenly clings on to it for dear life, and they can‘t bring themselves to let go.  
„I think you turned out pretty great, anyway.“  
Etta laughs about that. It sounds more truthful than her last laugh at least, although still kinda like someone drowning.  
„Well, thanks.“  
And then they just walk. Etta‘s hand is uncomfortable to hold, with all the lace and burnmarks. And on top of that, it seems to them like Etta‘s fingers are just wrong somehow, too long and thin, like a claw.  
It‘s nice holding her hand anyway.  
„And here we are“, the turtle announces some awkward silence later. „Just around the corner, and we‘ll be at the house the Duchess is currently residing in.“  
„Currently?“, Eric asks. „Does she have more than one house?“  
„Obviously.“ A gust of wind that surely has no natural cause Eta's coat trailing behind her. Cayris laughs.  
„You‘re a drama queen.“  
„That‘s simply untrue. You‘re a drama queen.“  
„Everyone knows that I‘m the drama queen!“, Eric cries out from behind.  
„None of you is the queen, and you‘ll all be sued for imposing as her if you don‘t stop this gibberish talk right now“, a frog says from the ground.  
„It‘s the frog again!“ Cayris kneels down. „Hey, do you remember me? We talked about two days ago.“  
„That‘s not the same frog, Cayris.“  
„But they look alike!“  
„Wow, wow.“ The frog leans on his trumpet. „That‘s quite frog-ish of you.“  
„Excuse me, what?“  
„Frog-ish. You know, when people say mean things about frogs.“  
„There‘s a word for that now?“  
„They have a word for everything these days.“ Etta awkwardly kneels down, to be able to look the frog in the eye. „Now, what exactly brings you this way?“  
„I have a declaration to declare, of course. If all of you ladies and gentlelads please get ready… chrm, chrm.“ The frog unrolls a huge parchment. „Any and all mages named Xarenius need to present themselves in front of the court for an urgent ruling. Own rulers-“  
„Are required.“ Etta gets back up again. „We have already heard this message, little man.“  
„I am quite big for a frog, actually.“ The frog puffs up his chest to demonstrate.  
„Really? You don‘t look like it.“ Eric‘s lips curl up.  
„Just for the record, I am aware that I am being made fun of, but I‘m going to ignore it because someone has to be the bigger person sometimes.“  
„Well, I don‘t think you should do that job specifically.“  
„I am feeling tiny-shamed. And that‘s not even fair because I know for a fact that she is also-“  
„Woah, guy.“ Eric has suddenly positioned himself between Cayris and the frog who is currently poointing a finger at them. „Watch your pronouns.“  
„I‘m sorry?“ If the frog had eyebrows, he would probably raise them right, so far that they'd disappear under his hair. Thankfully, he does have neither hair nor eyebrows, since the mental image alone has left Cayris scarred.  
„You are well aware of the fact that they use they pronouns. Not only are they clearly an enby, they are literally wearing a pin on their chest telling you their desired pronouns.“  
„Ah, well.“ The frog shrugs. „I really don‘t believe in this kinda thing, to be honest, so if you guys don‘t mind-“  
„We do, in fact, mind.“ Cayris has been pleasantly surprised at Eric stepping forward. They would have never in a million years have expected Etta to do the same thing. The turtle, still in Eric‘s arms, positively winks at Cayris before she turns her head in the direction of the frog herself.  
„As a fellow animal, I should warn you that the female human wearing black curtain has unimaginable magical powers and should not be messed with.“  
The frog stares at all of them for a second. Then he says, very quickly: „Well, I better be off. If you already know the message, there is no sense in me wasting good daylight.“  
„It‘s already nighttime“, Cheshire Cat points out.  
„Good nightlight, then.“  
„Never to miss out on nightlight“, Cayris throws in.  
„Good day to you gents then. And if any or all of you see a mage named Xarenius-“  
„We will be sure to mention it.“  
The frog shuffles off awkwardly, his trumpet in tow.  
„You guys!“ Cayris hides their face in their hands. „That was super, super embarassing!“  
„It was indeed.“ Etta sounds like she is grinning.  
„Okay, since it is actually already nighttime, it would be incredibly helpful, and I forever in your servitude, if we could just cut around that corner and deliver me and myself safely to the Duchess“, the turtle says, completely ruining the moment they just had.  
„We will be coming right along with you.“ Etta clears her throat. „I do hope that the Duchess is friendly to guests?“  
„Definitely.“ Cheshire Cat whirls ahead in a sudden gust of wind. „She is the most friendly person in the world, you‘ll just have to ignore a good deal of what she says. Plus some of her gestures as well. And a Pro Tip: never eat her food.“  
And then it disappears.  
„Why shouldn‘t we eat her food?“, asks Cayris. Not that Cayris cares for cooked food, but they are curious.  
„She likes her seasoning.“ The turtle smiles knowningly. The gesture looks really, really wrong on a turtle.  
„We will not be eating anything except for the things that we brought, then.“  
The turn the corner, and pull up short when the house finally comes into few. It‘s a not a big house, and especially after seeing Dinah the Cat‘s palace, it is quite unremarkable - a simple shed with a surprisingly flat roof. There is light behind all of the windows, and smoke coming out of the chimney. A quite big amount of smoke, actually.  
„Are they okay?“, Cayris asks, pointing to the smoke. It does look like the whole house is in urgent need of a shower or two.  
„Oh, that‘s just the Cook.“  
„There is a cook?“  
„Of course there is. The Duchess helps her sometimes.“  
„And the Cook also likes strong seasoning?“  
„I am afraid so.“ The turtle sighs. „But it truly isn‘t that bad, I just felt that having a heads-up would be better for you guys. Humans can be so sensible sometimes.“  
„We are most definitely not“, says Eric, who is entirely too sensible.  
Cayris, who also feels quite sensible, but has no problem admitting that, simply shrugs. Etta, who is like the most sensible person they know, does choose not to comment.  
They step up to the front door (which is green, and entirely mailslot free. Cayris takes that for a positive sign) und ring the doorbell.  
There is the clatter of what sounds like pots and pans inside, and then the door is opened, and a giant can of pepper is nearly emptied into their faces.  
„What the-“, Cayris says, and then has to stop talking in favour of sneezing.  
„Oh, there you are“, says the woman on the other side of the door. She is looking at the turtle with raised eyebrows. „We had to start making the soup without you.“  
„I‘m terribly sorry. We‘ve been held up by a transphobic frog.“  
„Another one of those messenger frogs?“, a second voice from inside the house asks and a moment later, another woman appears. Unlike the first one, she is not wearing an apron, but has a can of pepper in her hands as well, as if for some reason, they need two of those (which, if they are really so intense about their seasoning, they probably actually do). Her head is too big for her body.  
„And you must be the Duchess“, Eric says, bowing gallantly around the turtle.  
„I am. Come in, come in.“ The Duchess pulls them in and closes the door behind them. „I told you she is sending her little birdies out again“, she says into the direction of the woman.  
„They are actually frogs. Not birds.“  
„It‘s an expression, dearie“, the first woman - who must be the Cook then - explains to Cayris.  
„Ah.“  
„You don‘t like the messenger frogs?“, Etta asks innocently.  
“Of course she doesn’t”, the Cook says.  
„They are the messengers of the Red Queen after all“, the Duchess takes over. They have, Cayris decides, a decidedly couple like dynamic.  
„And you don‘t like the Red Queen?“  
„You already know she doesn‘t like them“, the turtle reprimands, but her words are lost under the rant the Duchess goes on - a rant so filled to the brim with colourful expressions that in order to print it, one would have to black out the entire speech.  
„Well“, the Cook says when her girlfriend needs to catch her breath about five minutes of explecitive language later. „How about y'all stay here for soup?“  
„Actually, if it isn‘t too much to ask“, Eric jumps in, all charming smiles and bows and disgustingly nice. „If we could stay overnight, we would forever be in your service. Only if it isn‘t too much of an inconvenience, of course.“  
The Duchess looks at the Cook, and then back at them.  
„Soup Turtle, these are your friends?“  
„They carried me more than two thirds of the way. Otherwise I‘d still be stuck somewhere in this god forsaken forest.“  
„Then it is decided. People who help out with dinner always have a right to a bed in this house.“ The Cook smiles.  
„How about you show them the guest room, and the Soup Turtle and I get back to the kitchen?“ The Duchess nods importantly and makes to lead them out of the entrance hall, but then suddenly stops short.  
„You didn‘t happen to see Cheshire? It was invited for dinner as well.“  
„Cheshire - I mean, Mx. Cat was with us most of the way“, Cayris replies. „But it kinda vanished.“  
„Oh, then it‘s gonna reappear later.“ The Duchess smiles knowingly. „It liked making a big entrance like that sometimes.“  
Etta, who has made quite some big entrances herself, huffs disapprovingly, but doesn‘t say anything. The three of them, led by the Duchess, do finally leave the room and make their way up an old and croaky staircase into the smallest attic Cayris has ever seen.  
„You can stay here tonight, as long as you don‘t upset the Bat Men.“  
„Bat Men?“  
The Duchess points to the roof. „They like to sleep up there. They‘re no friends of light - don‘t want to show themselves, I guess. They won‘t bother you.“  
„I‘m sorry to have to even ask“, Eric says, „but just so we‘re on the same page here: does the term bat man mean what I think it does?“  
„If you‘re thinking genetically engineered men with bat wings, then-“  
„Yes, that was exactly what I was thinking.“  
„I‘m sorry to disappoint. They‘re literally just bats, but instead of making these weird high noises you normally hear bats make, these ones are able to see only by talking like frat boys.“  
She looks at their confused faces and sighs. „An example.“  
„White pride“, she screams up to the roof, and suddenly, a fifty voices in various stages of male puberty answer: „White pride!“  
„Okay.“  
Cayris blinks once, and then twice, and then, to really encompass the gravity of the situation, they blink for a third time. „That was one of the weirdest things I have ever witnessed, and I witness myself on a daily basis.“  
„As I said, they aren‘t really that active if you leave them be. Just don‘t give them any fodder, or they‘ll start to move around and make an awful lot of commotion.“  
The Duchess shows them where to hang their coats, and then gets out what has to be the oldest, most worn air mattress of all times, points a finger at it, curses it in three different languages and watches it unfold on its own.  
„Patent pending“, she simply says when Eric wants to know how that works.  
After that, they make their way down the stairs again, and the Duchess gives them a quick tour of the house, which is mostly the entrance hall that they have already seen, a small and stuffed living room, the master bed room, which they are not allowed to enter under any circumstances („and I mean any circumstances“, the Dutchess stresses. „If this house was literally burning to the ground and we were trapped inside the bedroom, you still wouldn‘t be allowed to come in and heroically save us. Not that we‘d need that, anyway, but I‘m trying to make a point here“) and finally, the kitchen.  
In the kitchen, they also find the Cook, and the Turtle, and of course, the Soup. Actually, the Turtle happens to be in the soup.  
Cayris lets out a choked sound upon seeing her, and has the immediate need to jump across the room and pull the turtle out of there, but in this exact moment, she opens her eyes and laughs.  
„There you are!“ She sounds pretty chill, especially considering the fact that she is currently in a boiling soup. „How did you like the attic?“  
„What exactly are you doing to her?“, Etta asks.  
„Child, I‘m a Soup Turtle“, the turtle exclaims. „Of course I‘m meant to be in the soup!“  
„But...“ Eric moves closer. „Doesn‘t it hurt?“  
„Oh, I‘m pretty used to it. It tickles somewhat, but apart from that, it‘s totally fine.“  
„So, just to get this clear, you are doing this regularly?“  
„She comes by every second week“, the Cook says. „Although sometimes she forgets, or gets lost on the way.“  
The turtle has the common decency to look somewhat ashamed.  
“Anyway, it’s not like this is happening against my will”, she says, and then she doesn’t say anything for a while, because the Cook puts the lid on the pot.  
“The soup needs to simmer for a bit”, she says by way of excuse. Cayris, who is still completely perplexed by what exactly is going on in this place is actually grateful that they don't have to look at the scene any longer and are therefore able to forget about it - that is, of course, before the turtle starts loudly humming what seems to be a children’s song from inside the pot.  
“It’s a good echo in there”, the Duchess explains upon seeing Cayris’ face. “She loves testing out her vocal abilities.”  
“So this soup turtle is not only a soup straight out of the can, or, in this case, shell, but also a singer?” Eric raises his eyebrows.  
“Oh, not professionally or anything”, the Cook replies, while moving out from behind the counter and making her way over to the Duchess. “But she does like to do a little recital with all her childhood songs now and then. She has several regular duo partners.”  
“Oh yeah. And remember the year when she got placed second in that talent competition?” The Duchess takes her hand. The Cook sighs contently.  
„She truly is a blessing to the world.“  
They let the turtle simmer for about twenty more minutes, a time with both of them use to shout commands at each other and somehow lay the table in the most weird and convoluted way Cayris has ever seen.  
Then it is time to eat, the turtle is freed from the pot and placed on the table itself, for a lack of chairs that reach high enough to accomodate it. The Duchess disappears for a second and returns with the ugliest baby Cayris has ever had the displeasure of laying their eyes upon.  
„This is Frederick“, she says, and all of them hold the baby for a second and don‘t talk about how ugly it is, and then they all blessedly sit down and are given soup.  
Cayris, of course, would not be inclined to eat a normal soup any day of the week, and especially considering that they know this particular soup by name, they are happy to get out of having to taste it by complaining about a sensitive stomach.  
Etta and Eric, for lack of a flower-based diet, have to actually eat the soup, and don‘t seem to be too hyped about it either, but after having a taste or two, claim that it‘s really, really good, and eat their whole plate‘s worth.  
They go to bed early, since Frederick the Ugly Baby has started crying somewhen during consuming his second plate and won‘t stop, and the Duchess suggests they simply go to the other room since Frederick‘s screams have been known to actually kill people.  
Cayris is happy to lead the way - they have, after all, not gotten that much sleep the night before.  
The mattress is not the biggest, and they have to huddle together to fit all three of them on there, but Etta remarks in a sharp voice that after this day, nobody will be made to sleep on the ground, except Eric, who could be made to sleep on the ground for all she cares, and then Eric replies in a similar voice that he most certainly will not be made to sleep on the ground, but how about Etta, who is so long and thin and uncomfortable that the bed won‘t accomodate her anyway, and then they nearly have a pillow fight, before Cayris decides that all three of them are gonna sleep in the bed.  
„Don‘t flash the Bat Men, dear“, Eric announces cheerfully, when Etta makes to take off her robe. Cayris hits him over the head, and Etta keeps her robe on.  
They do go to sleep quite fast, considering the circumstances. All of them, it seems are way too tired for bickering, and decidedly too done with the world to be woken up in the middle of the night again by angry screams.  
It‘s a shame, really, that they are, in fact, woken up by angry screams.


	14. the dramatic bad guys close in

Cayris wakes up from the Bat Men‘s screams above their head. They have to come to their senses first, being still in that haze like state that a mind is in after a dream you don‘t quite remember, but also haven‘t forgotten yet, and it does not make sense to them at all to hear a bunch of angry male voices scream: „Grab Them By The Pussy!“  
„What?“, Etta says. She sounds about as awake as Cayris is feeling.  
„I‘m gay“, Eric announces, rolls on his other side and resumes sleeping. Cayris nearly does the same thing, but is interrupted by the Duchess storming into the attic at full speed, Frederick on her shoulder.  
„She‘s here!“, she screams, and then she out again. The Bat Men scream as well, but Cayris doesn‘t pay attention to them anymore. They get up and hit both Eric and Etta across the face, hard.  
„She‘s here“, they scream, since that seems to be the motto of the night, and have already jumped out of bed, found their coat and are halfway through putting it on, when Eric asks: „Who‘s here?“  
„I don‘t know!“  
„Why are you all up and about then?“  
„Well, it seemed to be a certain sense of urgency in the air.“  
Etta gets up slowly, rubbing her eyes. She still has her mask on, so it kinda looks like a very sad ghost in the process of realizing that they have misplaced their face.  
„We need to find out what is going on“, she says finally, after way too many precious seconds have passed. She gets up and runs out of the room. Cayris stares after her, until their eye falls on Xarenius who is lounging on the bed. He must‘ve crawled out of Etta‘s robes at night, or maybe he fell out while she was throwing that pillow at Eric.  
More out of a cerain feeling than actually thinking about it, they walk over to the bed and pick up the ferret. They have just put Xarenius into their coat pocket, when the attic is stormed by giant two dimensional creatures of unspecified gender.  
Their gender however, for the first time in Cayris‘ life, is not their most important feature - there are too many others to choose: their giant metal bodies, which look so deadly that Eric lets out an unmanly shriek upon finally opening his eyes, their long swords and lances, both bigger than Cayris, and their thundrous voices.  
„You are under arrest for trespassing, impersonation and not following the law of the Court“, one of them says. Even its voice sounds metal.  
Cayris looks at the eight to ten soldiers crowding the room, opens their mouth and says: „What.“  
About a second later, they wish with all of their heart that they wouldn‘t have done that, since about four of the metal things take it as a capital offense and throw themselves at them.  
Cayris goes down shrieking, with a lot more metal weight on their back than is healthy. They can hear Eric scream something menancing like „hey!“, and then hear him falling to the ground, followed by a loud crash as the remaining metal warriors throw themselves on him.  
„Take them into custody!“, the one who has spoken before says, and the both of them are being made to stand up and held up by two of the warriors each.  
„We march!“, the leader declares, and their small party marches out of the attic.  
„What is going on here?“, Cayris asks. Nobody answers.  
Eric is searched for his theft at Dinah the Cat‘s chicken farm. Why they themselves might be put under arrest, they have no idea. Yet the messenger frog from earlier that day has mentioned that they might be sued for impersonation, which sounded like a funny thing back then, and somehow does less so now  
And who could put them under arrest for not following the law? Only one person comes to mind, and that is the Queen herself. Which means that these metal things are her soldiers.  
Which means that all of them, including Etta, are going to be brought in front of the court. Etta, who is not supposed to go there under any circumstances, because of the big evil guy of McEvil.  
There is a sudden rush of adrenaline in Cayris‘ body, and they nearly, very very nearly, throw themselves forward to escape the grasp of the warriors at their sides, but then realize that they have but one chance to do this, and if they don‘t do it right on the first try, they will not be getting a second one.  
It doesn‘t really make sense to Cayris right now, but then again, legalese never has made any sense to them, especially not when they are really, really tired, and escorted out of a weird house by even weirder people.  
They leave through the front door, which looks crooked, and find the rest of their little company on the lawn in front of the house.  
„This is wrong, wrong I tell you!“ The Duchess is still clutching Frederick in one arm, and a giant peppermill in the other. The Cook, who is standing right behind her, lays a calming hand on her arm, but the Duchess has reached maximum anger now, and will not be calmed down easily.  
„I have never broken the law of the land!“, she says, or screams, or somehow says while sounding like she‘ll start screaming any moment now.  
„Have you now.“ The soldier who seems to be speaking for the entire team steps up from behind Cayris. „And yet we have found these trespassers under your care, one of whom is a thief, one of whom is a wanted criminal, and one of whom has a terrible sense of fashion.“  
„Who has what now?“, Cayris asks.  
„On top of all three of them being traitors to the crown and trespassers to the Red Queen’s sanity.“  
The Duchess raises her eyebrows, and somehow it‘s not as simple of a motion as it sounds - her whole face moves with it, centimeters and centimeters of skin lifting in response to the ascent of the eyebrows themselves, making for a truly gruesome expression.  
„Is that so?“ Her voice reaches a quiet point, similiar to the moment of silence right before an earthquake hits. Followed by a hurricane and a volcano erruption, and then another earthquake.  
The soldier, who seems to be either really cocky, or really stupid, nods.  
„It is all true“, he says.  
„And can you prove it?“  
The soldier thinks about that for a second. „I guess not.“  
„You guess not. Then why are you here, disturbing my guests at this hour of pre-dawn?“  
„Well, you know. I‘m a soldier. It‘s kinda my job.“  
„You‘re not a soldier, believe me. More like a really, really annoying police officer or something.“  
That is Etta‘s voice. Wearing all black and keeping to the background, she has escaped the public eye until now, but in this moment, everyone turns to her.  
Etta, as Cayris realizes, is not being restrained by anyone. Which is, of course, only to be expected. Here Cayris is being the valid hero, preparing to save her, and then Etta has to go and save herself. How is anyone expected to work under these circumstances?  
„Who is that? And more importantly, why is she not bound?“, the soldier asks.  
„Captain, she was restrained. We left four men with her.“  
Etta raises her hands in a swirl that shows off the black runes. „Oops.“  
„Well.“ The soldier sizes her up, then he turns back to his men. „She can‘t take all of us at once, can she?“  
„I wouldn‘t bet on it“, Eric says in a werid sing song voice that makes everyone stare at him judgingly for a second before returning their attention ot the bigger problem.  
„Here is my master plan.“ The soldier turns around in a circle to make sure everyone is watching him. „We are all gonna run in her direction, and then wait for her to take each and everyone of us out one after the other.“  
„Sounds great“, Etta says, cracking her knuckles.  
„Which is why we‘re not doing that.“ The soldier jumps, and it is something that Cayris will never forget, mainly because he nearly lands on top of them. And then suddenly, there is a knife to their throat.  
„Come over here, or I‘m gonna kill the enby.“  
„Hey!“, Cayris says, and wants to add something about that being the oldest trick in the book, and after all, they are the hero, so the trick should be done on them, not the other way round, but they are suddenly made aware of the sharpness of the knife, and decide that all in all, they don‘t really need to say anything else to bring their point across.  
Etta seems to be caught in a loop, her face screwed up around the corners of the mask, taking a step forward and then a step back again.  
Cayris has to say that they would not have expected of Etta to even think twice about it. It‘s obvious what she needs to do, kill off all of these bastards and be done with it. And if Cayris doesn‘t survive that, well, that is gonna be a tragedy, especially for Mother who will have to prepare their funeral all herself, but that is just how life is.  
They think that for a split second, and then reality catches up to them, and they realize that they are, in fact, in direct danger of dying, that this is not just a scene from a book where your actions won't have consequences.  
Etta is gonna make the wrong decision, Cayris realizes. The decision that saves their life, and while they are indrecibly grateful that Etta is going to decide that way on a personal level, they can‘t let her do that.  
And nobody else is going to interfer, out of fear of being the one responsible for Cayris‘ death. They are literally the only person who can do anything about the situation now.  
They are the hero.  
They hold that though tight in their mind, relish in it for a moment, and then they realize that they don‘t know what to do, and suddenly the warmth of the thought is gone.  
They might be the hero, but they are a shitty hero.  
They cannot do anything, because they are not smart or strong or interesting enough.  
And then the moment is gone, no course of action taken, and Etta lets go of her powers, the wind settles around them.  
„Fine“, she says, and this is Cayris‘ fault on so many different levels - even a day ago, they know, Etta would‘ve simply let Eric and themself be and made off with Xarenius - Xarenius, who is still in Cayris‘ coat.  
With a sudden ache in their heart that really should not be there, Cayris realizes that maybe, after all, Etta has not decided this way because of themself, but because she knows that Xarenius is with them. Does she know? Does she think he's still in the house? Has she even realized that he is gone from her pocket?  
Does it make any difference?  
„See, it‘s easy.“  
Two of the soldiers step over to Etta and take her in their midst.  
„We are marching!“  
And then they are, in fact, marching. The Duchess and the Cook are herded in line behind them, and another soldier grabs the turtle, who has been sitting on the ktichen table, blessedly unaware of what was going on outside since she had already taken out her hearing implants for the day.  
Cayris still has a knife on their throat, but they do manage to look at the soldiers for the first time in real light when they step back inside the house to get the turtle, and what they see is creepier than what they had imagined before.  
That are made out of metal, but not in a way that looks like the armorer had fun doing his job. They are shaped to look like a giant deck of playing cards, and yet something about them is off - probably the fact that they are made out of metal, which Cayris doesn‘t even begin to understand why, but maybe it does make more sense to have your warriors forged out of something more durable than paper.  
They have weirdly long and thin limbs that stick out of their bodies at odd angles. Their feet and hands remind Cayris of the awkward way teenagers looks before they have fully growns into their body (Cayris is very familiar with this look because they are currently sporting it themselves), and they do seem to have some trouble moving as well, all the time falling down or tripping over each other.  
Yet the captain keeps a tight hold on Cayris and the knife at their throat, and Cayris is quite grateful for that, since they do not want to be killed by a giant playing card tripping and cutting their throat open by accident.  
Etta is still slumped between two soldiers who are being quite careful walking as well, and only trip once or twice, yet she does not try any funny business. Either way, when she clears her throat about twenty steps in, one of the soldiers next to her panicks and hits her over the head with his shield.  
Cayris cries out, and then stop abruptly when the knife bites into their throat. It is made clear that this was an accident and that Etta is gonna be okay, and then one of the soldiers picks her up and slings her across his back like a sad little puppet.  
They walk right through the morning, until they reach a giant tree stump in the middle of the road.  
„And there we are“, the captain of guards announces cheerfully, and before Cayris can ask where here is, he pushes them into the stump, and suddenly they are falling and there is black and white splotches across their vision and all in all, they are not having a good time.  
When they finally reach the other side of whatever it is, however, it gets worse.  
Cayris barely has time to struggle to their feet when someone is already there, dragging them upwards. They look up, see nothing, look down, and see a face that is entirely too big for the entirely too small body it is resting on.  
„And what is this?“, says the face.  
„Ah“, Cayris replies intelligently.  
„Mylady.“ The captain of guards goes to one knee in front of the small creature still grabbing Cayris‘ elbow.  
Cayris looks closer and realizes that on a nest of messy red curls, there (looking entirely too small by comparison) is a tiny little crown.  
„You are the Red Queen.“  
„You will adress me as Your Majesty“, the Queen says instantly. „And I would very much like to hear what you are doing here, now.“  
Cayris stares at the room around them - high ceilings, endless arrays of curtains that don‘t even match slightly, and not a soul to be seen in the entirety of the giant room.  
„This is one of the trespassers that we heard about.“ The knight edges closer. „And… I do not know this for sure, but I am suspecting… that we might have found the ones you were looking for.“  
„The ones?“ the Queen gestures into Cayris‘ general direction, finally letting go of their arm in the process, probably to better excompass just how much of a disappointing sight Cayris is.  
„This is but one person, my royal knight.“  
It is at this moment that Eric falls out of the sky.  
„Oh shit“, he says, and then some other words that are abruptly cut off when two metal soldiers fall on top of him.  
„Listen, I really appreciate you guys being so fit, but could you maybe stop falling on me, it is really freaking me out“, he mumbles. Nobody pays him much attention.  
„This is the trespasser? But that‘s a boy.“  
„Hey, did you just assume my gender?“, says Eric, finally getting to his feet.  
„You are a boy“, Cayris reminds him and pulls him up.  
„Anyhow.“ He seems like he has something more to say, but just then, Etta falls down between them, still unconscious and still in her black robes. The Queen points at her.  
„Aha!“, she says.  
„That is the one we have been looking for, is it not?“, the royal knight asks.  
The Queen carefully steps closer and reaches for Etta‘s face, but Cayris, who at the same moment realizes what she is about to do, steps in front of her.  
„That mask is staying right where it is.“  
„Touching.“ The queen seems to consider ordering Cayris out of the way, and then decide that it‘s not worth the trouble. „You have fulfilled your mission to the fullest extent, my knight.“  
„Actually-“, the knight starts up, but at this moment, the Duchess and the Cook land in their midst. The room, albeit not small, begins to feel crowded.  
„You“, the Duchess says as soon as she lays eyes on the Queen.  
„Why have you brought her?“ The Queen is decidedly not looking at the Duchess. „You know I don‘t like it when smallfolk dirties my royal halls.“  
„My Queen, we found the intruder to your royal peace under her roof. It seemed only fit to bring her here with us, as well as her….“ He makes a swirling gesture. „Cook.“  
„Is that so.“ The Queen steps forward, is suddenly made aware of Frederick, who is sleeping in the Duchess‘ arms, and takes a hasty step back, almost as if childhood is a transmittable disease.  
„This is the one you replaced me with?“, she says, pointing at the Cook. „I would‘ve taken you to have better taste.“  
The Duchess moves to stand in front of the cook. „If I had better taste, how would I have ever ended up with you in the first place?“  
If words were poison, Cayris thinks, then everyone in this room would currently be screaming about third degree chemical burns.  
The queen sneers, but does not reply. „Take them away“, she says instead, pointing at all of them. „Or are there any more unwelcome guests expected to arrive?“  
„Well, actually-“  
A last guard falls out of a hole in the ceiling, with the turtle in his arms.  
„That was all of it“, the captain resumes.  
„Good. I want them thrown in the dungeons, bathed and ready for croquet.“  
„In that order, your royal highness?“  
„Bath them first if must be, and definitely put the croquet second, since that is more important than the dungeons.“  
„Absolutely, my lady.“  
„I shall be waiting outside.“ The Queen storms off.  
„My Queen?“, the captain calls after her. „When are you planning on having the trial?“  
„Why, after the croquet of course. Do I have to spell everything out for you people?“  
And with that, she is gone. Cayris stares after her, and can‘t help but be impressed that such a little person can make such a mess out of things. A moment later, they are suddenly shaken from their thoughts when the captain of the guard grabs their arm.  
„It is time y‘all had a bath“, he says, his metal nose scrunched up.  
„Oh, that is ridiculous“, Eric says.  
„It surely is not. The Red Queen said so herself.“  
Eric turns to Cayris, his face actually scared for the first time.  
„We“, he whispers, „are surrounded by madmen.“  
„And women“, one of the cards says.  
„And women“, Cayris agrees bitterly, hefting Etta up on their shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it a dramatic close-in or dramatic bad guys? both. both is good.


	15. torture and croquet (not necessarily in that order)

„The rules to the highly anticipated croquet game are as follows“, a frog explains. It‘s about thirty minutes later, Cayris and Eric have been scrubbed clean, and Etta has been strapped to a chair, still unconscious, and beneath a sign that says: „Pop Culture Reference“.  
„Everyone has been assigned one hedgehog, except for her Royal Highness who has been assigned infite hedgehogs, as well as being able to seize any opponent‘s hedgehog whenever she wishes to. As for flamingos, everyone should‘ve found theirs by now.“ He points at Cayris‘ flamingo, which is tucked away between their legs.  
„Do not, under any circumstances, remove the straps on your bat.“  
„There‘s bats now as well?“, Eric asks.  
„No, the flamingos are the bats.“ Cayris reaches for his hand and carefully puts it somewhere where it isn‘t in immediate danger of setting free his flamingo.  
„Silence in the lower ranks“, the Queen screams.  
„Yeah, silence you unimportant poofs“, Eric says looking behind him, and then realizing that there‘s nobody there.  
They begin to actually play, and the whole thing gets even more confusing.  
Cayris still isn‘t totally clear on why exactly they aren‘t being tried right now, but instead out and about playing croquet, but they aren‘t going to complain about it.  
There are about twenty messenger frogs, an assortment of bunnies, the Turtle, the Duchess and the Cook, and then about twenty other folks - people of the Court, in all their weirdness, and, hopping up and down on the sidelines, the Rabbit.  
It‘s like a giant family reuinion, only that the family has never been united before, and quite frankly, could do without it as well.  
Everyone is running about and screaming at each other, loudest of all the flamingos, who, as it turns out, are not that happy about being used as utensils to hit hedgehogs with.  
As the first flamingos flutter of the field, Eric calls them „flamin-goes“ in jest, and is then forced to take a time-out for three whole turns for - in the exact words of the Queen - not taking this honored tradition serious enough.  
After stumbling into a hedgehog and having to endure the sight of a truly horrible dress worn by one of the Courtmen, Cayris is nearly actually happy when the game is called of.  
„It is Court time“, the queen announces. „Everyone, prepare to be Courted!“  
Cayris looks over their shoulder, and is met with the not at all reassuring sight of three card soldiers blocking any possible exits they might use for their horrific escape.  
And then it is already too late, everyone is packing up their flamingoes, and Cayris and Eric are pushed into the Royal Palace again.  
The court meets in a giant hial that Cayris has not seen before (all the croquet has made them miss out on the complete tour of the house) and they are made to sit on a bench that is disgustingly small.  
One of the guards drops off Etta - in a literal sense, since the guy actually drops her to the ground next to them. Cayris marches up to him and wants to fight him, but Eric holds them back, and instead they both lean over Etta, shaking her until she suddenly startles awake.  
"You guys." She gets up and stretches. "What happened?"  
"A surprising number of things, but let's not get into the details."  
The Queen has found her own seat, as it would appear, and is now asking for silence (or moreso, demanding silence, on threat of cutting off everyone's heads with her own hands if they aren't silent at once, god dammit!).  
"We are here today", she finally begins, "for the trial of the aforementioned three Not To Be Trusted People."  
"We were not mentioned before. You just started talking", Cayris says.  
"Silence!"  
Cayris is silent.  
"The jury today consists of ten of my messenger frogs."  
"Hold on a second", Eric says. One of the card men pushes him back, but he gets up anyway, in what is either the most brave or the most stupid time anyone has ever decided to have an act of defiance.  
"You can't just make all ten members of the jury related to you in some way!"  
"I am not related to frogs! Don't be ridiculous, kid."  
"I don't mean related in the blood way. I mean, all of these frogs know you, and will vote for you."  
"Well, there isn't anyone here who doesn't know me-"  
"But there are people who aren't on your payroll."  
"Come on now", one of the jury frogs says. "It's not like she's paying us anyway."  
"She is not?" Eric seems to lose focus for a second, and the trial seems to be about to go haywire sagain, probably to sack his idea, when the Dutchess gets up from the first row.  
"I would like to vote on revoking the jury."  
"You can't do that. She can't do that!"  
"You cannot do that", says the captain of the guard. "You are in the midst of a trial yourself, as is your wife." He adds those last words when the Cook jumps out of her seat, and she sits down again, frowning.  
"But the soup turtle isn't", the Dutchess says.  
"That is, in fact, correct", the captain of guards agrees. "The turtle could move for revoking the jury."  
"You aren't supposed to help them, idiot!" The Queen hits the Captain of Guards with her crown.  
"I am sorry, my Queen."  
"Well, you should be."  
"I move to revoke the jury", the turtle says in the midst of the chaos.  
"What a surprising and unexpected move", the Dutchess says.  
"Okay, we'll be voting on this real quick! Who in the jury moves to revoke the jury?"  
The frogs in the jury look at each other, and then all simultaneously raise their hands. Eric turns to Cayris.  
"I think I have just found a bunch of people that are even more stupid, weird and unprepared for life than I am, and I want to take this moment to personally thank whatever entity up there that is responsible for that."  
The jury has to leave their seats, and then a new jury is asked for.  
As it turns out, nobody wants to be in the jury, except for the Duchess, who is denied, the Cook, who is also denied, and the Turtle, who on legal grounds cannot be deined.  
"Well", the captain of guards says. He moves out of the Queen's reach. "It seems to me that without a jury, this trial cannot take place. We need to adjourn the meeting."  
"But that is impossible!" The Queen jumps on her seat to achieve a normal hight. Her face is about as red as her hair, and just about as unnatural-looking.  
Etta finally seems to find back to her senses. "Okay, I don't know what is going on here", she says. "But I vote that we leave, right now."  
"A good plan", Eric says. He gets up and pulls up Cayris as well.  
"We can't leave our friends behind", they say, pointing to the Dutchess, who is currently busy screaming explecitives at the Queen, and the Cook, who is busy holding her wife back, and the turtle, who is busy climbing on one of the empty seats in the jury row and picking up a notepad.  
„We are going right now.“ Air is swirling around Etta, like she is about to call a huge hurricane or something, but her voice is strained.  
„Please, Cayris, they‘ll be fine.“  
They let themselves be pulled away by Eric, following Etta, when suddenly, something in their coat moves.  
„Wait a second.“ There is chaos all around, people streaming to the door, shouting, crying, sewing (for some reason), but they manage to get a hold of their coat pocket and pull out Xarenius.  
The ferret is more awake than they have ever seen it before, squeaking and moving unsteadily in their hands - so unsteadily, in fact, that Cayris lets go off it almost immediatly.  
Eric lunges forward, but the ferret is faster and has dropped to the floor in less time than it takes Cayris to say „oops“.  
„What happened?“, Etta asks.  
„I kind of lost-“  
„Run!“, Etta says suddenly, grabbing their arm. A weird light is shining out of her hood, and a second later, Cayris understands exactly what her problem is, as a weird wave of anticipation crawls over their skin.  
Something is coming.  
„Run!“, they scream themself now, grabbing Etta‘s hand. The members of the Court have now all left the Trial behind, only a core of two dozen people is still shouting in the middle of the room, the rest is fleeing, and the three of them run right in their midst, to the doors of the hall, not worried about keeping a low profile anymore.  
Cayris is just thinking that maybe they are gonna make it when the door slams shut and nearly cuts a frog in half in the process.  
„Not so fast“, says a voice. It sounds remarkably… British.  
About fourty or fifty members of the Court are still in the room, yet Cayris is pretty sure that the voice was not talking to any of them. The timing is way too precise for that.  
There is also the fact that Etta suddenly doubles over, as if in heavy pain. Cayris grabs her shoulders, trying to keep her from falling, and Etta jerks away from the touch like it is hurting her even more.  
„Cayris“, says Eric who has turned around. „You should really look at this.“  
He sounds way too dramatic for their liking.  
Cayris turns, the doors in their back, and sees a guy. He, too, looks remarkably british, which is their first hint he might b the person belonging to the voice. Their second hint, of course, being that he has a truly evil moustache, a crazed look in his eyes, and is currently pointing both of his hands at them. magic-ing you. And then, lastly but most importantly, there is Etta‘s reaction.  
„I take it“, Cayris says, „that you are the evil dude I vowed to punch.“  
The evil dude raises his eyebrows, which makes them disappear under the abomination of a hat he is wearing. „I wasn‘t aware I was evil.“  
„Well, you might‘ve also been not aware that a punching in the throat was going to take place on your own person tonight, but surprises like that happen sometimes.“  
The evil dude smiles an evil smile. „It‘s always refreshing to see new faces around. You idiots keep life interesting.“  
„And what exactly do you think you‘re doing here?“ That‘s the Red Queen. She is still standing on her throne, which makes her about half as tall as the evil dude.  
„My queen.“ Somehow, neither the title nor his bow seem to be strictly impolite, but they sure aren't polite either.  
„The deal was that I‘d find your mage for you, and then you‘d come and get it.“  
„I am well aware of that.“ Evil Dude sighs. „Yet it just so happens that you‘ve already found my mage and were in the midst of letting him go again.“  
The Queen laughs. It‘s the kind of laugh that hurts your ears. „There has to be a misunderstanding. We had actually just found a lead with that girl - where is she now …“ She spots Etta on the floor and points at her. „And we were going to investigate if maybe she knew where the mage was. But the mage himself has not been here, I can promise you that.“  
„And I can promise you that you are utterly and totally wrong. But putting that aside, as it happens, I was quite interested in the people that you had already caught.“  
Eric and Cayris look at each other.  
„He was interested in me“, Eric says at once. „Because he‘s a reality show host, and he wanted to have a trickster in his next segment.“  
„He was interested in me“, Cayris says, „since I am still the Main Character.“ And then they say some other stuff to prove their point, which is way to explicit to be printed.  
„You idiots.“ Etta struggles to get up from the ground, and fails. Cayris leans down next to her.  
„We are aware that he wasn‘t interested in either one of us, but it seemed like a good time to crack a joke“, they say while helping her up.  
„Carolyn.“ The Evil Dude steps forward, and Cayris does the same thing.  
„One step closer, and you will have to fight me“, they promise. The Evil Dude looks at them for a whole second, and then he kinda moves his hand by a millimeter, and suddenly, they are sent sprawling through the air. Their flight is stopped rather abruptly when they hit a wall.  
„Cayris!“ Etta‘s voice is far away, and the world slides out and back into focus while Cayris is busy trying to stay awake. They blink most of the dizziness away and sit up, leaning heavily against the wall.  
„I remember now.“ Etta‘s voice has changed somehow.  
„That‘s just the shock, my dear. You‘re not remembering everything, if that is what you‘re hinting at. Some of that is permanently gone, I fear. But I figured some memories might come back if you met me. I have, after all, had a pretty big influence on your time line.“  
He laughs about that. Nobody else joins in.  
„Listen, you little shit“, Eric says. „I do not know who you are, and I don‘t even really like Etta, but you seem like a really shit ass person, and on top of that, you just slammed my friend into a wall, so if you don‘t back up right now-“  
He does not even get to finish his sentence before he goes flying.  
„The name, for future reference, is Time“, the evil dude says. It makes so much sense that Cayris doesn't know how they haven't figured it out before. And even though Etta herself has claimed to not know who exactly destroyed her life, she must‘ve figured it out a long time ago, by pure evidence, or by all the little things that other people remembered, because there is no surprise in her now. She simply gathers her magic around her and deals a blow at Time that should‘ve left him screaming on the ground, begging for mercy.  
Instead, he simply sighs. The air around him freezes, and all the magic that has just been rushing in his direction seems to be glued to the spot.  
„We‘ve been through that before.“ His voice is somewhere between annoyed and amused.  
„Really? I don‘t think I remember that part.“ There is another gust of wind, and another, and then a giant swoosh of earth as well.  
Time doesn‘t even seem to be bothered.  
Cayris gets up slowly, clinging to the wall. The room is spinning, and they are only midly aware of the fact that even if they were able to move right now, they wouldn‘t have a plan to carry out. Then someone taps on their shoulder.  
They turn around and see red. The queen, red hair, red face, kinda red yellowish crown in her hands, is right next to them, demanding their attention.  
„This is not acceptable.“ It seems like she tries to whisper, but fails miserably at it.  
„What exactly is unacceptable? The part where you break and enter a house to find three very busy and quite frankly, out of your league attractive young people who have done nothing wrong, but you kidn ap them anyway; the part where you try to have them arrested permanently, or the part where it turns out that you have secretly been working with an evil dude all along?“  
„I‘m obviously talking about the fact that he is completely hijacking my role! I‘m supposed to be the main character here.“  
„And haven‘t we heard that before somewhere“, Eric says, slowly crawling over to them. He coughs and spits out blood.  
„Are you okay?“ Cayris tries to walk over to him, but ends up collapsing on the floor again.  
„Definitely. Have never felt better.“ He turns to the Red Queen. „Just a heads-up, the guy is not only destroying your reputation, but also your castle.“  
In exactly that moment, a huge part of the ceiling decides to fall down right on the queen‘s throne, which thankfully lies deserted in the middle of the hall, since everyone is busy running around and screaming.  
Time looks up at that, and seems to realize that there is a surplus of people in the room. „Out“, he says, and in the blink of an eye, the court has simply vanished from the room. Only Etta, Cayris and Eric are still there - and the Red Queen, who has grown quite green in the face.  
„Where has he sent them?“, she asks in a whisper.  
„Well, this has been quite amusing, but I‘ve grown rather tired of it. Why don‘t you, I, and your little friends go and have a nice, civilized discussion somewhere, Carolyn?“  
Somehow, the way Time stresses nice, civilized discussion makes it sounds more like long, sadistic torture session.  
„I think I‘m gonna have to opt out on that one“, Cayris says.  
„I fear it‘s obligatory.“ Time smiles in a way that is so asymmetrical it makes their eyes ache. „Now, why don‘t you kids tell me where Edward is, so that we can have the whole party assembled and ready to go in no time?“  
„Edward?“  
Time sighs. „Or whatever name he is going by these days.“  
„Xarenius.“ The queen says, in a voice that might as well belong to a mouse. „My intelligence has found that his name is Xarenius.“  
„Well, since you don‘t have any intelligence, that information must be blatantly wrong-“, Eric starts up, but gets cut short when Time makes a crude gesture indicating that he would wish everyone to be silent right now.  
Everyone is silent right now.  
Time looks around pointedly, and then says: „I really don‘t want to waste a lot of Time here.“  
„Ba dum tssss“, Eric says, and then quickly covers when Cayris tries to elbow him in the stomach.  
„Sorry, old habits.“  
„So if you all could just tell me where Xarenius is, and we could be off, that‘d really help to keep my temper in line.“  
Nobody says anything.  
„Okay then. I guess it‘s time for t time.“  
„Tea time?“ Cayris raises their eyebrows. „Nobody here wants to have Thanksgiving Dinner with you, let alone Tea Time.“  
„No, T Time. As in, Mr. Time Time. My Time, you know?“ Nobody knows. „It‘s a clever play on words.“  
„Is this a dream?“, Eric asks. „Because I‘ve heard that Time can be funny in dreams.“ He seems to think about it for a second, then shakes his head, answering his own question. „Then again, you aren‘t particulary funny, so it must be real life after all.“  
„I‘m positive he would look funnier if I got to punch him“, Cayris suggests.  
„I gotta say, Carolyn, your standards have really deterioated.“ Time makes a tsk tsk sound. „How come you are associating with this band of lunatics?“  
Etta does not see it fit to respond. She is kneeling now, clutching her forehead as if she is trying to keep her thoughts in there.  
„What are you doing to her?!“  
Cayris takes a few wibbly wobbly steps into Etta‘s direction and then has to stop and catch their breath.  
„Oh, nothing in particular. It‘s just her memories catching up.“ Time smiles the most unpleasant smile Cayris has ever had the displeasure of seeing. „Time is the greatest healer of all, but even I can‘t help her with that, I‘m afraid.“  
„I swear to god, if you make one more time related pun, I‘ll be the one punching you in the throat, dude.“ Eric clings to Cayris legs, trying to get up. There is blood in his face, and quite an extraordinary amount at that.  
Suddenly, between all the bickering and trying to get to Etta and trying to figure out where Xarenius is, and trying to find a way to get out of here, Cayris realizes that they probably won‘t make it out of here alive.  
The thought is like a little hiccup in their brain, before they decide that they don‘t have time to think about this right now. They need to continue on with whatever they are doing. They need to make a plan.  
And then, suddenly, the plan happens without them.  
„You listen up now.“ The Queen steps forward.  
„I think I have been listening to this nonsense for quite enough time now“, the queen says. Her hair is in a frenzy, and so is her tongue. „I have been perfectly okay with striking up a deal or two with you over the years, as long as it didn‘t affect my own plans. But I want to make one thing quite clear here: you are nothing but a side character. If this was a book, you wouldn‘t deserve more than a lousy line, or a repeated throw away joke. And then, of course, someone would decide that there wasn‘t enough material about you and create a really bad sequel where you are, in fact, the main character. My point is: in any normal, logical world, you are not allowed to steal my place, do you copy, you are simply not allowed! This isn‘t fair!“  
Time snips with his fingers, but the Queen does not disappear. She huffs triumphantly.  
„See, I am too important to be vanished from the timeline. Exactly as I suspected.“  
Time smiles with a lot of teeth and disdain. „While that might be true, it is not stopping me from throwing you across the room any time I like.“  
„Kinky“, Eric whispers from the background, and then, when Cayris throws him a sharp look: „I‘m sorry, okay, the oppurtunity was just there-“  
„However, I have very much enjoyed our past symbiosis, and don‘t see why we shouldn‘t continue that in the future.“  
„I‘ll give you a reason: You‘re an unimportant jerk!“  
Time sighs. The Queen suddenly loses the ground beneath her feet and plunges against a wall, crumpling to the ground with a sad little sigh. Time walks over to her.  
„I think we need to redefine our relationship, your Royal Highness.“  
„Now.“ Cayris doesn‘t even think about what they are doing. They simply move forward, surprisingly fast considering all the black spots in their vision, and make a grab for Etta.  
She whimpers, but leans on them heavily and manages to let herself be pulled along. Eric catches up to them about halfway out of the hall.  
„The door is locked. Do something about it.“  
He nods and sets to work, using a needle, two apples and a very uncomfortable looking chicken he pulls out of his robes. Cayris wisely decides that this is not the time to ask.  
Speaking of Time …  
They turn around just in the moment when the Red Queen is getting to her feet again, shouting obsceneties, and Time seems to be getting ready to deal her another blow - and just then, from somewhere near the Throne, the captain of the guard emerges.  
Why is he still here?  
With a battle cry that sounds like metal screeching on metal, the captain races right into Time. Time looks bemused at first, and maybe that is why he notices the great sword only when it‘s already sticking out of him.  
For a moment, Cayris is actually hopeful that all the fairytales have been right and this is the correct way to kill monsters.  
But the monster does not die. Instead, it looks at the sword, and then pulls it out with a wet sound.  
„The door is open“, Eric says quietly, in the same exact moment that Time pushes the sword through the captain‘s chest.  
It‘s the first time Cayris has ever seen someone die, and after it has happened, they aren‘t actually sure if the guy did die, since he is made out of metal and everything.  
Still, it does make for an impressive scene, the crunch of the metal, the scream, the shock on his face.  
And then Time turns away from him as if he has just washed his hands, and back to the Queen. Only that his eyes happen to fall on Cayris, Eric and Etta in the doorway.  
He takes a step in their direction, ready to throw some magic (or possibly, swords) at them as well, but Cayris has seen quite enough.  
Their mind is in stockstill, not sure what to actually do, not sure if they can do anything, and somehow, that is exactly what does the trick.  
The ground moves upwards in a sudden rush to meet the ceiling, and Time stumbles backwards.  
„Now!“, Eric tugs their arm, and somehow they manage to turn around, while a blinding darkness is creeping up their limbs and into their brain.  
„Come on“, he begs, and they are really trying to, but they are slow and their brain is turning to toast.  
„In here.“, Eric pushes them, and they fall, and the only thing that is still there is Etta‘s arm, so they cling to it with all their might, and suddenly there is a ground to fall on, and a blue sky just setting above them, and between that, trees - and then, suddenly, a body, when Eric falls on top of them.  
„Where are we?“, Cayris manages to say after about half a minute of just breathing.  
„Remember that weird portal that the cards took us through?“  
„Smart.“  
„It seemed like the only thing to do.“  
Cayris sits up, but the world twists dangerously, and they need to lie down again.  
„Is Etta okay?“  
„I think so…. Unconscious?“  
They feel for her pulse and listen for a while. „Breathing“, they confirm, and it is the last thing they remember for a while.


	16. everyone is a dramatic nerd with issues

When the darkness finally lets go of them, Cayris isn't too happy to wake up.  
„I can‘t believe this!“ Etta‘s face is in a fury. Her mask is gone, and Cayris isn‘t sure if that happened during their escape, or if she has chucked it into the forest herself.  
„What exactly?“, Eric asks in the background. „The fact that Cayris nearly got the guy or the fact that we made it out alive, all of us, even though the odds were so against us, it physically hurts me to think about it?“  
„You left him there! You simply went and left him there! In the form of a ferret!“  
Cayris‘ brain catches up to them. Xarenius.  
„Oh shit“, they mumble. Unfortunately, that does make Etta aware that they're awake.  
„And you!“ She drags Cayris to their feet, and albeit Cayris falls back to their knees shortly after, that does kind of wake them up.  
„Do you have any idea what you‘ve done?!“  
„What I‘ve done?“  
„Oh, let me start from the beginning, why don‘t we. First of all, your whole quabble with that frog is probably the only reason that the soldiers got tipped off about our location. Then of course, you had to go and put Xarenius in your pocket, and then you had to lose him, of all things, in the Court of the Queen, of all places, right when, of all times, his arch enemy, of all people, descends down on us, of all things!“  
„You‘ve had the things thing twice“, Cayris informs her weakly.  
„See, this is exactly what I mean!“ Etta‘s eyes are red, but she isn‘t crying. Maybe she can‘t even cry anymore.  
„You are always so sure of yourself, always bantering and bickering and doing anything but actually contributing to this quest - but oh no, honey, you keep going around telling people that you‘re the main character of the show, since that‘ll surely solve anything-“  
„Etta“, Cayris cuts her off. They are not even mad, maybe because Etta is right.  
„Listen, I am so incredibly sorry but I don‘t see how I could‘ve done anything more, okay?“  
„Well, that is because you are an utter disappointment to anyone in this country! You should not have come with me in the first place, or, even better, you should‘ve never come up that hill! You clearly were never meant to be a magician, so why did you have to keep trying? Why did you have to ruin everyone‘s lives?!“  
„Okay, now that is quite enough of that“, Eric pipes up, when it becomes clear that Cayris is not going to defend themselves.  
„No, it is not! They have ruined everything! And you!“ She points at Eric. „You have also ruined a number of things, if I remember correctly!“  
„Well, now, see, this is exactly the kind of inaccuracy that comes with rushed statements. If I have ruined some lives, how can Cayris have ruined all the lives?“  
Etta simply stares until Eric falters.  
„Well, that was some strong reasoning, and also you‘re looking like you‘re gonna set me on fire any second now. I rest my case.“  
„Listen, Etta.“ Cayris scrambles to their feet now. „Let‘s just figure this out, okay, I am aware that maybe leaving Xarenius there was not the best move, but I had no hopes of finding him and making it ouf of there alive with-“  
„Then you shouldn‘t have made it out alive.“ The words aren‘t even shouted, and yet they do what all of Etta‘s previous shouts have not been able to do: they make Cayris angry.  
„So.“ They ball their hands to fists. „So you think that simply because I cannot do everything you can, that I am worth less. That Xarenius, who is a truly gruesome person who enjoys turning people into mailboxes-“  
„Kinky!“  
They give Eric a sideway look and he hangs his head in shame.  
„You think that I am worth less than Xarenius.“  
„To be honest, I think that you are worth less than everyone.“  
„Well, what a shame. I was just about to say that my plan was to go back there and find him, but since you don‘t seem to be in need of any help, I guess I‘ll just stay here and live a happy life in the forest, then.“  
„So you think that I‘m gonna need your help? And why is that?! Because of some stupid prophecy that you don‘t even understand? Because some idea in your head keeps insisting that you are the main character of the story?!“ Etta throws back her hood, and Cayris realizes that they have never seen her hair in dailight before. It is coal black, which should not be surprising with the whole emo aesthetic she got going on, but somehow, still is.  
„Well, I‘ve got news. I‘m gonna go back there alone and kick everyone‘s ass. Your help is neither required nor appreciated. Or, to put it on a level that you‘ll be able to understand: Fuck off.“  
And with that, Etta turns back to the tree stump and steps through the portal.  
Cayris suddenly finds that standing is very draining and sits down again. Their anger is gone as suddenly as it came.  
„That little bitch“, Eric says.  
„But she‘s right.“ It‘s meant to sound funny, but somehow the funny part gets lost, and then Cayris suddenly starts crying.  
They fully fall to the ground now, sobbing and shaking and all in all, a giant failure.  
Etta is right. They have never done anything - she was the one who always did stuff, while they were trudging along, making funny comments.  
„I‘m a terrible protagonist“, they say in a whimper, between sobs.  
„Hey now.“ Eric strokes their back.  
„I‘m just…. I just thought I could be as badass and cool and magical as her, but I just can‘t , can I? I just fucked everything up, and then I fucked it up further. You wouldn‘t even be here right now, if it wasn‘t for me!“  
„No, I wouldn‘t.“ Eric strokes their hair. „And that would be a shame, because - safe for the part where we met the scariest moustache in the world, plus owner - it was a really fun time with you. Can‘t say the same about Etta, but she was actually starting to grow on me as well. I‘m happy that I‘ve been here, no matter which way it turned out.“  
„You are?“  
He smiles. „Sure am.“  
Their lips are really, really close to each other, and they go from not kissing to kissing so quickly that Cayris can‘t really say how it happens.  
And then they go back to not kissing about a second later, and the world starts to feel okay again.  
„Oh my god.“ Cayris tries to rub their lips clean.  
„I‘m so sorry, I must‘ve misread the signs.“  
„I thought you were also gay!“  
„I am gay, I just didn‘t want to stand you up in a moment like that.“  
There is a beat of silence.  
„So you would‘ve kissed me back just to make me feel better?“  
Eric nods solemly.  
„Eric, that is the sweetest thing I‘ve heard in like forever.“ Cayris rubs their mouth again. „Just please don‘t kiss me ever again.“  
„Noted.“  
Eric gets to his feet. „I meant what I said, though. You really should carry on.“  
„There is nothing to carry on to.“ Their chest hurts, but they continue on anyway. „I guess I‘m just gonna go home and maybe …“ Their voice trailes off.  
„You are going to do no such thing. This adventure isn‘t over yet, and how could we ever complete it without our Main Character?“  
„But I‘m not the Main Character“, they remind him.  
„Now listen up, kiddo.“ Eric grabs their shoulders and pull them off the ground.  
„I totally agree that Etta might be better with magic and looking bad ass and pulling of this whole Phantom of the Opera style she‘s got going on.“  
„She‘s pretty good at that.“  
„But you are good at things yourself: you are really witty, and you are way better at being liked by people than Etta will ever be - hell, you even got Etta herself to come around for you. Not to mention, you do have magical powers as well, you just haven‘t had the oppurtunity to train them yet.“  
„But Etta is-“  
„Etta is great. Actually, not that great. Let's say she's okay. But you are the person who invited me to this group, and the one who talked to all the people we met along the way. Let Etta believe what she wants, but we wouldn‘t be here without you. You are the metaphorical glue that is holding us together.“  
Cayris smiles weakly. „Honestly?“  
„As honest as I‘ll ever be.“ He smiles a crooked smile. „So, do you really want to go home and read the ending of this story in a book, or do you want to live it our yourself?“


	17. getting the fam back together (for the first time)

It‘s easier said than done, of course.  
Because as soon as they are ready to go live out their fabulous plan, they realize that they don‘t actually have a plan.  
„We can‘t just go and try to win against Time without preparing“, Eric reasons.  
„But Etta is already there.“ It makes Cayris‘ stomach squirm with anxiety. They shouldn‘t have let her go. Etta was devastated and not thinking straight.  
„We could try to activate my magical powers again.“  
„Do you know how to use them?“  
„Not exactly.“ That, they suddenly realize, would have been a hero‘s job - to learn to controll their powers. But how are they supposed to do that without having anyone there to teach them?  
Eric breathes in deeply.  
„Okay, this might seem a little stupid, but let‘s go through the prophecy line by line and try to figure it out, okay?“  
Cayris nods. They get the paper out of their coat, and start reading out the lines one by one.  
Between all these worlds with their stories and whispers,  
Lies the answer to a secret that might have been missed  
„Okay, that part is easy to understand, right? The rabbit already told us that there are several worlds, and the secret we are trying to find is how to turn Xarenius back into his human form.“  
„But is it? It could also be how to get rid of Time, since that seems to be our short term goal, right?“  
Cayris shrugs.  
„And then there is the part about between the worlds. Does that actually mean we‘ll have to leave the world we are currently in behind?“  
„Probably. Wouldn‘t really mind that part, though, if we left Time behind as well.“ Cayris continues reading.  
If not three young people of quite low abode  
Had come to the wisest of many wise worm’,  
„That makes sense as well. The three young people are you, Etta and myself, and we had just come to Absolem then.“  
„But is Absolem a worm?“  
„I guess.“  
And if they do have quite a fight with the whiskers,  
„That‘s the cats!“  
They need only follow the will-o’-wisp,  
„Okay, that part I really don‘t get. Have you even seen a will-o‘-wisp so far?“  
Eric shakes his head. „Maybe it‘s a metaphor for something?“  
„I really wish these prophecies would make more sense,“  
And not on destiny that long they bode,  
They might not be right, but they sure will be firm  
„Okay, I don‘t get that part either“, Eric interrupts.  
„Me neither. I was kinda hoping to just read over it.“  
„Yeah, let‘s move on for now.“  
In fulfilling what they take to be their whole mission,  
They might indeed see that they’re only beginning,  
„Okay, but that clearly points to the whole different worlds thing again. We thought we just needed to travel this world, but as it turns out, we need to use this world only as a starting point for a greater journey.“  
„We?“  
„You don‘t want to come?“  
„I wasn‘t sure that I was invited, really.“  
„You know what, let's discuss that later.“  
And a ferret stays a ferret for year after year,  
If not for a shortcut through their forest friends;  
„Okay, but the shortcut has to be the Rabbit Hole.“  
„I guess so. Not that the rabbit was particularly helpful when we met it.“  
„And then there is this weird part which kinda feels like it would‘ve belonged at the beginning of his speech, but he only remembered it belatedly.“  
The second is firstmost in fear and ambition,  
The third one is firstmost at tricksing and grinning,  
The first one is nothing, until you appear,  
But that is just right when the whole story ends.  
„Okay, so I guess that that is just a basic descritpion of us, right? I‘m good at tricksing, so I‘m number three.“  
„And I‘m nothing, so I must be the first one. But what did he mean by saying I was nothing until you appeared?“  
„Well, he was talking to you, so I guess he meant you were nothing until you appeared?“ Eric shrugs.  
„That makes absolutely no sense“, Cayris decides.  
„It truly doesn‘t“, a third voice answers. „But then again, what does?“  
They turn around and find themselves face to face (or, more truthfully, face to eyeballs) with Cheshire Cat.  
„Mx Cat! Where have you been?“  
„Well, I had a fun time swirling around invisbily after we were separated, but then I noticed all the soldiers entering my good friend‘s house and got concerned. I followed you to the Court, but found that I was not able to do anything, so I came back here.“  
„So you just … you just didn‘t help us at all.“  
„That is a grave understatement, my boy.“ Cheshire seems to feel actually hurt by Eric‘s assessment. „I have done many a thing while I was at the Court. I just couldn‘t find a safe way to help anyone.“  
„But why didn‘t you disappear when Time snapped his fingers?“  
„Well, I was already invisible. Don't be silly.“ Cheshire grins. Its body is slowly bleeding into exsitence under those big blue eyes.  
„Well, now is your time then. Help us!“  
„But why should I? I don‘t mean to sound rude, but I barely know you guys.“  
„Well, maybe you don‘t care about us, but you do care about Etta, right?“  
„I don‘t see her with you right now.“  
„That‘s because she has already gone back, and she is facing Time all on her own.“  
„But-“ The Cat‘s face turns suddenly terrified. „That is horrible! Why aren‘t you guys helping her?“  
„Maybe because we don‘t have a plan, or amazing magical powers and the talent of invisibility?“  
Cheshire wags its tail, clears its throat twice and then says: „Dammit. Okay, tell me your plan.“  
„I just told you, we don‘t have a-“  
They are interrupted by something falling out of the tree stump Etta has recently vanished in. For a second, before they have time to realize that the creature is way too small, Cayris hopes that it might actually be Etta.  
It is, however, only the Rabbit.  
„There you guys are“, he says, straightening out his waistcoat. „I need your help!“  
„You need our help?“  
Here is finally someone equally responsible (or at least, party responsible) as them, and Cayris uses the oppurtunity immediately.  
„If you had just let us go through the Rabbit Hole when we first met you, we wouldn‘t have even been at the Court! This is all your fault.“  
The Rabbit seems taken aback for a second.  
„I couldn‘t do that, though“, he says finally, slowly. „I already told you, I would‘ve needed the Queen to give me her permission first.“  
„Well, then you‘re gonna go right now, and find the Queen and get her permission!“  
The rabbit sighs. „I would do that. However, the queen is currently in a situation.“  
„A situation we might help her out of?“, Eric pipes up, his usual, charming self.  
The rabbit looks him up and down .“Well, I was actually looking for Etta, but it seems that I might have to settle for you idiots, since she is nowhere to be seen.“  
„But Etta just went to the Palace. Didn‘t you meet her?“, Cayris asks.  
„I wasn‘t at the Palace anymore, stupid. I am quite good at digging holes, so I searched around for Etta, but this is the last place I would‘ve thought to find her, and she isn‘t even here.“  
„Wait. You can do that? Simply dig holes through the whole country?“  
„Obviously.“  
„And could you take other people on those?“  
„I guess so. The permit is only needed for inter-wordly travel.“  
„Okay, here is a plan“, Cayris says.  
Everyone looks at them, and it‘s kind of stressful, since their plan isn‘t actually that refined. Or, you know, good. Destined not to fail. All that jazz.  
„The rabbit and Eric here are going to go everywhere they can think of and find people to help us. I‘m thinking Absolem, maybe the Dutchess. Dinah the Cat, maybe a bee named Bernd, if you can spot him-“  
„Wait a second.“  
„Yes, the bee needs to be included, Eric.“  
„No, I mean: wait a second. Dinah the Cat?“  
„She is in league with the Red Queen, right?“  
„Indeed. She is like a mother to her.“  
„Well, then she will want to help the queen. Maybe pop in there without Eric, Mr Rabbit. And if you could manage to not mention mine or Etta‘s name either, that would be much appreciated.“  
„Cayris, what are you doing?“  
„I‘m trying to make this work, okay? None of us is a crazily talented magician, so we‘re just gonna have to combine our powers. Get everyone who is willing to help.“ They turn to Cheshire. „Do you know anyone else?“  
„I know some fellows who have a personal quarrel with Time. Maybe I could get them to come?“  
„No, you won‘t. But Mr Rabbit here will gladly do that.“ They pat the Cat on its ears. The cat is not amused.  
„Why can‘t I do it myself?“  
„Because you and I are gonna go in right now.“  
„Cayris!“ Eric‘s outrage is quite touching, but they don't have time for it.  
„I know, I know, it's way too dangeorus and all that. But Etta has been in there for way too long.“  
The rabbit nods.  
„We don‘t have time to waste.“ Cayris grabs Cheshire and makes to jump into the tree stump. The cat does not move.  
„What are you waiting for?!“  
„I‘m...“ Cheshire‘s eyes are big.  
„Listen, I am aware that we don‘t even know each other, besides a five minute long banter we had yesterday, but you said that you care about Etta. And you have that whole invisibility thing going on, that‘s gonna have to distract Time for a while.“  
They try to sound like they aren‘t begging. They are most definitely begging.  
Cheshire looks around.  
„I don‘t like this either“, Eric says, and Cayris prepares to punch him in the nose, but then he adds: „But I don‘t see any other way. We‘ll try to make this fast.“  
The rabbit nods. „I‘m really really fast at digging. You might be able to hold him off long enough, I suppose.“  
Cayris turns to Eric and the Rabbit. „Good luck.“  
Eric nods. „Good luck yourself. And do please punch that guy before you go down.“  
„I‘ll punch that guy and not go down, pal.“  
He grins at that, a wide, freckled grin that somehow makes the whole situation become real for the first time.  
Cayris turns to Cheshire, their skin crawling, their blood pumping with adrenaline. The cat, blue green grey visible eyes filled with something that they cannot quite place, simply nods, and together they move in front of the tree stump, and through.


	18. the big mcfreaking kick-ass finale

They are almost too late.  
When Cheshire and Cayris enter the scene, there is a lof of screaming to be heard, and the crackling of magic in the air, and then some more screaming.  
Cayris sneaks up on the throne room, and looks around the corner.  
Etta is in the middle of it, magic flowing out of her like it‘s the most natural thing in the world. Gusts of air blow back and forth. Fire singes the tapestries. There even is a small earthquake.  
They know that Etta is powerful, but there is no way that she‘s gonna be able to keep this kind of thing up for long. And Time, who is currently standing in the midst of all that commotion only seems midly bothered by it. Sometimes his face will strain for a second, throwing back one of the more vigorous attacks, but most of the time, he just seems kind of bored.  
„That is not gonna be getting you anywhere“, he announces almost cheerfully. Etta does not respond.  
„Okay, we need a plan“, Cayris decides.  
„Great idea. Maybe you should‘ve had that partciular one before we came here, though.“  
In that moment, Time throws his own magic back at Etta, and she struggles to stay on her feet. Cayris decides that, as dramatic as it might sound, there is indeed no time for a plan.  
„Go and search Xarenius“, they demand. „I‘m gonna try and get Time‘s attention.“  
„Good luck.“ Cheshire, for once, does have the decency to not question their decision, but simply hugs them, and then it's gone.  
„Carolyn, you know that there is no way you can beat me. Let‘s stop this struggling already and instead-“  
„Hey, you!“ It‘s not the most elaborate thing to say, but it does get his attention. For like, a second.  
Time waves a finger in Cayris‘ direction, and they have to hold onto the floor for dear life to not be crashed into the ceiling.  
„And who are you again?“  
„I‘m your nemesis.“ They struggle up again. Time looks them up and down, and then laughs. It is not, by any means, a pretty laugh.  
„Oh honey“, he says, and somehow it sounds a lot more demeaning than when Eric does the same thing. „I really don‘t think so.“  
That is the moment that Etta turns around to them. She seems to be in a daze, but at the sound of their voice, she straightens up.  
„Cayris? What are you doing here?“  
„I‘m here to help, idiot.“  
„No.“ There is a real panic in her voice that wasn‘t there before. „You need to go-“  
„Oh, you care about this one, then?“ Time‘s lip curls up in what is probably supposed to be amusement, but misses the mark by a long shot.  
„I don‘t.“ Etta‘s voice is suddenly very reduced in volume.  
„And here I thought you‘d stay true to me during all those years.“  
„Wait… what?“, Cayris asks. There is an awkward silence. „Okay, just to recap for everyone who hasn‘t been here in Season One: what exactly happened?“  
„Oh, she didn‘t tell you. She must‘ve remembered when she saw me. Don‘t you want them to know, Carolyn?“  
„My name is not Carolyn anymore.“  
„What a shame. The name always suited you. A pretty name for a pretty face.“ Time looks at her. „Then again, I guess it doesn't really go along with that face, does it?“  
This is the moment Cayris decides he is gonna die a very slow, very painful death.  
„Etta, what is this about?“, they ask.  
„Oh, can I tell them?“ Time grins. „Since Carolyn here is being extraordinarily less talkative than usual today, I‘m just gonna give you a quick recap. We were in love, and then she decided to fuck everything up, so I just had to go and change the timeline, and she still fucked that one up as well, and look where it got us.“  
„You were in love.“  
„Very much so, yes.“  
„Etta, this guy is like…“ Cayris grasps for words. Evil? The Antichrist? A Douche? „Older“, they finally say.  
„Time is an illusion, my dearie.“  
„If only that was true“, Etta says in a voice that makes her so far coldest, angriest voice sound like a melodious whisper.  
Time turns back to her, as if suddenly realizing that she was still there. He has, Cayris decides, the demeanor of a madman, and they are not willing to let someone like that near anyone they care about. Or Etta.  
„Well, I‘m sorry to disappoint. But the good news is, since your enbyfriend is here now, maybe we can have a bit more of a discussion about our joined future going on, heh?“  
„The only joined future you‘re gonna have is the one where we visit your grave once a year, for the sole purpose of spitting on it.“  
„Very funny.“ Suddenly, he is right in front of them, and Cayris forgets not to be scared for a second, and is very, very scared indeed.  
„I would believe that“, he says. „But one of Carolyn‘s grave, grave mistakes, after all, is caring about people.“  
And then there is pain, and someone far away is screaming, and Cayris is not sure if it‘s themself, or Etta, begging and begging and begging for it to stop.  
It does stop, finally, after what feels like years and is probably seconds. Cayris finds themself on the floor. Time is looming over them, and further away, Etta is still screaming.  
„Now Carolyn, wouldn‘t you just want that to stop? It‘s so easy, to simply make it stop, isn‘t it.“  
„Okay, I don‘t know what the fuck you‘re talking about, but you‘re officially out of your mind and need to step away from my friend immediately“, a voice says. Cayris needs a second or two to realize it‘s Eric‘s.  
„And who is that now? Your other friend?“  
Time stares at where Eric must be standing for a second, and then shrugs. „I guess I won‘t need him, since I‘ve already got this one.“  
And then the world explodes into light and colour. Cayris manages to get up just in time to see Eric escape the attack by hiding behind the portal.  
They don‘t even have time to feel relieved, since Time is already grabbing hold of the magic again, and pulls this time, in a way that makes Eric lose his footing and tumble towards them, arms shaking.  
Time raises his arms to speak the final curse, and Cayris realizes that they are absolutely useless. They cannot do anything to help Eric, even their small grasp on magic is failing, and they‘re gonna see their gayest (and only) friend get murdered by a psychotic super villain in less than a second.  
Suddenly, Time tumbles backwards, screeching.  
There is a ferret biting into his hand, deep enough to draw blood, and even though he turns and turns in circles, he cannot shake it off. Xarenius is hanging on with what has to be the most literal feral grin anyone has ever worn.  
And then there is a noise in the air, slowly nearingand dissolving into words.  
„We should have like a Heterosexual Straight Very Definitely Not Gay Dude Pride as well!“  
„Totally!“  
„Hey guys, check out my blackface!“  
„It‘s the Bat Men“, Cayris realizes. Time looks down on them.  
„What?“  
And then the Bat Men are upon them, screaming and screeching and all in all a handful, and Cayris manages to get up from the ground again, while Time is busy trying to not get lost in a haze of claws and bat wings.  
„What are you doing?“, he screams.  
„There he is!“, someone else shouts, and suddenly, a wave of cats, led by the one and only Dinah herself, enter the throne room.  
Cayris makes their way over to Eric and pulls him up, but does not wait around. Etta is still on the ground, struggling.  
They make their way through the throne room, in the midst of chaos that is the Bat Men and the cats combined, and they have nearly, very nearly made it, when the Dutchess joins in on the chaos.  
„Take this!“, she screams, and a heavy lot of pepper enters the air, and Cayris‘ throat as well. They have to draw short, coughing and rubbing their eyelids.  
The Cook pulls her wife back into the direction of the actual fight, handing Cayris a towel in passing.  
They stumble past her and finally reach Etta. She is doubled over on the floor, fingers pressed to her scarred eyes.  
„Etta.“ Cayris leans down, afraid to touch her, afraid not to touch her. Finally, they decide to put their hand on her shoulder, a quick, awkward touch that only lasts for a second.  
„You‘re alive.“ Etta sits up abruptly, and Cayris very nearly takes a step back, but then kneels down in front of her instead. Etta is shivering.  
„I‘m here. I‘m fine. See?“ Cayris takes her hand, very, very carefully, and splays their fingers atop of hers.  
„What is going on? There is too much magic, I don‘t understand…“  
It takes Cayris a moment to understand that sentence. „You see people by their magic?“  
„What did you think? That I was seeing them with my eyes?“  
The words are almost Etta again, and that is refreshingly normal.  
„The Bat Men have come to help us“, Cayris says. „And Dinah the Cat. And the Dutchess and the Cook. And I think I‘m seeing Absolem back there. Oh, and also Xarenius was around somewhere.“  
„They‘ve all come?“  
„Obviously. We are the most charming people they know, and by we, I mean me.“  
They expect a response, but Etta simply smiles a tiny little bit and sits up.  
„Okay, what are we doing now?“  
„Taking Time down?“  
„How are we going to do that?“  
„No idea. But I‘m like really, really angry with that guy right now, so I‘m sure we‘ll find a way.“  
It is at that moment that Eric appears at their side, and he is not alone. The Rabbit has to help the Red Queen walk. Her eyes focus on Cayris and then unfocus again. This happens a couple of times before she actually speaks.  
„You need to get out of here.“ She points at Etta, but her eyes are still focused on Cayris. „All of you, and that magician as well.“  
„Where is Xarenius?“, Etta asks in alarm. Eric holds up the ferret.  
„Right here. He eventually gave up on his master plan to eat Time‘s hand which I can only say would‘ve been a grande success if he kept going.“  
„Time is out of controll“, the Queen cuts in before he can say anything else. „But if you guys disappear from here, we‘re pretty sure he‘s gonna go back to his normal self.“  
„But why would he?“  
„Because we don‘t matter to Time.“ Her nose is red, nearly as red as her hair.  
„But Etta does“, Eric continues. „The Rabbit told me about it on our way here. Time has been silent for years now. If we get you out of his reach again, he‘s gonna be fine for a while.“  
„But where would we go?“, Cayris asks, although they already know.  
„To another world.“ Etta stumbles to her feet. „You want us to flee to another world.“  
„Not flee. Merely a strategic retreat.“  
„No! We can‘t do that-“  
„Etta, think about it. We can learn how to transform Xarenius back, and after that, we‘re gonna come back here and have our giant epic duel.“  
„No, I can‘t- he‘s gonna hurt people-“  
„He‘s gonna wait for you. There is no sense in hurting anyone else, and Time seldomly does things that don‘t make sense.“  
„But that doesn‘t make sense.“  
„Things never do. He hasn‘t hurt anyone before you showed up, he won‘t hurt anyone now. It would only slow down his search.“  
„You don‘t know that, you can‘t-“  
Eric looks at Cayris, waiting for their decision. Very slowly, they nod.  
They want to say that it‘s because of all the right reasons, that what they‘re doing is for the greater good. In reality, they just can‘t stand the thought of Etta being in the same world with this weirdo for much longer.  
„We‘ll need to hurry“, Eric says. „Before he realizes...“ He points at Time.  
„No! No no no no-“  
Etta‘s voice is abruptly cut off when the Red Queen pulls out a vial with some kind of substance in it and holds it under her nose for a second.  
Cayris catches Etta when she falls, and looks at the queen, eyebrows raised.  
„For sweet dreams“, she says.  
„Let‘s get going, now.“ The easy demeanor has left Eric fully now, and he sounds more like a squad commander trying to get his troup together.  
„Are you going to be fine?“, Cayris asks the Red Queen.  
„We are gonna be more than fine. He‘s not gonna hurt us if she isn‘t around. Maybe he‘ll even try to follow you guys.“  
„What a nice prospect.“  
„He‘s not gonna succeed. For a while at least.“  
They make it out of the throne room almost undetected. Right when they are at the door though, they hear Time‘s scream behind them.  
Cayris turns and sees the magic coming, and somehow, they feel what they need to do.  
The ground shakes. Magic fights magic, and a deep tiredness overcomes them, yet they cling on to Etta‘s body in their arms, and slowly, way too slowly, take another step.  
The rabbit is already waiting at the portal, and next to him, there is another person they know as well.  
„That concludes your business here, then“, Absolem says.  
„Why aren‘t you inside?“, the Red Queen screams, hurriedly trying to write something on a piece of parchment, while also running. It is not going too well.  
„I don‘t like fighting all that much.“ He shrugs, his eyes drifting back to Cayris.  
„You are not the first one yet“, he says.  
„I‘m aware.“ Their tongue feels like it‘s gonna fall out of their mouth any second now.  
„Well, work on that. And find yourself a new prophecy, whereever you end up. You‘re gonna need it.“  
„Yeah, because the last one was so helpful!“ Eric grabs Xarenius with one hand, and helps Cayris with Etta.  
„Here is the permission slip“, the queen says, handing the rabbit the parchment. „Now hurry, for god‘s sake-“  
Cayris feels the pull on their magic strenghten, and then, suddenly, they lose, and magic flows back into the direction of Time. They stumble into the portal in front of them, pulling Etta and Eric with them.  
An angry scream follows them out of the story.


End file.
